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Thread: I'm new to N.C.

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    Default What Do You Guys Think About This?

    Hi everyone I'm new to this page
    Well I guess we all here to listen different ideas, opnions or suggestions and I'm open to any kind of comment whether its good or bad ill take as positive as possible!!!!
    I been dating this guy for anly 3 months iknow it's not that much I really into him!!!
    I lived with him for only a month and then i left him bcz he used to be really mean to me and i couldnt stand that, it was really painful for him but the worst thing is that he is mean to me because he wants to "test me" how much i can hold on, to see how my reactions are and see how am I or what im capable to do for him and what i do is not to show in him what he wants to see from me and not beacuse hes really like that.
    He thinks that i dont care about him bt when ever we got mad im always the one that tries to fix things
    Like 3 days ago I was in his house we were watching a movie and I went to the restroom and my lil kid started crying because he wanted to go with me and he got mad and said that my kid was misbehaving since then we don't talk to me at all, I saw him yesterday and he ignore me I don't iknow if I should of try to fix things or wait for him to do something??

    Something I try not show him how much I care for him because I'm afraid of him to know where my weakness arrange he could go by that to hurt me more bt sometimes I guess not showing him is making him run away because he is those kinds of guys that really likes that their patner are sickly sweet,romantic, and I'm not like that I can be like that but by his actions I don't want to do that
    Sometimes he tries to make me jelous so Ill do a drama to him and for him that's showing him I care and I love him bt I don't do nothing and he thinks I Dnt feel anything for him

    Plus he wants me back home but Im telling him that this relationship I want it to be more special than the last one I had and thats why I Dnt tell my parents about him because I respect them and I Dnt wanna fail again.!! Bt I'm more sure that he's the one, he has wat I want and I have wat he's been looking for
    But I want my parents to approve this relationship and leave my house in a good condition!!
    What do you suggest me to do so my parents can like this relationship???


    Irene❤💋❤

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    Default

    Dear Irene,

    I am sorry to say people who play games like this IME have control issues. In my humble opinion you would be best served by not being with someone who treats you like this. I would think carefully about what example you are setting for your child. Children learn from their home life, when young.

    Are you showing your child that it's ok to be with someone who "tests" them for their own reasons and creates drama/jealousy? Do you think this is a healthy/unhealthy relationship? What were your previous relationships like? Is this a pattern you are repeating?

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Default

    Hello, Irene.

    To be completely honest, this sounds like an abusive relationship...and if it hasn't become completely emotionally and/or physically abusive yet, it will sooner or later develop into that. I agree with Annita that people who "test" their partners like this tend to have some control issues. And in my experience, people who have control issues often wind up being abusive to their partners.

    Real, honest love shouldn't be "me against you." It doesn't involve manipulation for the sole purpose of getting a reaction out of your partner. It doesn't involve playing games for the sake of soothing one's own insecurities and getting an ego/power boost. To me, a person who does these things does not love the other person - not really. They love the way they feel when they have the power and hold all the cards.

    If you're afraid to show the person you love and feel is "the one" your weakness, then, to me, that's a red flag. If you can't trust him with the most vulnerable parts of yourself, how can he possibly be the right guy for you?

    I would caution you about going back to him - people like this don't usually change for the better. They may swear they have, and you may even have a few great months where he acts loving and attentive, but that's just the thing - he's ACTING. Sooner or later, he's going to lapse right back into those old behaviors.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    Default I'm new to N.C.

    Hello...

    I met a man online this past June. We instantly hit it off, so much so that our first date was 7 hours long when it was supposed to be 2. We met up for three more dates after that, and stayed in constant contact in between. But about three weeks ago, he told me he was sorry, but he just didn't have the time or energy to devote to me like I deserved (his words) between work and his daughter. I was just wondering if anyone thinks N.C. will bring him back to being interested in me again? I understand the reason he gave me was most likely a lie, and he really just didn't want to hurt me with the real reason (whatever that might have been).

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    Default

    Hi Irene,

    NC is not a tool to be used to lure someone back to you by playing hard to get. NC is for you.

    If he says that he doesn't have the time to devote to you, then in my opinion, it's because he won't make time to devote to you, plain and simple. This sounds like an excuse and a way to let you down gently, honestly. You can't make someone come back if they don't want to - you have no control over another human being. You only have control over you.

    Take care.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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