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Thread: Need some advise

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    Default Give me your point of view, please.

    Hey Guys. This is going to be a very long and complicated story. I just really need son insights.

    My boyfriend of six years just broke up with me less than three weeks ago. I've just come back from studying abroad for six months. We moved in together right away and had been living together for four weeks when he broke up. The last week he wasn't home at all and it really hurt me. When he got home, he would sit up three-four hours after I'd gone to bed. I decided to leave him a note where I mentioned how I felt and asked if there was something I could do different and so on. Being very open and concerned, not blaming him at all. On the day he broke up, he talked about how he think he might suffer from depression and what I thought. I said I'd be there for him and do everything I could to help. He told me he might go visit his mom the next week, so he could think. I accepted that. Two hours later, he points to my note and says we need to talk about it. He starts talking about a lot of stuff from the past year. Stuff he never mentioned to me, hurt him. He talks about it as if trying to come to a solution and then he suddenly says there's this girl and mutual interest and he just can't do this anymore. That everything's just too much. He's crying heavily, as am I. We hug multiple times and we split up. He's done this thing with everything being too much before.


    I visited him back them and we figured it out. He needed space and we needed to solve some issues. After we got back together he often said, it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he was happy we'd gotten back together. Two days after the breakup this time I texted him, saying I missed him. He said he missed me too. We texted back and forth all day. I mentioned how we'd solved it before and how I hoped we could do it again. He seemed open to talking about it and shared his concerns. Then he said he needed some time and I accepted that. I kept a very mild, caring and understanding tone throughout. Then I tried not contacting him. He wrote me two days later saying we needed to end the contract for the apartment. I told him I didn't know what I wanted yet. The next day I asked if we could meet up. He agreed but we didn't agree on a date, since I said I had to go, as to not seem desperate.


    The next morning he'd texted me if we could meet up the same afternoon. I didn't respond right away but ended up going. I acted very pleasant and as if I was doing alright. He acted as if we were still together. Complimenting me, eager to tell my everything he'd been doing, showing me stuff, asking for help to look for an apartment, saying stuff like I distracted him sitting in my skirt on the couch (he always used to say stuff like that) and he kept questioning me - what had I been doing, how was I, why couldn't I make it earlier today, why did I have to go now, did I have a date and so on. When we said goodbye we hugged and he kissed my neck. The same evening he texted me and asked if I was fine with everything because it seemed like it. I still didn't contact him and only answered when he contacted me. Two days later he said he'd found my bike, because it had been moved and he'd looked all over for it.


    He then asked if I wanted to stop by. I agreed, after some time, not seeming eager. This time I felt sad and had a hard time putting up a happy face. He kept looking at me, looking in my eyes when we talked, he pulled off his shirt and asked if I could see he's been working out, he asked for massage and handmassage (something I used to do for him) I agreed. He offered me, but I declined. He still complimented me like last time and teased me, by not moving if I needed to pass him. On the other hand he mentioned the apartment. Asked if I'd figured out what I wanted and which furniture I wanted. He also told me he found it strange not seeing me every day and that he thought a lot about me and how I was doing. When I left he kissed my forehead. Oh, and he asked why I didn't wear his ring. (I've worn it every single day since he gave it to my at our 1 year anniversary) the next day he went to the movies with his female colleague to watch a movie he'd forbidden me to watch, so we could watch it together. BTW he's moved back to our place and I'm still at my mom's. A couple of days in a row I asked if I could borrow the couch. I never did though, as he apparently sleeps everywhere else than our place. And I was trying to get some alone time with him.


    One day I went to the apartment wanting to sleep on the couch. He said he was going to his cousin's place. Well, one of the issues is that I never feel like having sex. Never. We haven't had sex for over a year.. so I suggested we shower together, since we both had to shower and that's something he'd always suggest. He said he'd leave the door unlocked, so I undressed and joined him to show him that my wanting to have sex has reappeared since I came home from studying abroad. Afterwards we gave each other naked bodymassage and cuddled. He didn't kiss me at all, so I couldn't have sex with him. I was scared it'd just be sex. Suddenly he had to go because he was offered a ride. He texted me later and apologized. I tried being very understanding and accepting. Two days later I asked if we could meet up. He said he had plans. The next day he asked me about the apartment and I decided to be honest and tell him I still thought we could make it work. We talked about it for a while and he seemed positive. Suddenly his whole attitude changed and he started blaming me, saying it would be catastrophic and horrendous to give it another try if it didn't work out. I felt so hurt I just said okay and told him if was right and I give up. Then he continued about the apartment. I wanted to keep it, but he wanted another place he'd been offered. For him to get it, we had to leave our apartment. He kept acting as if it was my problem and is if I was being a bitch.


    I still tried to keep a nice tone and being understanding. Well, suddenly he sends me this long text about how I'd basically be the reason he'd have to drop his studies and start working for the rest of his life, if I did not quit the apartment. I was heartbroken and just said I was sorry he was in that position, that I hoped he'd find a solution, but that it was his decision to leave me. He then called me and wanted to talk about it. I told him I was busy, felt like he didn't mind my feelings at all and that he was being harsh. He wanted to know what I was doing. I just told him I was busy, again, and hung up. Hours later he texted me "what is it you expect from me?" I answered this morning, four days later, telling him I was sorry about how I reacted on the phone and sorry I hadn't responded earlier, but that I tried not thinking about all this even though it's hard and he means a lot to me. Oh, and when he called me and blamed me and so on, I ended up terminating the contract for our apartment as he wanted. He pushed me there and I regret. He hasn't mentioned anything about it, not even a thank you. Just after the phone call, I took off for another country. I'm staying here for two weeks and am planning on not checking my phone before I return home.


    I've asked my mom to pick up my clothes, toiletstuff and plants at the apartment. She did so yesterday. Even though he said he'd pack up his stuff immediately, he hasn't packed a single thing and he's still staying at out apartment. I am hurting so bad and feeling so confused as to what's happened. Why he's acting the way he is. Sending me mixed signals. I don't know if its the depression or what's going on. I just know I believe in us. I believe we can have the perfect relationship.


    What to you think about it all?
    Last edited by SuperDave71; 06-01-2014 at 11:15 AM. Reason: Readability

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    I really need your help..

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    Default Need some advise

    Really need some advise please.
    Me and my fiancÚ are getting married in early July we have been dating for about four years now. The past few years has been great I wasn't really the affectionate type but changed with time, she was always very affectionate.
    She went away on holiday last month mainly for wedding shopping went for a good three weeks I couldn't go with her as I couldn't get that much time of work.
    Since she's come back she's totally changed a lot more confident but very cold especially towards me, she used to be so warm and kind.
    I asked her what's wrong I asked her if she still loves me she said she doesn't know anymore I asked her if she still wants to get married she wants to give it a try.
    I'm totally lost on what to do all are wedding invites have gone out everything's booked and paid for with both of are life saving.



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    Hay.
    Two questions
    1.who earns more money and is the difference significant.
    2. Have you asked her has she cheated on you when away?


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    Hey Kmorg89.

    1. I earn a bigger wage definitely a big difference but it's never really bothered me or her, she's just given in are notice at work because she wants to find work closer to my place.

    2. I did ask her she said she hasn't cheated on me.




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    KaitlinRosalie,

    What a pretty name! In my humble opinion you don't need all this drama. Realistically either someone does want to be in the relationship & will work on it or doesn't and wants out. He's made his choice. It is possible he wanted you out so he could keep the place, but honestly, does it matter? You need to move on with your life. His behaviour is not respectful or trustworthy and it's all over the place. He clearly has issues, don't make them yours. Move forward, breathe, let go. In my experience people in this situation are assisted by looking to the future and focusing on goals for themselves.

    We are here if you want to talk.

    All the best,

    Annita

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    Dear Lost1988,

    I would say she needs to communicate more clearly what she wants, it's not fair for her to go through with the wedding if she is not sure. However it could just be cold feet. A conversation is in serious order here. If you don't feel you can properly talk to each other a middle person like a counsellor might help.

    All the best,

    Annita

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