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Thread: I love my wife< but how do i control my sex drive?

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    Default I love my wife< but how do i control my sex drive?

    I am new here, and I hope that we can have an adult discussion to help me.
    I have been happily married for just over 9 years. We have 3 kids ( oldest is 7 youngest is 4 months old). I had a Vasectomy just over a week ago, and my sex drive is through the roof, bit wifey isnt so in to it.
    We had a very intimate discussion about it last night, as she seems distant during sex, and I am very respectful to her in so many ways, however it's like a disease. I cant get sex off my mind, so by the time I get home, and we we eventually get the kids to bed, I wanna get the show-on, and I can already sense that she is not interested.
    She says it's because she is still breast feeding, but I just dont know.....

    Most of our sexual life has been pretty good. I long for the excitement of the old days, of sneaking around and her grabbing me in risky locations etc.
    How can I get that back from her?

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    Hi, SuddenSleeper, and welcome.

    My first question to you is this - how was your sex life after you had your first two children? Was there a "dry spell" for a few months after those births, too?

    I obviously don't know all the details regarding your circumstances and your marriage, but if your sex life has largely been good up to now, I'm inclined to think that much of this has less to do with her losing interest in you and more to do with post-pregnancy hormone changes. Pregnancy and childbirth is, as you probably know by now, pretty traumatic on the body, and with childbirth often come a bunch of hormone changes. Also, it's pretty difficult for a woman to feel sexy four months after giving birth. Think about it - her lady parts have basically undergone the equivalent of a small explosion, her skin is stretched and loose, and her body's doing a bunch of weird stuff. I understand that, this being your third child, she's already well aware of the aftermath, but it's still pretty tough to feel sexy and in the mood when you've barely slept and been thrown up on/peed on/drooled on a bunch. There's also a possibility that she's still sore, particularly if she's had stitches or anything.

    The breast feeding thing I kind of understand - while it's fine to have sex while breast feeding, I know a lot of women who have been kind of turned off by the possibility of "unwanted sprayage." Has this been an issue after the births of your other two children as well?

    If this is something that's totally new, however, I'd suggest that you encourage her to speak to her doctor, especially if she's also feeling depressed. If there's something more to this than hormone changes, then counseling might be a good idea.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    Now I'm not sure how it was before with the first two kids but even if she breat fed and had a high sex drive it may not nessasarily mean that it's going to be the same after this kid. I am a mother to one child and decided to breast feed and I've cut down but I'm still nursing once or twice and she's a toddler and I know my drive was practically non-existant. I'm actually just now getting to the point where I start to feel like I may have a sex drive but it's not even high. This was a HUGE change from before. Before I got pregnant I had a very high sex drive. My point is that with each pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding hormones may be a little different every time. Her hormones might be all over the place right now. Plus another thing to keep in mind is that this 3rd child was just born 4 months ago so that is a big adjustment PLUS if she is working or taking care of the kids all day she may just simply be too tired.

    Did you both agree to stop having kids and have a vasectomy? That's another thing that could be why like if she wanted more kids but I imagine if you got it done you two probably were done having kids so I'd lean more toward it being hormones or just overall tiredness.

    I know it's tough especially when you're on the other end with the high drive. I've been there before and been frustrated but at the same time felt bad like I had the problem since I wanted sex often. I'd say to try to compromise and work together on it. See what she is willing to do. Ask her what you can do to make her feel more comfortable and in the mood. Maybe make a date night every other week so that you two have a specially time set aside for the two of you. Don't pressure her too much though because then she will be more and more reluctant. Just try to be patient.

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