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Hi, Styx, and I'm sorry this is such a late response.
I am going to be blunt, but it's only because I don't feel like I'd be doing you any good if I decided to sugarcoat my response.
I'm not sure I can even see this as a "short term relationship." I see this as a one-sided relationship that she was not interested in joining. Here are the reasons why:
1. You ask her to be your girlfriend after what you perceive to be your third "date," and she turns you down, saying that she'd rather get to know you better. To me, this means that you moved too fast for her liking, and it scared her off a bit.
2. You kiss her, and she's clearly uncomfortable with it. Again, this says to me that she is not in this relationship this you. She seems to be wanting to spend time with people in her program and make friends. I did the same thing in graduate school, even with men. The more people you know in your graduate program, the more likely you are to form a group in which to bounce ideas off one another. Graduate school can be a lonely time, especially when you're far from home (like I was). You want to enjoy the company of like-minded people as much as you can.
3. She expressly told you she didn't feel about you the way that you feel about her. She attemped to distance herself from you, even though you continued to ty to contact her. This tells me that she's not trying to stroke her ego or lead you on - she's tried to let you down lightly. She hasn't exactly been ambiguous about her feelings for you.
Yes, you most likely came across as too needy and clingy to her. Honestly, the more needy and clingy you are, the more you push someone away.
Your question to us is what you should do and what should you have done in the first place.
What you should have done doesn't matter anymore - what's done is done, and you can't make up for it by being on your "best behavior."
What you should do? That's something I don't like telling people to do, because it's up to them. If you think hanging on to a woman who has made it absolutely clear that she's not interested in dating you will help you, then do it. However, I do advise you not to be surprised if you don't get the results you want. If you think you can woo her by helping her through a difficult class, then go for it. But again, Be prepared for a "thanks for your help" and nothing more.
This disturbs me. Does this mean that when a woman says, "No," she actually means "Yes"? Does this mean that when she says, "Please leave me alone," she really means, "Please follow me around, show up on my doorstep, text me constantly, and continue to inflict your needy presence upon me"? Does this idea give you an excuse to continue badgering a girl who, in my opinion, has made it clear multiple times that she's just not interested in you? Does this mean you have every right NOT to respect her wishes, her feelings, or her opinions? Does this mean that what you want is the only thing that matters here? Forgive me, but that is straight-up misogyny that won't win ANY woman's heart. Do not EVER assume you know a woman's mind better than she knows her own - in this day and age, you will insult the heck out of her.
Also, about her saying that she doesn't feel this way to me that day, well, we all know the saying that you can't trust what a girl said.
Just because you want someone, it doesn't mean that they're obligated to want you back. Just because a woman confides in you, it doesn't mean she wants to date you - it may just mean she likes you as a person with no romantic undertones (yes, this is possible - it's called camaraderie). She may understand and appreciate that you've never dated anyone before, but how do you expect her "not to mean to not feel anything at all towards" you? It sounds like you're relying on the pity factor here. Do you really want a woman who only dates you because she pities you?
I don't mean to be hurtful when I tell you this, but I feel I have to be honest, having been a woman in the same position this girl is in right now, and having been a moderator on this site for a long time. You seem to be taking any positive interaction you have with this woman and using it as a way to give you hope that there is a spark still there. Even if you're trying your best not to come across as needy, this is needy behavior. Having experienced a guy who was similar to you, I have to say that all those offers to be helpful and simply care about my success are things that any woman of some intelligence can see right through - you have an agenda, and she knows it. You're playing "the nice guy" in hopes that she'll fall for you, but most women can see that the nice guy act is just that - an act. An act you use to make her feel "obligated" to give you what you want.
Play it cool if you want, offer to help her through her courses if you think that'll manipulate her into falling for you. But also prepare yourself for the possibility that she doesn't give you what you want.
Last edited by OhManINeedCoffee; 01-15-2013 at 07:57 AM.
"Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card