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Thread: Ex-girlfriend keeps emailing me all day...need some advice!

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    Default Ex-girlfriend keeps emailing me all day...need some advice!

    Hi,

    I will try to explain my situation as best as I can and I really hope someone can help me with this.

    I'm 22, my ex is 20. We were together for 1 year and almost 3 months when the month prior to our break-up she asked for no contact for a while. I panicked and started calling her and even visiting her house unannounced (was a really bad idea).
    This was my first relationship ever so I had no clue that if I continued acting needy and clingy I would push her further away. So it continued...and after one month she let me know that she wanted to break-up with me, because she was so tired of being in a relationship with me (we truly loved each other, but there was a lot of jealousy and insecurity going on). I tried begging and pleading of course. I didn't know any better then. I think the begging lasted approximately 3 day before I gave up and started looking for advice on the internet. That's when I found this site and started reading all of the different situations of people trying to get their ex back. So I decided to go NC and just drop the hope of ever getting back together with my ex for a while.
    I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep, but I signed up for therapy to help me deal with the issues of insecurity I had during the relationship.
    All the while my ex kept in contact with my sister daily. Always asking some weird question about me out of the blue. My sister would tell me and ask me what to reply. I always told her to not give my ex any real information about me, because I was honestly trying to get over her. I wanted to get rid of the depressed feelings as quickly as possible.
    So after two weeks of NC (there was however always some indirect contact during the NC, like contacting my sister, sending me a christmas card etc.) she send me an email wishing me a merry christmas. She also included all kinds of information about how exactly she was going to celebrate it and just all kinds of details. This came as a total surprise to me because just days ago she seemed angry and told me: "I'm already over you, now it's your turn to move on."
    I didn't want to come off as bitter or rude so I replied. And she answered. And I replied again. And she answered. And this has not stopped ever since the 24th of december.
    At first the emails were a bit formal. I gave a very quick reply without giving too much information about myself. She was actually the one who felt the need to tell me just about everything going on in her life (how she was feeling, what she'd eaten, what she was going to do that day) EVERYTHING. So slowly I started to give more details too and now we email each other at least 6/7 times a day. Whatever is going on we let each other know.

    Now here's what I need advice on: How do I proceed?
    I want her back, and I have let her know this. I told her that friendship is not what I want ultimately, but I do want to respect her and the space she needs to figure things out. I suggested we wait until after my therapy (which is in about three weeks) and then maybe we could meet up and have a drink somewhere. Take things slowly this time and see if in time we can rekindle our feelings for each other. (btw I have apologized for several mistakes I've made during our relationship and she accepted every one of them)
    She said that she is happy that I'm in therapy and that's it's good for me, but she is not sure about anything in the future. She also said the reason she doesn't want to meet me in person right now is because she is afraid she'll want to hug me and kiss me and that would lead to a relationship and she doesn't want that right now. What's confusing is that she also said that she would always have feelings for me (thus wanting to kiss me when she sees me). Does this mean she'll never let me meet her face to face again?
    I really just want the chance to meet her in person, start hanging out once in a while and see where it goes. I plan to wait two or three more weeks before asking her again. Is this a good idea? Also, do I just keep the amount of contact we have now as it is? She has moved from angry and annoyed to formal to very friendly and now we almost interact in the same way as when we were together except no romance and no fights.

    Btw my ex is really stubborn and it takes her two whole days to decide whether she'll go to the mall or not...so convincing her to meet me is probably going to take a whole lot of work and a lot of time...

    I'd appreciate any advice

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    Hi Rosh, glad you found us and decided to share your story

    Honestly, i think you're being toyed with...Man, her reasons for not wanting to meet with you are straight out of the "BS-ing 1.01" manual, just read them again out loud and maybe you'll realize how childishly stupid they sound....and that's just the cherry on top. Think about it this way, she's getting all she wants from you without having to commit to anything: she knows you want her (ego boost), she knows you're not seeing anyone nor planning on doing so (double ego boost) she has a "on stand by" ear to listen to all her crap, a shoulder to cry on maybe (i'd still put this on "her crap" as long as you're not dating her) -> and all this while minding her own business, while you are stuck in a "waiting to make your move" routine and looking up to her for a green light. Rosh, it ain't going to happen mate, life isn't a corny chicks flick...she came back only for the ego boost and it ain't something unique or uncommon. Probably she got rejected by someone and needed a refill station.

    You were on the right track with going NC and therapy but Rosh, read more of the stories around here and be amazed how many people got tricked the same way you did, confusing a dumper's need for validation and selfish ego boosting for genuine indicators of reconciliation. Also, don't even get me started on the whole "need space" excuse you got at your break-up...search for an old thread of mine called "Nails in the Coffin" and you'll get the picture. To be blunt, from where you are right now, you'll only go down, never up to the position you desire....if she wanted you there, you wouldn't be here believing juvenile excuses and looking for hidden meanings.

    Go NC, tell you sister to either cut the chatter or keep you out of the news feed. Sticking around benefits only one person, and it ain't you.

    Cheers, Mike
    "What you won't let die, won't let you live "

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    Thanks for your advice Mike!

    I thought about what you wrote, and it is starting to make sense. She is just used to talking to me about stuff. If she wanted me back, and really missed me like she said the other day, then she would actually do something about it...I guess she was just feeling lonely or something when she said that.

    NC was helping when I first started so, back to NC!

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    Dear Rosh,
    My advice is the same as Slick. Let me tell you my story so that you can open up your view.
    Me and my ex were together for 3 years, and i got bored of her (seriously). I feel like everything wasn't going the way it should and after an argument I said the breakup. But man I didn't know it would hurt like hell and after hurting her more I regretted it. Then I feel like a dumpee, I made every classic mistake: begging, pleading, precious gifts. My ex was seeing a guy who is 2 years younger at that time. But I kept lying to myself that she still loved me and just wanted to piss me off.
    The point is every time I met her she acted so close as if we were still a couple. Actually all she wanted was ego boost. Until 18 days ago I just realize that I had got enough, went straight no contact till now.
    Do not let any woman give you false hope man. Remember the first days when she fell into your arms unconditionally, If there was any chance of reconciliation it must come from both sides. Your situation is even better than mine since my ex is going out with another guy and even got laid (who knows?). So live on, now you have chance to get all the women out there even your ex.

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