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Thread: Could really do with some advice on this one.

  1. #1
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    Default Could really do with some advice on this one.

    My story is a long one but I will try to keep it as short as possible.

    Basically, around 4 months ago I started chatting to a guy on a dating website. After a few weeks we met but after this he seemed to act a little weird, decreased contact and such. Gradually over the past couple of months contact has increased and he is now in contact mostly every day, with more than a few messages.

    I suppose you could say we have been seeing each other but without any real commitment. This was ok at first but gradually I found that I was starting to like him.

    I believe that he may have some kind of issue where it comes to relationships. He told me even before we met that he was terrified of relationships and is worried that he will never be good enough for anyone.

    For the past few months we have been seeing each other occasionally, but I am starting to think that the 'relationship' has changed somewhat. It has seemed to have moved from just a casual thing to slightly more maybe, I am not sure though which is the whole reason I am posting this.

    As time has gone on, he has started to introduce pet names, asks me to go out with him and also his friends and the like and tries to hold my hand in public. The other weekend his parents were away (he is planning on moving out soon) and he asked me over on the Friday night. Whilst I was there he told me that a bunch of his friends were due over the next night a they were all leaving early Sunday to partake in a hobby they are into. He then said that I was welcome to stay too and also said that they were going for a meal early Saturday evening and asked me more than once during Saturday day to join them. We all had a late night that night and were up after around 3 hours sleep and he told me that if he had a spare key he would leave me there to sleep.

    There is a lot more to the story but I thought I would start with this for a little advice, I will post more as it comes to me.

    Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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    Default

    Hello, and welcome!

    What sort of advice are you looking for?
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    I think she is looking to see if we think that the guy she has been seeing is starting to see them as a relationship with some commitment? I am not sure how he feels or what he is thinking but I'd say the best way to find out is by asking him about it casually.

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    Dear wollenglove,

    Welcome. IMHO you would be prudent to be upfront and just ask what he's looking for. If he's done nothing to address his fear of relationships (or work out why he's got one) then getting involved further would IMV (in my view) be a folly. You and he are the only ones with the answers. Remember to mention that this is for understanding and communication purposes only and not a "where is this going" question.

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Your story is very interesting. What you feel from few months since you meet him. I there any difference in your life after meeting him. After all you should find out how serious, he is about you. You can also test his seriousness by testing him on some occasion.

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