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Thread: He's dating her, but thinks of me and I want him back!

  1. #1
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    Default He's dating her, but thinks of me and I want him back!

    So here's the thing; My ex and I were in a relationship for 9 months. Then suddenly he came with; "I don't think this is going to work anymore and we should break up. I still love you, but we can't be together anymore."
    To his suprise I agreed, we had a lot of fights and they were getting worse. After the break up he started seeing another girl, but with no further intentions at first. After he told me to **** off and move on with my life without him, he blocked all possible contact. So I gave up and found another guy who was being intrested in me. Not much later my ex looked me up. He was crying, apologizing for the things he'd done wrong and even gave me rozes.

    We got back together then, but I some how felt forced into the relationship. I was really happy that we were back together, but I felt depressed.
    After a party I stayed over at his place. While he was asleep I got texts from that other guy. Being confused as I was i just replied. Somewhere in the conversation he got to sex and that's when my boyfriend woke up and caught me texting with that guy. He was real mad and broke up with me again, calling me names and everything.

    We stayed friends afterwards and he went on an vacantions for a few days. When he got back I looked him up and we were talking things over and over again. He bought me a silver necklace, but didn't want to give it to me anymore because he wasn't sure anymore. On NYE we went to a party together and that one girl of his was also there. He drunkenly kissed her right in front of me. I was devestated..

    Later on we started to like each other AGAIN. And we planned on a date to the movies. The big day was there and we were getting back together, but for sure this time!
    And then he tricked me into something really nasty. He called me up saying we weren't going anymore. He said that the guy I texted had called him and could describe my body in perfect detail. I knew he was testing me because I've never met that guy. In anger I said "yes you're right, I slept with the guy".
    He got really mad and broke off contact. That same night he went to that girl, gave her my necklace, had sex and got into a relationship together.

    Again he left me devestated, but I learned to accept their relationship, however I would like to rip both their heads off.
    Eventually he came to me asking for advise about their boring sexlife.. I was hurt to hear that, but decided to be a good sport and give him advise. Later on he tells me that the relationship wouldn't work because of the sex. It just wasn't the same with me.
    After miscommunication a few days later we got into another fight. After we made up again he told me this:

    "I am very happy with her, she has qualities that I have been looking for my entire life that you didn't have. But also you have qualities she doesn't have. I would want a mix of the two of you, that'll be perfect. And the thing is; she is for me the girl who you used to be and who you could've been now. I don't want to hurt you, but i really love her. Although every time I look at her, I see your face."

    I really, really want him back and I know that he isn't over me, otherwise he wouldn't try to re-live our relationship with that other girl.
    He even told me that he still loves me very much and I know this isn't a lie.
    I am desperate to have him back at my side, but I don't know how to do that!

  2. #2

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    Hello nuzia,

    You didn't mention your age, but reading this from my age (29) and being a male, i can say that your conclusions don't match mine. All that i see is a guy trying to set someone up for the mistress/safety net position. Even if the choice of words is pretty nice, the facts remain the same:
    - he is with that girl and will continue to be with her
    - he wants to have sex with you while continuing his relationship with her
    - that's about it

    Your conclusion that he "tries to re-live your relationship with that other girl" is severely faulted if you ask me. All you got are his words and that's not a solid base in my opinion. Also, your second conclusion is far more faulted ("he loves you") - if he did love you, in the normal way that 2 people should love each other in order to have a happy relationship, why does your post contain so much "don't want to be alone / coming back with my tail between my legs only to go out again when i have the chance" go back and forth behavior?

    You might find my viewpoint overly simplistic, but in most cases, we either try to fill the blanks with faulted assumptions that suit our desires, or get out attention distracted from the obvious by some nice words. Case in point, to me, your chances at a "normal" relationship with this guy got down to zero right about when the "suddenly" and "started seeing another girl" got together. That's not a coincidence, he had a target, pushed you aside, got kicked, came back to a safe place and went out again when a new opportunity presented itself. Sure, you still have chances at a "being the fifth wheel" relationship type with this guy as, heck, he pretty much spelled it out loud to you, but if you're engaging this thinking "I will change him" be prepared for some major disappointments up ahead.

    Cheers, Mike

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