Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Is she naive or am I being conservative?

  1. #1
    Freshman Member
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Level completed: 86%,
    Points required for next Level: 7
    Level completed: 86%, Points required for next Level: 7
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    Tagger Second Class100 Experience Points7 days registered

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    11
    Points
    193
    Level
    3
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default Is she naive or am I being conservative?

    Well it was a long story and complicated. I'm 19 and never had a girlfriend so please bear with me. Anyways the story with this female friend of mine, I tried to ask her out but it was a wrong timing because she already got a boyfriend. Anyways, she surprised me because she portrayed herself to be self-controlled. She asked me before what does it mean when a guy ask 'are you sexual' in flirting. For some reason she didn't freak out. Then I said he just wants sex from you. After a month of no communications, later on I found out they became together but told me her bf was 'all over' her since the first date, following her to the bathroom, and had oral with her on the fourth date. The guy also hinted he wants to do it asap but she doesn't want to do it yet so he agreed not to. I got a feeling though that he sees her as a challenge so he agreed. I don't have experience but I have seen it happen before.

    When I told her he's too fast and replied 'Aren't guys that horny?' She thinks I am being too conservative and slow for a guy. Yeah right just because I respect girls. She thought her bf wasn't being too fast at all. From my point of view, any form of sex should be done maybe when the couple are together for a month to show that the relationship is genuine. I don't know, was she being naive or am I being conservative? Am I wrong to think that any immediate sexual advances are wrong?

    Sent from my E15i using Tapatalk

  2. #2
    Super Moderator
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Level completed: 38%,
    Points required for next Level: 312
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 312
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Your first Group5000 Experience Points1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    OhManINeedCoffee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    1,613
    Points
    15,538
    Level
    80
    Blog Entries
    10
    My Mood
    Goofy
    Rep Power
    125


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Honestly, there's no right or wrong here - it's what you're comfortable with. Some of us have to move toward physical intimacy at a snail's pace (myself included, as physical and emotional intimacy are all tied up together for me), and others prefer a faster pace. I suppose it all depends on your attitudes toward sex.

    Whether she's being naive or not, in my view, is irrelevant simply because her decisions are her own business. You may be right...the guy she's with may be a total player, but there's little anyone but she can do about it.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

  3. #3
    Freshman Member
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Level completed: 86%,
    Points required for next Level: 7
    Level completed: 86%, Points required for next Level: 7
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    Tagger Second Class100 Experience Points7 days registered

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    11
    Points
    193
    Level
    3
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default Re: Is she naive or am I being conservative?

    Thank you for your reply I feel more comfortable now about my view and I will stick to my 'conservative' value. Nobody is going to change that.

    Sent from my E15i using Tapatalk

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Points: 4,523, Level: 42
    Points: 4,523, Level: 42
    Level completed: 87%,
    Points required for next Level: 27
    Level completed: 87%, Points required for next Level: 27
    Overall activity: 99.7%
    Overall activity: 99.7%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Downloads
    Slick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Romania
    Posts
    395
    Points
    4,523
    Level
    42
    My Mood
    Relaxed
    Rep Power
    107


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Manero, what exactly is your play here?

    If this girl is just a female friend and you don't have any hidden future plans regarding her, sure, knock yourself out hearing all her nonsense if you got that kind of patience. You do realize, all that you've written in your post belongs to the "girl talking to her girlfriends" section right? I never had the patience to listen to girl rants that go nowhere (this guy is like this, like that, he does this to me he doesn't do this to me + any sex related crap) mostly because being "Mr. Know It All or Mr. Fix It with a girl ends in disaster and a lot of "What the hell, she said this but she's done that" situations. If you're trying to get this girl, you're already off the rails with this one and trust me, that long awaited day when she'll realize what a great, conservative, respectful young lad you are compared with the usual horn-dogs she digs will never come.

    I ain't aiming to bust your balls, but Manero, at 19 i was pretty much into this "horny devil" status myself and:
    a) I don't feel bad about it
    b) It seemed normal at the time and it still seems normal now
    It's 2012 man, not 1812....Sure, chivalry isn't dead and i'm a strong advocate for being a gentleman but i'm a stronger advocate for taking no sh*t and being no girlfriend. Your biggest flaw is thinking girls at 19-20 don't want sex or want to linger 1-2-3 months holding hands and kissing on the cheeks...Quick tip: if the sex is good, only a jackass will dump her. What do you think is better? having sex on the 3rd date and breaking it off afterwards because the sex was bad (big spoiler here....the girl could also pull this one) or lingering 1.5 months and breaking it off then because the sex was bad?

    I've always found it fascinating how "nice guys" aren't that spotless and how "jerks" aren't that dirty in real life ... back in law school i had a good friend with similar views. Even though we were good friends, he used to nag me a lot about being "insensitive", "horny all the time", "disrespectful to women" and even called me "mysoginistic pig" a few times. He had no experience with women so he relied on this "nice guy" persona and an all around general "being just a good friend/advisor/counselor" behavior. To cut the story short, instead of ditching him and his "i'm so tall on my high moral horse" ass (it got so bad he was starting to try put my actions on a bad light in public thinking this will shed a bright light on him in return) i chose to do the opposite and punch through the wall he was building, getting closer. Cutting the story short again, in time he rebooted himself and was quite successful with women. My point in this story is the lessons he learned after having positive results with women :
    - sex makes or breaks a relationship
    - sex should not be a leverage point a woman has on a man

    If i'd ask him now about waiting a month before having sex with a woman, he'd probably laugh his ass of and ask me "Why? i ain't no beggar". It's easy playing moral high-grounds when you're stuck on a single woman/girl you think you have chances of having sex with and hiding behind ancient beliefs to mask your failures and insecurities but it's a very "snake eats it's tail" circle you're walking. That woman will know she's you're only bet and will put you on a dead track....beggars don't get to chose and the hungry don't get fed ;)

    Back to your story, it's pretty easy to spot form my post who i think the naive one really is. The girl is just acting normal, exploring her sexuality and also learning a few social skills like "How to turn a man into a girlfriend". At her age she'll love the drama so prepare for a few episodes of "he's such a jerk and i'm so over him" , "he was only interested in sex but i keep on getting back with him" and the season finale "My God, after he dumped my sorry ass and abused me, it took me such a long time to get over him and i've learned so much....btw my new boyfriend is his clone". Stay tuned ;)

    Cheers, Mike
    "What you won't let die, won't let you live "

  5. #5
    Freshman Member
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Level completed: 86%,
    Points required for next Level: 7
    Level completed: 86%, Points required for next Level: 7
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    Tagger Second Class100 Experience Points7 days registered

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    11
    Points
    193
    Level
    3
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default Re: Is she naive or am I being conservative?

    Quote Originally Posted by Slick View Post
    Manero, what exactly is your play here?

    If this girl is just a female friend and you don't have any hidden future plans regarding her, sure, knock yourself out hearing all her nonsense if you got that kind of patience. You do realize, all that you've written in your post belongs to the "girl talking to her girlfriends" section right? I never had the patience to listen to girl rants that go nowhere (this guy is like this, like that, he does this to me he doesn't do this to me + any sex related crap) mostly because being "Mr. Know It All or Mr. Fix It with a girl ends in disaster and a lot of "What the hell, she said this but she's done that" situations. If you're trying to get this girl, you're already off the rails with this one and trust me, that long awaited day when she'll realize what a great, conservative, respectful young lad you are compared with the usual horn-dogs she digs will never come.

    I ain't aiming to bust your balls, but Manero, at 19 i was pretty much into this "horny devil" status myself and:
    a) I don't feel bad about it
    b) It seemed normal at the time and it still seems normal now
    It's 2012 man, not 1812....Sure, chivalry isn't dead and i'm a strong advocate for being a gentleman but i'm a stronger advocate for taking no sh*t and being no girlfriend. Your biggest flaw is thinking girls at 19-20 don't want sex or want to linger 1-2-3 months holding hands and kissing on the cheeks...Quick tip: if the sex is good, only a jackass will dump her. What do you think is better? having sex on the 3rd date and breaking it off afterwards because the sex was bad (big spoiler here....the girl could also pull this one) or lingering 1.5 months and breaking it off then because the sex was bad?

    I've always found it fascinating how "nice guys" aren't that spotless and how "jerks" aren't that dirty in real life ... back in law school i had a good friend with similar views. Even though we were good friends, he used to nag me a lot about being "insensitive", "horny all the time", "disrespectful to women" and even called me "mysoginistic pig" a few times. He had no experience with women so he relied on this "nice guy" persona and an all around general "being just a good friend/advisor/counselor" behavior. To cut the story short, instead of ditching him and his "i'm so tall on my high moral horse" ass (it got so bad he was starting to try put my actions on a bad light in public thinking this will shed a bright light on him in return) i chose to do the opposite and punch through the wall he was building, getting closer. Cutting the story short again, in time he rebooted himself and was quite successful with women. My point in this story is the lessons he learned after having positive results with women :
    - sex makes or breaks a relationship
    - sex should not be a leverage point a woman has on a man

    If i'd ask him now about waiting a month before having sex with a woman, he'd probably laugh his ass of and ask me "Why? i ain't no beggar". It's easy playing moral high-grounds when you're stuck on a single woman/girl you think you have chances of having sex with and hiding behind ancient beliefs to mask your failures and insecurities but it's a very "snake eats it's tail" circle you're walking. That woman will know she's you're only bet and will put you on a dead track....beggars don't get to chose and the hungry don't get fed ;)

    Back to your story, it's pretty easy to spot form my post who i think the naive one really is. The girl is just acting normal, exploring her sexuality and also learning a few social skills like "How to turn a man into a girlfriend". At her age she'll love the drama so prepare for a few episodes of "he's such a jerk and i'm so over him" , "he was only interested in sex but i keep on getting back with him" and the season finale "My God, after he dumped my sorry ass and abused me, it took me such a long time to get over him and i've learned so much....btw my new boyfriend is his clone". Stay tuned ;)

    Cheers, Mike
    Uhhh...well actually I moved on. I'm trying to get a different girl in my college. I admit I have an inkling of feelings left but I realised she and I are different. She is living the fast life while I prefer a steady one. Why did I say that? Because there is another new drama with her boyfriend and now she is being a 'bitch' about it. Yes you are right, her rants are girlfriend rants. She was different from last year and my friends even think the same thing.

    Anyways, I'm not saying I am a nice guy. If I am going to be successful with girls I will do it my own way though but not by being too nice. I know being 'too nice' won't get you nowhere and I realised that the hard way.

    thanks for your reply. The main reason I ask this question was because if I am being moralistic in my views. You gave me your opinion that I am but I will not give up my view although if experience comes, maybe I will change who knows. As the case with her, I will just let her be. To tell you the truth she is actually a girl with many inhibitions so I suppose you are right that she is just exploring, albeit on thin ice if you ask me because of her outrageously horny boyfriend. Seriously, who follows a girl to the bathroom in a bowling place? Therefore I will just let her be and make mistakes.

    Sent from my E15i using Tapatalk

  6. #6
    Super Moderator
    Points: 9,994, Level: 66
    Points: 9,994, Level: 66
    Level completed: 86%,
    Points required for next Level: 56
    Level completed: 86%, Points required for next Level: 56
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Discussion Ender
    Tiggerinlondon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    London, United Kingdom
    Posts
    507
    Points
    9,994
    Level
    66
    Blog Entries
    2
    My Mood
    Breezy
    Rep Power
    113


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter...."

    Dear Manero,

    Welcome and good for you old chap. When you are ready is when you are ready and not before. IME that applies to girls as well as boys. What's right for you is also, what's right for you. Each person is an individual and we grow and change.

    You might change your mind on this topic and you know what? You also might not! You might not have sex before your wedding night, because you find someone who believes that the good sex comes (no pun intended!) when the trust, caring, respect, communication and understanding are already there! It might just be that, you then can be much more open than most couples having never tried anything before and the best thing could be you learn together what you each like.

    Who knows?!

    Anyhow, my advice is as per my signature.

    See you soon.

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

  7. #7
    Freshman Member
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Level completed: 86%,
    Points required for next Level: 7
    Level completed: 86%, Points required for next Level: 7
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    Tagger Second Class100 Experience Points7 days registered

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    11
    Points
    193
    Level
    3
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default Re: Is she naive or am I being conservative?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiggerinlondon View Post
    Dear Manero,

    Welcome and good for you old chap. When you are ready is when you are ready and not before. IME that applies to girls as well as boys. What's right for you is also, what's right for you. Each person is an individual and we grow and change.

    You might change your mind on this topic and you know what? You also might not! You might not have sex before your wedding night, because you find someone who believes that the good sex comes (no pun intended!) when the trust, caring, respect, communication and understanding are already there! It might just be that, you then can be much more open than most couples having never tried anything before and the best thing could be you learn together what you each like.

    Who knows?!

    Anyhow, my advice is as per my signature.

    See you soon.

    All the best,

    Annita
    Thank you so much for the help Annita. Dealing with this girl has been a bane for me :/ she is a complicated girl. To be honest any kind of man will have a hard time being with her. I think she is forcing herself to grow up too fast. Both of us are at the stage of 'coming of age' but I choose to do it steadily while she does it rapidly. Despite the differences of our ways, both of us need a lot of learning.

    Anyway I am a very open person to many views although my views about sex are conservative. I suppose that's just how I have been conditioned since I was little considering all the stories of unplanned pregnancies, marrying the wrong guy etc back in my old country were told to kids to scare us off.

    I don't think sex before marriage is wrong but I think sex without love is, well, inappropriate but that is just my view. I'm just one of those guys who prefer that there is something when I do it for the first time.

    Sent from my E15i using Tapatalk

  8. #8
    Super Moderator
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Level completed: 38%,
    Points required for next Level: 312
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 312
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Your first Group5000 Experience Points1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    OhManINeedCoffee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    1,613
    Points
    15,538
    Level
    80
    Blog Entries
    10
    My Mood
    Goofy
    Rep Power
    125


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    In my experience, doing something when you're actually ready for it, rather than when everyone thinks you should be ready for it, gives you fewer regrets. Sure, there's the belief that being more hesitant or needing certain things to be in place in order to enjoy sex are ways of masking insecurities with feelings of moral superiority. This type of thinking is far too black-and-white in a gray world for me.

    I've been accused of playing games by "witholding sex," but the truth is, if I don't know you that well, I'm too much of a giant pool of anxiety and fear to enjoy anything. And then I get in trouble for being deliberately frigid instead of feeling privileged to spend a couple of hours with who is apparently the god of sex like I'm supposed to. The truth is, I don't like that feeling I get of being used (I dated a guy for 2 years who made it feel that way every time)...I feel embarrassed and more like a "receptacle" than a person. Am I perhaps extremely sensitive? Yes, I can be honest with myself. Are most men going to tolerate the whole "wait for the turtle to come out of her shell" thing I do with everybody? No, and that's fine. The actual fact is this: I don't take any crap, and if you're full of said crap, then no. I do not want you in my pants. Ever.

    Will they call me names and say I'm a prude? Probably. And that's ok...they're certainly entitled to think so, just as I'm entitled to decide for myself what I do with my own body. The guys I wind up having an all-around good relationship with know differently. And I in turn have no regrets.

    The bottom line is that this girl seems to have a different attitude toward sex than you do, and I think you've done yourself a favor by leaving her be.
    Last edited by OhManINeedCoffee; 11-21-2012 at 09:37 AM. Reason: Can't...sentence...properly.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

  9. #9
    Freshman Member
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Points: 193, Level: 3
    Level completed: 86%,
    Points required for next Level: 7
    Level completed: 86%, Points required for next Level: 7
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    Tagger Second Class100 Experience Points7 days registered

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    11
    Points
    193
    Level
    3
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Thank you again for your response I must admit this girl is really beautiful and sexy and tons of guys chase her but she is full of drama and makes boys dance to her tunes. She is no longer the girl that I knew :/ She became manipulative and bossy. Don't get me wrong, she is a really nice, smart and friendly girl and we both are from the same strict Asian culture and we have many inhibitions but she is forcing herself to grow up too quick. She complains quite a lot about her life but to an extent it's her fault for being so spontaneous and wanting to have an exciting life. I, on the other hand, I would prefer things to be steady. The girl has a point that sometimes I am too nice for a guy and I need to work on it but not to impress her. We're just too different that it wouldn't even make a difference even if I change. While this other guy keeps chasing her even though she got a bf, I gave up on her because any man will find it hard to be with her. Now because of her, I realized I want a steadier, calmer and collected girl. In other words, a nerd like me

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •