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Thread: How to Forgive

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    Default How to Forgive

    I am recently coming off the end of a relationship. I was with a man who I thought I would marry (He was very career driven, successful, and seemed kind and generous). However, I am grateful that with time, his true personality and motivations came through and the relationship ended. It has been a difficult few months since the split, but for the most part, I have been able to pick myself up from the heartbreak, see him and things for what they really were, and begin the journey to emotional and spiritual healing. From this relationship, I learned what I will not tolerate: I will not tolerate a man who calls me names and puts me down when he becomes angry, I will not tolerate a man who will make a joke at my expense in front of his friends, I will not tolerate a man who pressures me to hurry up and make huge, life-changing decisions, and then abandons me when I don't choose the one he wants. I will not tolerate a man who will not make me or our relationship a priority in his life. The list could go on and on...

    What I am struggling with the most is learning how to forgive. To release the anger I have towards him for all the hurtful, cruel things he said while we were together and for the resentment I still hold because he could never make me or the relationship a priority. I know that I need to forgive because holding on to this anger is consuming. I know that forgiving needs to be done because "it release the real prisoner of anger... me". Internally, my mind understands this. But what I have a hard time controlling is feeling angry about how he treated and spoke to me, and the deep wounds he created by abandoning me at a time when I really needed him the most.

    There has been NC since the split (thank goodness, because I needed it for my recovery); I just feel like I cannot relinquish this anger I have.

    Any suggestions or helpful advice on how to start this process of forgiving?

    Thank you all.

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    If you have a lot of intense anger you can try writing it out on paper, no editing or making to sound nicer than you feel really write out and express your angry feelings... You can even write a letter to him even tho you probably won't give him the letter but you still write for example "Dear Tom, I want you to know .." and just let him have it in the letter or express the deep pain he caused you now it affects you etc
    Another idea is you could take some small breakable items that don't have value to you and go somewhere private where you can feel free without worrying about someone seeing or hearing and break throw or smash the objects--- depending on how much hurt and anger you have


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