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Thread: Was he just "not that into me" or could he be a commitment phobe?

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    Default Was he just "not that into me" or could he be a commitment phobe?

    I dated an older guy for 6 months. I'm 38; he's 60. He's not some 20-something player. He is losing his hair and uses Cialis. (Didn't matter to me.) He has been divorced for 15 years. That marriage lasted for 19 years. He said he took her for granted and focused too much on their 3 kids. She cheated on him, and he caught her. He has hardly dated for the past 15 years and hasn't been in a relationship, according to him and to my friends who have known him longer than I have.

    He told me we were

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    Dear Moviegurl,

    Welcome. IME people of this age, who are this honest, know themselves. He has honestly told you, he has some issues. He has honestly said he doesn't know what to do from here. Have you suggested counselling? If he has commitment and relationship issues and is willing to try to work out why, so he can continue this relationship with you, then you have to decide if you are willing to stay with him through that uncertainty.

    If he is not willing to do anything about it (rather than he doesn't know what to do), then he is accepting of his issues and does not feel a need to remedy the situation. IME in this sort of case, you can only lead a horse to water, you cannot make it drink.

    Let him choose what he needs, you cannot control others, only yourself and your own reactions. Once you can accept this, then you can decide based on reality not on guesswork, what you wish to do.

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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