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My Dear Mariana,
I am very glad you found out about the other woman. However she was not and never could be the problem. She was not in control of him. No-one can control another.
Your ex made his choices. Instead of trying to work out what the real root of your problems were he chose to start a new relationship. Do you think he's fixed all the issues he had? IME people have not solved their problems by moving into another "honeymoon phase" start of another relationship. Normally when people do this, they move from one relationship that is getting too close and too intimate to their real fears and desires (that drive us all) and so to protect oneself from harm and using the arguments as a reason; they move to a new fresh relationship.
Put it this way, if you have a car and you don't maintain it and look after it and you don't clean it, soon it gets dirty and damaged. Relationships are the same. Sometimes the car has flaws, like run down tyres or worn down breaks. If you find these old problems and mend the car, and give it fresh oil and cleaning, it will always serve you well and be comfortable. If you sell the old car and get a new one and don't maintain that, the same things will happen to it "if you don't learn from history you are doomed to repeat it".
Relationships are the same if you don't deal with the root of your fears and desires then you will just repeat your mistakes and the fears and desires will hinder you; in the new relationship.
Generally we all have fears and desires that are established over time in us. Some fears/desires are set at a very young age, some due to trauma, some due to bad experiences in relationships etc. These start to surface when we feel in a safe comfortable environment. So long term relationships can suddenly seem to have serious problems, when really a fear/desire is rearing it's head.
I often say that love is made up of 6 things, caring, trust, respect, communication, understanding and a spark. In times when our old fears/desires come to haunt us, we need to communicate well and try to understand each other. This means listening and asking questions that help the other person try to find out what it is that is really underneath (i.e. not the washing up on the side, but a fear that they'll be blamed if the place isn't clean etc).
Reading your post, I see many things. I think you can see them for yourself. Would you be happy in a life where someone made you give up your dreams to stay with them? Would you be angry in the future? Would you be able to have a relationship with someone you didn't trust? Would you want to be with someone who did not respect you enough to stop others behaving in an inappropriate manner with him? I ask you to re-read your own posts and then think "Would I really want to take back this or do I deserve better?"
Breathe, accept the present and know that you have a wonderful future you are about to shape ahead of you and you have no-one holding you back. Sometimes, things that might seem a little upsetting are actually there to help guide us to the best course of action. Listen to the world and try to learn from what's happened.
I ask you to please focus on yourself, stop writing on forums about him (except in venting of course, it's good to get it out), instead write about yourself. I'd like to hear what languages you speak, where you'd like to travel to, what your plans are and now that you are not moving in with the ex, what are you planning to do with that money (get your own place perhaps?)
You deserve better than someone who needs attention so badly that they cling to you and would then leave for another person because they could, this is not a good basis for any long term relationship.
Look forward, value yourself and hold your head high, you have had a narrow escape! You were nearly stuck with a life sucking parasite! Instead go and find yourself and enjoy your life. The right man who holds you in high regard and will support your dreams (as you no doubt will his) will find you.
All the best,
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha