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Thread: 4 years of flip flopping...

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    Default 4 years of flip flopping...

    OK, so this is a long story and I'm going to do my best to cover all the bases. Let me start by saying neither my girlfriend Sam or I are innocent and I will do my best to say it as true to life as I can. Well the best place to start is the beginning....

    At age 19 I got my 18 year old girlfriend pregnant, not to mention she was my 1st I was not her first though. Yay luck right? Anyhow we had been dating about 3 months when we found this out, and since then the trouble ensued. The first issue started when (believe this part or not) she gave me her phone to hold since she had no pockets, a fair amount of time went buy and I forgot I had her phone, as did she. I left for work still l with her phone and then it started going off, at first I ignored it but then it kept going off so I assumed it was important and went to reply to tell them she would get back to them when she got her phone back. What I found shocked me... it was a text from her ex boyfriend Don she dated before me, someone she told me she no longer had any contact with. The text read "Hell no I'm not f@cking stupid." Naturally this sparked my curiosity, her prior text said, "Did you leave anything inside me last time we had fun?

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    Hi mate, welcome here...
    You had a lot to digest i see, and even writing all these things down is a step in the right direction
    Man this is quite a story...first things first, no matter how rude/awkward/downright di*k-ish it may sound, get, or at least ask, for a paternity test. This is one very intricate web of lies and deceit and you need to really know where you stand regarding this child before going off in any direction. If she gets mad, makes a scene or starts launching accusations, pursue it till you get your answer (a legal one i mean): sorry to burst her bubble, but it doesn't fit the timeline: if the 2 of you were together for 3 months, why would she ask the other guy for confirmation? Maybe some female members would like to fill this void, but most of the women i know would freak out if they missed their period right about when it was due time, let's add another whole month for the sake of the story....but hell, 3 months later? This is plain BS. There are a lot of red flags regarding this conception story and friend, i'd go straight for the paternity test at the sight of a slightly yellowish one, not to mention you have a box full of them.

    The other part of your story....i know you love this girl, but step back a little and re-read all you wrote...do you really like what you see? is in your story even a glance that this girl wants to be with you? Bluntly said, you're a doormat, the safety net, the last option, call it however you want to call it, but you're no boyfriend, you're no husband and i'd bet some cash you ain't even a father. Let's leave the "father" aspect on a side until you get your answer and focus on the relationship aspect...this prompts the question "What relationship?" Hell man, each time she either meets a dude, either someone else bluntly walks all over you and sets her up with someone, she goes straight for it. Your "relationship" with her looks more like "the breaks she takes between other relationships while she is on the lookout" . Another problem is her availability...friend, to her an her cohorts, you are the last option, not even an option at all : she encourages her friends to always be on the lookout for potential partners for her, what does that tell you about your place in her eyes and the respect she has for you? And let's be blunt here, she ain't testing the waters, so far is there any "relationship" she had, that didn't included the sex?

    That was the long version...the short version is:
    - if you're the father - take care of the child BUT WALK AWAY from her
    - if you're not the father - WALK AWAY and start running , there's no way to "fix" this, you can't make people love you and want to be with you and look again: nobody loves you here.

    Cheers, Mike
    "What you won't let die, won't let you live "

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    I'm kinda at a loss for words, that's the m mostly clearly its ever really been put to me. Most of my friends/family tell me to work iit out since we've both screwed up (her much more then I but still) or to leave but they never go into more detail they just change the subject... do I need her permission for a DNA test? I mean he's my son as well can't I just go and have it done to find out without bringing it up to her? The kid looks Identical to mme I mean I could post a pic of him and I at the same age posed the same and if my pic wasn't black and white youd never guess who was who.

    With the rest of that, her friend who was helping her like that is out of her life now so i don't know iif that makes a difference. I'm tempted to go talk to this,Brian Guy (they both work at different kiosks in the mall, him at one my gf switches between three) and try to pretend to be a guy interested in her and see if I can get info out of him but idk...$hit its all a lot easier said then done...she swears up and down she wants this more then anything which she's never said before but she doesn't show it so what does that prove


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    dcwiker,

    Don't play games with other people. THAT is what got you in the situation you are in now. Mike is right. Ask you ex for a paternity test. Quit with all the "I'll try this or I'll try that." Leave the games alone. You are talking about a child, despite the pregnancy, the did NOT do anything wrong. Man up and if the child is yours, love that child with every being you have. Leave the childish behavior alone. You can do it. JUST BE HONEST!


    Take care,

    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    I was actually hoping you'll say you've already had a paternity test done as this rises up a few other red flags ... think about it this way, if she indeed was sure you are the father (let's skip the "checking with the ex" BS), what kind of woman goes on and on again looking for someone else, while being pregnant and even after? i know she's young but some family values elude her by far. I don't know what the legislation is in your country regarding paternity tests but i don't think you'll need her consent or a court order to get one done. This is a major major step that must be done if you ask me, as it will dictate a certain conduit for you in the future. You can alternatively get your cues from her reaction when you say you want one, but this is tricky: she might either try to avoid it or try to soften you up by putting some nice good behavior to distract your attention. My advice is to talk with your parents about this (don't be ashamed to ask for advice from them and if it's the case be honest about your concerns) and do it under the radar. Trust me when i say that "she/he looks just like me" can turn up to be a very bad way to get your cues....heck man, my brother's kid looks just like me if you're looking for similarities and you're constantly encouraged to see them and it's funny, i look nothing like my brother. Children are innocent no matter the outcome of this test, but if you're not the father, why should you play one, if the mother didn't saw you in that spot till now? If it's yours, take charge and raise it well, but if it's not, don't burden yourself with other people's mistakes.

    Part number 2: Dave took the words out of my mouth on this one...why play games? And please, ditch the "it was the friend's fault for her behavior" idea, I hope she didn't play this card on you. Always remember, all she did so far, she did it BECAUSE SHE WANT IT TO, not because others pushed her. Back to this new guy, look for patterns in your story, they're bright as the sun....want to know what i think? i think with each "encounter" you became a better cop with faster reaction times and a better "BS detector", but she also became a better thief with better modes of operating and nicer words to distract your attention (on a side note, i don't call my mother 37 times a week man, and we do talk a lot).
    "What you won't let die, won't let you live "

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