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Thread: Reaching the 4 month mark... summary

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    Default Reaching the 4 month mark... summary

    Well well... Almost reaching the 4 month mark after my BU. I have to say that I never thought I will be this good at this time. But also I didn't thought that I will live a BU with this man. Still hurts though.

    So, how am I now? Well... not so sure.

    I've improved my life a lot!! I've become vegetarian and because of a depresion at the first months I lost weight and now I feel prettier! To pamper me a little I bought new clothes (and because the old ones didn't fit me anymore XD I was funny at least for me) so I have a whole new aspect and I love it!!! I have so much confidence in my aspect now. I know is just my vanity but I love how when I walk out and heads turn at me, and people tell me I am beautiful. It really cheared me up

    Before the BU I was a mess because didn't know were my life was going to, since I give up a lot of dreams and replaced them for others less exciting. So much frustration, but I did it for "love" and thought it was fine at that time. So after the BU I was a mess and really angry at me for giving up on myself. But now I have my dreams back and I am happier!! I'm going to study abroad for two years to China in february next year and when I come back to my country I want to become a diplomat, and I have no doubt that I will achieve it!

    For my free time that the RS left me with I have been doing volunteer work with this animal asociation that I love and spend time helping!! It is really great using this time to help dogs and cats in need. It make me feel like making a little change in the world :3 I even joined greenpeace in my country and I'm going to start there soon!! Also I am spending time with my family since I'll be going for a long time and really enjoying them :3.
    Oh! and I've been doing a lot of things myself alone too! It is really fun! I've met a lot of interesting people and enjoying my time alone. I'm coming to love be on my own :3

    I actually don't want to start dating yet, Is so soon for me, but at times I want to get a little "revenge" since I think my ex has a gf... So I went to a date with a friend (that I now know he really likes me...) to a museum and was really fun (but thought about the ex really often :/ ) so wan't ready and just let the people around compliment me (Oh my vanity!! XD) Then a few weeks ago I went out of town with this friend of mine from college. We stayed the whole weekend together (and yes... had sex. My first one was my ex so it was really heartbreaking and liberating at the same time. Really tough). I felt that I needed to do something "stupid" so I could move on (and not let my ex had all the "fun"... my little revenge but not know if against the ex or myself...) I had a great time and realized that my world was too small, there are out there a lot of people, a lot of places and a lot of experiences that been with the ex was preventing me to do so... an eye opener for me. The bad part is that I kind of "fall" for this now FWB (we agreed to continue have sex until I go to China) and I know that I like him, not the same amount I used to like my ex but really like him. I don't think that he is interested in me more than a FWB though so not trying nothing serious there, just what we agreed. I think I was too used to have someone by my side for those years that I am kind of transfering those feelings to him, but I don't want to become my rebound.
    And... well, some time ago I met this guy at work that really liked him (but since I was with the ex didn't tried anything, I really loved him and didn't care that much for other guys...) because he is so smart, highly educated, well mannered, love to travel and actually he is volunteering in Se

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    Dear Mariana,

    I would like to know more about you. Please could you fill me in? What are you afraid of? What do you like about yourself? What do you love about yourself? What sort of things do you need in your life? What sort of things do you want in your life?

    In regards to relationships and men, do you have a type? Do you have qualities you want them to have? Do you pick men with those qualities or do you end up with men who are not what you wanted? Is your family together?

    Which personality traits do you get from your mother and father? Is there anything you'd like to improve on in yourself?

    Sorry Mariana, I am always full of questions, however IME the answers will help you on your way!

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    What are you afraid of? Right now of life. I am afraid to make a bond with someone else, and afraid that I will never have that bond again. That my life wouldn't be better without him (although I've improved more in these 4 months than in those 5 years). That he was "the one" and I will never find a partner for me (I know that is not likely, but still) or never find a man who is worth it.

    What do you like about yourself? What do I like about me... I don't know, maybe that I am uncommon, that I stand out with my personality. I like that I am smart and what didn't kill me made me stronger

    What do you love about yourself? I love... I love my strong values, my view of life, my desire to help other, I love to be a good girl. I don't know if there is anything else to love...

    What sort of things do you need in your life? Need... I need... I need... I think I need nothing. Everything is impermanent so I won't NEED anything... I think. Maybe I would need more confidence?

    What sort of things do you want in your life? I do want some things. I want to have opportunities to grab, I want a partner not just a "boyfriend", I want to be happy and made people happy (and animals too) I want to change the world... That is what I want

    In regards to relationships and men, do you have a type? Actually I do like the smart type. Tall, smart, well mannered, ambitious. And I have some kind of fetish with guys with glasses XD

    Do you have qualities you want them to have? Well mannered and a really caring person.

    Do you pick men with those qualities or do you end up with men who are not what you wanted? Well... I was just picking the ones who wanted me and were more appealing to me... But that was in highschool, since then my only bf was my ex and he was really caring, cute, smart... just lacking of ambition and boundaries with other girls... and some other issues, but yes, he was like that...

    Is your family together? My mother left us 5 and a half years ago. She is living with a... I don't know if he is her boyfriend or what... My dad is single. And I have one brother and one sister, we live with our father and love him very much

    Which personality traits do you get from your mother and father? I have my father's perfectionism and my mother's selfishness I think... I should think more carefully about it

    Is there anything you'd like to improve on in yourself? My confidence... I didn't have much confidence and after the BU I am at my worst level... and I would like to let go of things more easily... I am too apprehensive and I think that is my biggest personality problem...

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    Dear Mariana,

    Now, reading all that, where are you going to go from here? What are you going to do about your self-confidence? How are you going to deal with your selfish tendencies and perfectionist requirements? How are you going to address those fears? How are you going to realise those desires? Sorry, I love my questions! However, you now have a path and some crossroads and choices, growth, learning and experience, here you come!

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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