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Thread: How I avoid being bitter...

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    Default How I avoid being bitter...

    I've not been treated particularly well by men in the past. Sometimes they've been downright inconsiderate, untrustworthy, and self-centered, and after about the third guy to show me that about himself, I started to feel myself turning into one of those bitter women who won't trust men simply on principle. This is a very unattractive trait, and you're not likely to get the love you want when you take on this attitude.

    Whenever I feel myself edging toward that attitude, I stop for a minute and look at my big brother, with whom I'm very close. He's got more integrity, courage, grace under fire, and strength than anyone I have ever known, and he's looked out for me his entire life. Up to and including threatening any of his single friends not to touch, talk to, or even look at me upon penalty of something really bad happening. And for the longest time, I wondered why his friends all seemed afraid of me...

    Anyway, my point is that in looking at guys like him, I'm forced to realize that not all men are like the ones I've gotten involved with in the past. And also, if one is REALLY awful to me, I can rest assured that he will have the snot beaten out of him by the gigantic brick wall that is my brother. That always brings me comfort when I start to lose a bit of faith in people.

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    lol big brothers are a great tool...

    I can say I too seem to put up this trust wall as well. I need to go forward knowing that just because one of my ex's broke my heart does not mean a new girl will do the same. I think it would be best to look at every guy you consider dating as a blank page, let him fill in the blanks.
    "let go of the one you HAD so you can dream of the one you'll GET"

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    You know, Josh, I try to do that, but sometimes I can't help but be inherently suspicious of motives. According to New Age folk, it's because I'm a Capricorn.

    I think it's good to have a healthy skepticism, to be honest. I do not trust people very easily, especially with all the romantic, intimate, lovey-dovey stuff. I need someone to prove to me that he's not screwing around, and it doesn't happen overnight. I'm extremely cautious and gradually let my guard down. But at least I know that not ALL men are untrustworthy. They just need to have the patience and time to prove to me that they are before I totally jump in.

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    Kelley- I think that is the best approach. I hear people say a relationship is based on trust and I agree I just think you should earn that trust not inherit it. When you meet somone new why should you trust them? I know, I know why shouldn't you trust them they have given you no reason to not trust them. Well they have not given me a reason to trust them either ya know?

    Sorry if I lost you lol I like to ramble
    "let go of the one you HAD so you can dream of the one you'll GET"

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    Ha! I absolutely agree. I think it's naive to go straight in trusting anyone who gives you attention. We all still do it, but that's life. I have to work on being cautious but not coming across as totally unapproachable, because I have a tendency to do that. I'm a very self-contained and reserved person. But I feel like a fine wine - I get better with age!

    I'm partly saying that to make my inauspicious birthday tomorrow somewhat more auspicious. There's got to be SOMETHING cool about being 26. Like an over-25 discount somewhere or something.

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    Well seeing as I turned 26 a few months back I will say that there is nothing besides days in which we eat cake. I dont even call them birthdays anymore I call them "cake days".

    So happy early Cake Day to you
    "let go of the one you HAD so you can dream of the one you'll GET"

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    i also have had some strange relationships with men, starting with my dad and my step dad. i love them, but they haven't always done the things i think dads should do. my biological father was sort of absent for a large part of my life and my step dad is just incredibly detached from emotion. he doesn't understand crying over someone and he tends to be really negative, which is the total opposite of me.

    my brother and my uncle have been my rocks. the only bad thing about them is that i expect all men to be like them. they are what i hope to find some day. my ex was actually quite a lot like both of them--plus he's good friends with my brother and works for my uncle. haha. but, i do find some comfort in knowing that there's no way that my brother and my uncle are the only two great men out there. at least i hope not!

    26 is like you're a real adult. hahahahah. not like us fake adults.
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

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    A very simple answer .. that requires a LOT of personal Strength ..

    You can avoid BITTERNESS .. Fearfulness .. buy taking CHARGE of your LIFE .. being RESPONSIBLE .. and be willing to take the Benefits/Consequences of your choices in your life ..

    THAT is the truth of this situation. If you are NOT mature enough to be willing to stake your reputation ... if you don't have values/morals .. if you don't want the Responsibility -- then you really can't complain about what happens when you make the poor choices at all!

    (Many years of being a RESPONSIBLE Adult who has taken charge of her life and that means I took RESPONSIBILITY for my choices too. Bneefits/Consequences come from all our choices, our actions .. we just have to take them as they come and continue to move forwards no matter what!)

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