Hi all, I'm new to this site but you all seem quite knowledgeable, so I thought I would offer my thoughts for you!
11 years and 3 kids, only 4 years into the marriage, but in January she said to me we died years ago and told me it was over, and my recent behaviour was the final straw. I had a midlife crisis and neglected both her and the kids for a while, but the separation brought me back better than ever and I am so happy for what she's done for me.
We are now extremely great friends, she's opened up to me more now than ever before and it's really positive, but the the one thing that is damaging is she says we are just friends and she doesn't see me like that anymore. I'm ticking all the boxes on how to be with her- listening, having fun, helping out etc, we don't fight anymore and the communication/friendship is the best it has ever been. We are doing quite a bit of stuff together with the kids too so it's almost all perfect.
She went with an old flame 9 days after the separation and after 4 weeks he decided to leave her to go back to his ex. She was very down for about a week then snapped out of it, which is why we are so good now. They have broken contact completely and she has come back to me as friends as I'm the only man in her life.
The problem is she doesn't see me like that any more and whenever I mention us getting affectionate she says no. She apologises for it and I say I don't mind, I can wait, but what can I do to make her fancy me again? We are 3 months in to the separation and we are slowly moving in the right direction. She wrote to a friend on facebook this week that said and it makes her cringe to think of going to bed with me and she said the sex would never be as good as with 'him'. (I had a PE issue for the last 4 years that I've only now started addressing, but the sex in the early days was great).
We don't live together, she doesn't drink any more so Relaxing her inhibitions is out, what else do I do apart from being the good supportive loving husband and friend that lives away from home? I do believe I am slowly winning her over but there has to be a level of attraction from her side to aid the mending process, and I am at a loss at what else I can do. I am attractive, fit and healthy, I'm in the best shape of my life, so it's not that. I stopped drinking and smoking, I manage my money and I give her and the children all that I can when im with them. If it is her recent memories of him and the old us, I am happy to bide my time I can handle it as she and the family are worth it.
What other tricks are there to getting her to fancy me again without going ott on romance and touching? It's the 'friend zone' I need to get out of! There doesn't seem to be any books on this subject on kindle or amazon, so I need help from you lot if possible please?
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