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Hi mate,
Thanks for answering - it gives me a much clearer picture of what is going on here. Bear in mind that this is only my opinion, but to me the problem seems very clear.
I am around your age, and have many married friends who have been together equally long as you or longer. The single most thing that they (the guys) complain about more than anything else is the lack of sex. Of course there are always exceptions, but generally guys continue to have a high sex drive whereas womens tend to fade, especially after children. We all had a discussion about it once after a few drinks and the women just laughed it off, saying that they couldn't be bothered, were tired and just had little desire for it.
Now, for guys this is a problem since generally sex drive is higher. One of my guy friends has a long term F**k buddy because of this very reason. Not great, and I don't agree with it, however, he has just had enough of 'begging' for it.
From her point of view - you have young children who I'm sure take a lot of care. You work full time so she is dealing with them when you are working. You spend very little time enjoying each other because there is either no time or no sitter. So, in my opinion, what needs to happen is for her to feel like she wants to be intimate. For guys, we can flick a switch and bam - we're ready. For women it takes a lot more and if they aren't in the mood - they aren't in the mood. For guys, even if we aren't in the mood, we can be there in minutes!
So, how can she feel like she wants to be intimate? Create the scene, MAKE time for just you two, arrange romantic 'dates', pamper her and make her feel like she felt when you first met. Many couples get caught up in the day to day stuff and never make time for each other. How can she feel sexy looking after kids and dealing with the day and then just falling into bed? Women like to feel sexy before they can 'perform'.
It sounds as if your relationship is good, but you have just gone a little stale which is true of most couples over time. It's easy to take each other for granted and just go through the motions. It will be a chore for her if she isn't feeling it. This doesn't mean she doesn't love you (which is obvious from her talk of marriage), what it means is that she is trying to please you even though she isn't really in the mood. You need to turn this around and see what SHE needs to GET in the mood.
Spice things up, FIND a sitter (or arrange to be home to get them to bed early), cook her a nice meal, buy her something she wouldn't expect to make her feel loved. Don't make excuses for not making time to be alone if you are saying your relationship is in jepardy. This stuff is important to keep things alive and exciting.
In my opinion, this CAN be fixed - you just have to be prepared to put in a little work.
I hope this helps,
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