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Thread: New bi-sexual and need input

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    Default New bi-sexual and need input

    Up until now, I have been straight. (I'm a 50ish y/o female) I'm very interested in a gay woman I've met - not for experimentation but for a long-term relationship. She's also interested in a long-term relationship. We've gone out a few times and are getting quite close (no intimacy as yet but it is imminent...) Because I have no experience with women, I'm concerned about me pleasing her (sexually). I've watched an online video about a lesbian couple making love (It was NOT porn, but rather educational) and it was pretty much as I expected it would be but I'd appreciate any input a lesbian /female bi-sexual woman in this forum cares to offer me.
    Last edited by Oceanbreeze; 10-25-2012 at 10:00 PM. Reason: no response so really shortened it

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    Default Need advice

    I have a high sexual drive and I'm not sure how to approach this with my prospective partner
    Last edited by Oceanbreeze; 11-04-2012 at 10:36 PM. Reason: shortened it

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    Default

    Dear Oceanbreeze,

    Welcome. You have asked for a lesbian or bisexual woman to respond. I have to say, most women are fairly relaxed on this topic. Why? IME it's just how we are psychologically. Most "straight" women wouldn't baulk at kissing another women or sexual experimentation. As I understand it most of this is based on the fact that women inherently like to help each other (usually) and this involves caring for other and if they are relatively self confident they are not threatened by each other.

    Again IME (in my experience) "straight" male psychology means men are concerned with competing against each other, who is the best and that means that often there is what we would call assigned gender roles in "gay" couples, i.e. one is more gender female in "traditional" behaviours. This is not always the case, IMHO it is a reasonable generalisation.

    So I'd like to know firstly what makes you think you are bi (any more than any other women!) and also why you have suddenly (is it sudden or have you been thinking this way for a long time?) decided to seek a ltr with a woman?

    Have you told this lady in your life that you are new to this? Bear in mind if this was a "straight" relationship and I was talking to a virgin girl, I would expect that not only has she told her man, but also that he should be (if he really cares about her) patient, understanding and ready to teach her anything she needs with love.

    I look forward to hearing more from you...

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Default

    Dear Oceanbreeze,

    I'm going to blend this thread with your other and I have responded to it. Please answer the questions therein and let me know if you have spoken to your current partner on this topic? She is the only one who is relevant, if she is happy to accommodate your preference and stimulate you to multiple orgasms then you can teach her how and she can teach you what she likes. IMHO this is what all sexual relationships should be like (regardless of gender), open, communicative, learning and exploring situations, with respect and trust for each other.

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Red face Follow-up

    Thank you for your replies, Annita.

    I had thought about women before and did briefly date 2 different ones, but even though each had a sexual interest in me I felt no immediate chemistry with them so didn't prolong it (maybe I should have with the first because in hindsight I'd be attracted to her now but that was 20+ years ago. The more recent woman was definitely not my type as far as physical attraction goes.) I didn't actively search for a lesbian / bi-sexual woman until just recently and I used an online dating site to do so. I thought that medium would allow me to "preview" a lot of woman and it did. Basically, I went about narrowing down my search just like I had when I looked online for a male (e.g., physical attractiveness - a "spark", what they said in their profile and how they said it, geographical proximity, apparent intelligence, hobbies, etc.)

    I now consider myself bi-sexual because I have a strong sexual attraction to this woman (from scent to physical looks, etc), I want to be intimate with her, I like her as a person (e.g., she is a loving mom, has a good work ethic, stays healthy and fit, etc), I want to spend much time with her, etc. I feel the same about her - or more - as I have about any man with whom I’ve wanted a serious relationship.

    In terms of her having patience, she's indicated that she doesn’t want to rush me into a sexual relationship but I have told her that I am ready and wanting it and this absolutely true. She does, however, think that because I’m a virgin I should experience sexual relations with her before I commit myself (and she to me, I suppose she also means). I don’t really agree with her comment that I need to have a sexual experience before I can be certain that I want to be serious with her because many male-female couples make a commitment to each other while one or both are still virgins. However, the point is moot because I want to be intimate with her, anyway.

    Thank you in advance !

    ADDENDUM (a day or so following the above): Well, she and I made love last night and she really pleased me but I wasn't so adept in pleasing her. Today, in as gentle way as she could, she told me she didn't have the patience to be with a virgin / a woman who's not sexually experienced. (I was her first) I asked if that meant she didn't want to continue to see me and she said yes. She said something about not wanting to sound like a jerk and that she was just being honest. I don't fault her. But I am hurt. Not a very good first experience.... Thank goodness my daughter is gay and her girlfriend is bi-sexual and they're giving me much support as I have no one else to talk with this about because I've not "come out"...
    Last edited by Oceanbreeze; 11-01-2012 at 09:35 PM. Reason: added addendum

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    Dear Ocean breeze,

    Please don't take it personally. If she hasn't got the patience to teach you then she's not right for you. I can say that with absolute clarity, because those who love you will always find time to work together in a symbiotic way to assist the growth of their relationship. I'm pleased you are talking to your daughter and her girlfriend. Hopefully they will help you feel confident enough in time to reveal who you are to others.

    My advice?

    IMHO, the judgement of others is immaterial (it's always based on their coloured view of the world, it can never be unbiased). In my view, in the end we have to be able to look back and feel good about our lives and hopefully the majority of the time we were happy and true to ourselves.

    My definition of love is, trust, caring, respect, communication, understanding and a spark. Be sure to apply that to yourself first!

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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