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I'm sorry y'all it's just been one of them days, my whole watch she's been on my mind, sometimes it drives me crazy knowing that she's prolly in bed sleeping next to her new guy, I know we had a lot of cross words here of late well actually over the past 4 months before we actually broke up, I know I said a lot of things I shouldn't have said, but I also told her numerous times I wanted to work things out or at least I think I did, I tried to show her that I cared about her, us, and our little dysfunctional family we had going on as best I knew how. I know I'm not home much to comfort her when she needed comforting bc I work offshore 28 days at a time, and when I was home I may not have been there when she woke up but for the most part I was close, I can't lay up in the bed untill 10-12 in the morning like she can, by 5:30 my eyes just pop open, like it or not and I gotta get up and get goin. Maybe I missed the signs she was giving like telling me her friend was lonley bc her husband works out of town even though she's treated like a queen, I get that I really do, but that loneliness goes both ways, I was too, it was and is lonley out here stuck on a flipping boat 28 days at a time even though your surround w/ ppl it's still downright lonely the highlight of my day was in the mornings when I would talk to her, even if we did have an argument it was still the high point in my day, and the month that was the worst, was Febuary when I was home I ended up sleeping on the couch bc it didn't seem like she wanted me in the bed w/ her, god I missed laying next to her when she was only 30-40 feet away. I know the intimacy hadn't been there in a while, we went from August to March w/o any kind of intimacy but I really didn't mind too much. And yes for any of y'all that had read earlier posts about us, some of y'all questioned wether or not I really wanted to be w/ her, the answer was always yes I did, she may have aggravated the crap out of me but she was still my best friend. Starla, Ryan, and my son Thomas was still my little family it was as simple as that. We had been through so much together over the past 3 years, 3 miscarriages, one was twins we were 5 months along when she miscarried the other she was 3 months along. Surgeries, a move from Cumings Ga to our home town of Amdalusia, Al. U name it we went through it. I know it's been 6 weeks come Sunday that I found out about the pretty boy she's been seeing and I should be farther along and I shouldn't care b/c I'm seeing someone else now, and the new gf is much more indepent, reliable, redneck, and mature than Starla has ever been or will ever be and I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have her, bc even when I was still w/ Starla, JB made me feel like she was glad to see me when I got home from work, while Starla just started complaining when I walked in the door. And don't take that wrong even though JB made me feel like someone was glad to see me when I got home I never once considered cheating on Starla w/ JB. Cheating isn't in my vocabulary. That's just something other ppl do. Anyway sry about all this, it's just been one of them days and u gotta pour it all out and let the chips lay as they fall
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