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Thread: Need a man's perspective on this one, please....

  1. #1
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    Default Need a man's perspective on this one, please....

    Okay, I'll make this the reader's digest version.....
    Met a guy at church, we became friends, close friends, best friends, and it was awesome. We clicked in every way there is. Breathing was more difficult than our friendship. Enter the inevitable: feelings. Both of us developed feelings for each other. Yay! Here's the catch.... We were both going through a divorce. I had been separated for four years. He had been for six months. We talked about it, how it hadn't been long enough for him and he needed time, and I said that was fine. I completely understood, and I was perfectly happy just being friends. But it turned into something more anyway. I followed his lead, because he thought he was ready and it turned out he wasn't. Big surprise. Now he's completely wigged, and he's not even sure if he wants to be friends anymore, because he's uncomfortable now. From what he's saying, it sounds like it's because he's uncomfortable being friends knowing that I have feelings for him, even though I've told him very plainly several times I am perfectly fine just being friends. I would love if we could go back to the way our friendship was before. Am I missing something here, guys? Is there something about men here that I'm not getting? Is there something that I can do to help him feel comfortable with me again? He lives in another state, so it's a long distance friendship anyway, so we pretty much only communicate by text. I feel like maybe the best thing I can do is to give him space so that he doesn't feel like anything's being demanded of him from our friendship. But is there something else I could say?? I don't know what to do and I honestly just want my friend back. He was my best friend, and I really miss that. I'm not worried about the dating stuff. If it happens in the future, yay, but not right now. I just want our friendship back, and I know that I can't force anything out of him, and I don't want to, because I've never had to, and I've made sure that I never did, until we got into the relationship realm, and I don't want it to be like that at all. HELP!!!

  2. #2
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    Well, you pretty much said it yourself: can't force him to anything, so the best course of action would be to give him what he wants and see where that leads. I can't give you manly perspective on this, but if i'd have to take a wild guess, the turning point was sex, or lack of. It's a wild guess, but look closer a your timeline, identify the exact period when his behavior changed and look for what was the novelty factor in that period. There are a lot of blind spots in your story but like always, the answer is in the details, you just have to know where to look.

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    Default Need a man's perspective on this one, please....

    Yeah, maybe just give him some space and time and see how it turns out? Don't give him any clues or signs for a while that you have feelings for him, and see how it turns out. Odds are he will have let the issue go by then and things will be closer to normal.

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    Sometimes some men...like myself find it easier to talk with female friends...and when it crosses that line(when feelings are involved) we withdraw

    One instance...i have a female colleague that lunches with me most of the time....im her self proclaimed lunch buddy....we talk abt everything under the sun....but when i get invited to lunch by another clique once to often and te other clique is most made up of females...she loses her mind...she will walk by and stare fiercely....instances like these would make me withdraw and stay away from that lady..something along that lines...what i fear is giving out a wrong signal to the opp sex

    Sent from my SM-G920I using Tapatalk

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