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Thread: 4 months later.....

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    Default 4 months later.....

    So here I am again, and I am really looking for advice....

    My original post which I cant find for the life of me explained my circumstances, with a girl (younger), two years, she goes to uni, acts weird first week and leaves me, I try to work something out... nothing then after two week.. and thats been in it, 120% silence on both parts aside from some garbage her and friends had aimed at me on social networking sites, to which I did not respond. Things werent great when we split but I really thought this was it for a long time ahead... anyway it ended.

    Now 4 months down the line I have lived a little, got on with things, done things, but now I am at a stage where there are no other people romantically in my life, which could have an impact on what I am about to explain, I miss her, and I think I still love her, now she has made no effort whilst home over xmas to contact me, just drop two books off at my house (chuck them outside and run....no idea what that means...?), nothing. Yet I still love her, and I cant get my head round the idea she feels nothing at all for me anymore. All i know is that she has become a frequent social drug taker and is drunk more often than not.. She is enjoying herself and I dont want to stop that, I just miss what we were and what we had... although it had many downs as well as ups, the way it ended it didnt really end and now I am sat here, thinking.

    I cant lie, I am in agony, I keep laughing about it but I am in pain, I really wish I could say/do something to change this situation, but there is nothing?

    I see her family, friends in the streets and they ignore me, I know I played my part in its eventual downfall, but I never cheated, I never abused, I am not that guy, I did everything I could for her, and for a large part of the first year, I worked my arse off to accommodate her every need in her first serious relationship. Maybe she wanted to meet new people, new boyfriends, I dont know but I cant let go of something that seems to be gone.

    I need advice, what do I do, do I attempt anything or do I simply take this pain and keep moving on. Its got easier than it was but even 4 nearly 5 months later I still see photos of her online, I see things in my life that remind me of her and not a day goes by where I am not thinking of her. I really cared for her, I wasnt there when she needed me and she got rid, I just dont know.

    there is obviously a little more to this but this is the basic idea of it all.

    Thanks
    Nick

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    Default

    Hello Nick, nice to see you again

    I think your post contains both the question and the answer you're searching. Take the last paragraph with it's question, and add the second to last paragraph on top of it. Do you think there is something you haven't done already? It's natural to go looking for answers Nick as you lack a proper closure but heck man, see where she headed after the break-up and think of it this way: what solid, heart warming, mature answers do you think you'll get from a frequent social drug taker constantly dumbed down by booze? I'm not bad-mouthing her, but look at her actions, she didn't cool down brainstorming what went wrong in your relationship. she didn't took her time and looked for a more stable, healthy, loving, caring, serious, mature, partner and as far as it looks she just went sideways and berserk all over the place. It's hard to let go Nick, but honestly, except fading memories of good times, to what else are you holding on? It will get easier, but nobody said it's easy and the only person that can help you is you.

    Mike
    "What you won't let die, won't let you live "

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    Hi Mike,

    Thank you again for your words of wisdom. They do help and are appreciated.

    I am at a low point, writing this right now this is a bad time for me. I keep telling myself that there is something there, something not right and she did this to avoid pain, over someone she loved not being around... but that cant be true, and again I will never know the answer I know, I just cant get past this idea that it was so seemingly easy to get rid of me, and she had moved on after a week... and almost certainly has now. I havent. I am trying and I have made progress, but I feel like im hitting self destruct lately. I saw her once over the xmas period, she was a few meters away, I looked at her and she knew I was there, but she didnt raise her head, kept it looking at the ground..... She cant even look at me??? my initial thoughts were perhaps she feels guilty for something, for this, for anything, but I just think she didnt want me to bother her.

    I see her family, they blank me, her friends only say hello when they have no choice, I do not know how she has come off as the victim in this but I did not expect them to be friendly, I just didnt expect this. Life I guess, I wasnt ready for it to end. I wasnt a perfect boyfriend, I keep saying that, but I had some of the happiest times of my life maybe I do need to accept they are gone and continue to heal. There is nothing I can do to change this or fix the damage done by it. I cant bad mouth her either, she may be drinking.etc but she is happy/happier without me and who am I to want to change that for my own gain. The memories are all thats left. Every visible thing I have seen from her (cringe: online) has only indicated that she has moved on and is completely past it, if she wasnt... who knows, but thats not the case. The book thing was her getting rid of the last pieces of me (although she still has several pieces of expensive camera equipment).

    Oh dear, I am rambling, I appreciate yours, and others help getting through this tough time.

    Thanks
    Nick

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    Hey Nick

    I know exactly how you feel, I've been where you are now , but trying to second guess why she has left , what if'ing things you've done of not done, and trying to guess why her friends and family are acting the way they are will only make things worse for you.
    I did the same as you , and when I came on here for help , I was told I needed to stop thinking about it all , and at first that was the most difficult thing in the world , but it is possible... its hard , but is possible , and it was the best thing I did.
    It doesn't mean you don't care about her anymore , it just means you are making a conscious decision to care about yourself more, and what you need right now is to stop driving yourself crazy with all this. No matter how much you want to , you can't know whats going on inside other peoples heads, and what you think you know could be completely wrong , so stop thinking about it , train your brain to think about something else every time you catch yourself.

    Sometime's the people we love do things that are hurtful , but most of the time it's what we do to ourselves afterwards that cause the most damage.

    we are here if you need us

    nikki
    Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde

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