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Thread: We both have decided to have sex, but it won't happen soon enough.

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    Hi Andrew,
    there's some pretty neat stuff in your story and even if you do have some campy stuff thrown in there, you're on the good track. However, there are some pitfalls you must carefully avoid:

    - don't get too campy/cheesy - "Hey gorgeous", "hey sexy" work nice now, but seduction-wise, it's not something she earned, nor it's something you can easy amp up after you guys have sex for the first time (call me silly but i don't think you want a one time only with this girl). I called girls that were coming straight out of models catalogs, "hey ugly" (with a nice smirk of course) for a long time before they earned another nickname and trust me, for girls that look crazy good, it worked each time (also it's a good exercise for you to be able to not face-plant each time you see a good looking one and keep your cool). The reasoning behind it is pretty simple Andrew: compliments must be earned or deserved, When i was your age, i used to flirt a lot (my wife even jokes that i can't be talking to a woman without flirting in some kind of way - she used to get mad before but in time she realized it's something i do naturally, without even being aware of it - heck man, i ain't flirting with my mother in law's 50-60 years old friends) and the best advice is can give you, is to always be unpredictable and never be afraid to be that way. But regarding compliments, always remember: they must be earned or deserved - don't throw them around like free candy, especially with good looking girls. They know they look good, they know they are sexy, and they are used to getting attention - there isn't a single way to tell them that that she hasn't heard before from one guy or another. I used to compliment not so good looking girls way more than the ones i liked, especially if they were around to notice it- girls can be mean as hell one with another but also they are very competitive when it comes to men. I'm not saying to use a less good looking girl to get another, don't do that, it's disrespectful (you don't seem the type anyway), i'm just saying don't be picky regarding female friends. Anyway, each time you'll want to say something nice to her (the crush), try and pin it on someone else, another girl around (that girl has nice earings, shoes, makeup,nice walk, nice posture, whatever) ... compliments are good, but if you throw them around early on for free, you'll have nothing else left to reward a good behavior....which leads us to no.2

    - don't put her on a pedestal: out of your league, too good for you - those are very bad mindsets to bring into a seduction game - usually the one who has less to loose will be the first one to walk away and the one that has the most to loose will be the last one to quit. Pushing will end up in pulling almost every single time. Girls will always try to bait you into seeing exactly where you sit at the table: "You know you want to" - that was a hell of a trap -> in situations like this, my advice is to always don't take them seriously and always take your cues from her actions, not her words: "Not any more than you seem to want to" would be a nice save but the rule is, you better keep your mouth shut or say something neutral/funny than biting the bait. Once a girl figures you out, it's quicksand territory and grabbing on "but she said that" won't get you out.

    - don't push: this is way easier said than done as the more interested you are, the more you tend to loose track of where the push limit should be. One of the biggest tactics i was very good at and i strongly advise you to learn is "Enjoy the silence!". That's right - silence is good. Most guys run from this like their life depends on it, especially "conversational awkward silence" but i'll say to you : Learn to enjoy it!. You're not Mr. Entertainer of the Night, nor Mr. Clown on his spare Time, all you need to feel good in the world around you is yourself. Girls come and go and the more you let her know she's the attraction/highlight of your day/night the more insecure you'll look. When you feel the itch to say something as the Silence Monster approaches, just focus your attention on something around you and look mildly amused/intrigued- she'll eventually ask what got your attention and you're good to go. That's a trick, just sitting relaxed and looking like you're enjoying yourself is the better tactic.

    - limits: another one of those things a lot of guys lack when trying to seduce a girl. Always have them, never be afraid to enforce them. The more of an opened book you'll look like the faster she'll get bored - as a rule, i've always avoided talking about other girls and sexual experiences with them, or at least pushed the subject until we were more than "one timers". I'm not talking about that stuff only, keep in mind that not each question must have or deserves an answer. It's simple human interaction basics - each person has at least 3 or 4 circles of trust areas regarding to other people (strangers, acquaintances, friends, close friends) and you'll notice that the
    persons that publicly enforce this "exquisite/elitism" circles of trust, are the ones that are most successful and draw the most attention from the people around them. When guys meet girls they are interested in they have this dumb tendency to blow shortcuts in those circles in order to get them closer - don't do this, it's not healthy nor is something you can amp later on. Put certain subjects in the "off limits bin" (you can even put stupid ones just for the fun of it) and make it clear there's something beyond today/tonight ("Heck no, i'm not talking about this with a violin player, they're not to be trusted").

    Now the bad news Andrew: you are spot on that this texting won't get you far or not far enough to see the bed as this isn't a long distance flirt. Also, except for a girl you've just met in a nightclub/party (or old skeletons in the closet), it's pretty awkward to have the whole season in one episode. What i'm saying is, you'll need to get physical at one point or another, prior to having the night you dream on. It's all about the build up and for now, texting has pretty much run it's course. For your sake also, you'll need to get used to touching this girl (sounds silly but you don't want "the shakes" on your big night) and be comfortable and casual about her touching you, Baby steps is your answer here, a grab of her shoulders today, a kiss tomorrow, it will all pay up later on when an opportunity for a "place to do the dirty deed" appears. Trust me on this one, you wouldn't want yourself touching this girl for the first time on that night, nor you'll want her to notice you acting up like that then. Also, once you'll get physical it will get a hell of a lot easier to fill the gaps of the two of you meeting in public. Now, getting physical doesn't necessarily mean "going public" about the two of you and making sure she knows this is a good way to proceed (your little secret). Then again, asking her out doesn't necessarily mean "going steady" either and in order for you to get physical with her, you'll need to ask her out a few times. Yes, i know, it's a horrible thing, but it's all about the choice of words actually as "Let's go out for a few drinks tonight" means one thing and "I'm heading out to <bar X/the cinema/park> tonight/later on <for a few drinks/to see the Twilight marathon/clear my head/take some air>. Come joint me (careful, it's a statement, not a question)" it's a different dish. Sure, "who else it coming?" is inevitable, but "You" or "plenty of people i don't know will be there and that's enough" saves the day. Don't push, if she rejects, act casual, she's not the focus, "you going out" is and that will happen no matter if she's coming or not. If she accepts, but flakes at the last moment, doesn't show up and keeps quiet about it, again, act like you barely noticed her flaking (means no calling/texting from 6.45 to 9 if the date was at 7) and don't bring it up in the next conversation. She'll probably offer an excuse but flaking is still flaking, so make sure you seem unbiased by that (it was you going out, not you with her) and don't offer a second invitation unless she brings it into question.

    Cheers, Mike

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