Angry rambling letter to the ex

[OhManINeedCoffee]

I would agree, Leinad. You can't stay with someone only because you don't want to hurt them. If you're not happy in a relationship, you can't make them happy, either. Sometimes they do realize what they do to some people, and sometimes they don't. But the other person is not who usually who they're thinking of, to be honest - they're trying to do what they feel is best for THEM.

It does feel like the person who left you is stupid for leaving you, and maybe they are. But I think Leinad's right - those of us who get left tend to victimize ourselves, even though it's rarely ever just ONE person's fault that the relationship ended. Since there are two people involved, they both contribute to the end of it. If you're still allowing yourself to feel angry and indignant after many months or even years, you can't blame the person who is no longer there anymore. They're gone and not coming back. It sucks, but if you continue to let the negative feelings take over when you think about it, then you're really not going to be good for a relationship with anyone else.

That being said, I still like Niki's letter - it was written during that angry stage and what it shows is a strong person who's not afraid to articulate herself and who is capapble of surviving adversity. Go, Niki!

[xxSPHYNXxx]

Stephen although you are very hurt/upset right now, you also are very emotional. I too have to disagree with your statement

I just think all dumpers are stupid and dont relise what they do to some people and what a big misstake it can be

I myslef have been on "both" ends, the dumper AND the dumpee... I ended a 17 year marriage and you think I didn't "realize" what I was doing" Break-ups occur for different reasons...and I agree with Daniel...it was very hurtful/painful for me to leave the marriage. There are/were many reasons for the decision as well.

Daniel is again right in saying if you allow negative thoughts/energy to envelope you, you will be a very angry/bitter person. We cannot put entire blame on the partner when a relationship ends.. it took two to be in the relationship, we must learn to accept our faults/mistakes learn from them and hopefully not repeat them.

xxSPHYNXxx

[stephen576]

Hi Leinad88 Just read your opinion of what i said and you know what your right the time you come out of the relationship when you been dumped you grieve in stages and dont see the dumper side at all as time goes on and you start to heal and you come out of the haze or bubble you was in with your ex and you see the bigger picture.

By the way pleased to meet you Leinad88

---------- Post added at 10:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:57 PM ----------

You 2 your right xxSPHYNXxx

[myfavoriteword]

you're right, stephen. the distance you have from the relationship, the more clearly you see it. and little by little it becomes easier to accept the breakup and understand that you shouldn't be together. and the one thing we always talk about on this forum is that we shouldn't focus on the dumper. whether or not they are right or wrong, doesn't matter. we just waste time thinking about it because we cannot change it. so we should just focus on making ourselves feel better and the more time you have, the easier it will be for you to feel okay on your own.