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Thread: Uncomfortable situation.

  1. #16
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    Thanks, Jen! I'm leaving him alone for now. NC should be extended to work in friendships as well!

    Besides, I'm angry with him for being such a poop. I've never been interested in him because somewhere in my gut I KNEW that if I were, I'd end up horribly murdering him and hacking up his body...out of pure exasperation.

  2. #17
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    Well, my friend sent me a message a little over a week ago apologizing for being a jerk, and he hated that things weren't so great with us right now, and that he'd like to continue being my friend even if we "never see each other again." I wasn't going to respond, because I had no idea what the right thing to say was at that point (and I had to get to work), but then he followed up with the "You don't have to respond if you don't want to, BUT..." So, I responded, and said that I appreciate it. He said I was welcome to say hi anytime, and I said thank you. He told me to take care; I told him to have a good day.

    I still haven't talked with him since, although I feel like I should, as he's been leaving up status messages on IM apologizing and asking me to please talk to him again soon. I'm SO glad all of his friends can see that. Really. It's magical.

    But the main reasons I haven't talked to him are a) I have absolutely no idea what to say, b) I don't think I have the energy to deal with his daily inner melodramas, c) I have friggin' midterms this week, and d) I'm very cautious about talking to people who have made me cry. But I appreciate the effort he's put in, even if he's being more public about things than I would like (but that's just his way). But what the hell do I even say at this point? I got nothin'.

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    Focus on your needs and what you need to do to get thru your mid terms...you certainly don't need anyone's inner melodramas right now.. and as Dave would say... "if you say nothing, you can't say anything wrong"!

    You said your hello, you wished him a good day....your good to go! Focus on the mid terms, don't let anything detract you from your school work...remember YOU come first.

    HUGS

    xxSPHYNXxx

    xxSPHYNXxx



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    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

  4. #19
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    Thanks, Sphynx. I needed to hear that!

    You're right. I'm just going to focus on getting through this week (and hopefully I'm not getting sick, but my throat sure hurts...), and getting through midterms. I know he's worried about the whole situation, and when he's worried he tends to be constantly in panic mode. All the inner turmoil and melodrama and thinking life as we know it is over. He's a theater major - what do you expect?

    So, I'm focusing on ME, my midterms, and on NOT getting sick. Maybe when the week is over I'll figure out something to say to him, but for now I just can't handle any more stress than school/work/health is giving me right now!

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    Default For Kelley

    My dear Kelley,

    Firstly HE is the only one responsible for his feelings, his behaviour etc.

    Secondly IMHO he is stuck in a particular pattern of behaving and it's up to him to break this habit.

    Thirdly, I noticed you questioned your ability to be in a relationship and why the men you are friends with are good guys and the guys you date "treat you like poo".

    Why do you think this is?

    Is this a habit?


    I look forward to hearing your musings...
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

  6. #21
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    Tigger - I'm not exactly sure why I seem to end up with guys who treat me like poo.

    Then never start off that way. In fact, they're sweet and attentive. After awhile, things just change, and I feel like I was "tricked."

    I have noticed a strange pattern in my dating life, though. I've never dated a man with a steady job, or who finished college, or who really has his life together with some direction and focus. I don't really want to count my high school/college boyfriend in that, although it took him a VERY long time to finally finish college because his grades were an issue. But also, in the six years he and I were together, he never once treated me as anything other than someone really special to him.

    But with the others, I always seem to find them when they're at rough patches in their lives, or times of transition that they're not handling very well. They're decent guys, but they're so focused on the problems in their lives (and less on the solutions) that it doesn't ever leave much room for me. I don't think I purposefully seek out guys like this because I secretly want to be with the wrong guy - I don't. And I'm not sure why they always pursue me, unless it's because I usually end up being the only one who can empathize with them.

    As for the guys I become friends with, I become friends with them because I genuinely like them, but as far as feeling any sort of other or "deeper" connection with them...there is none. A lot of the guys I've had platonic friendships with (and who at some point seemed to like me a lot more than I wanted to) are great guys, but somehow I always instinctively knew that they'd be clingy in relationships. As someone who needs her space and her "Kelley Time" in order to recharge, I can't handle clingy.

    Any other insights you guys may have on why I seem to be attracted to guys who don't have it together, I'm all ears! I'd really like to know, because it's been bugging me that this always seems to happen. I don't seek to be the saviour in relationships, nor do I operate under the assumption that I can "fix" people. Maybe it's a coincidence, and it's all part of my "journey" to find someone right for me. Who knows.

    I actually asked my high school/college boyfriend about it a few months ago (we're still good friends). His answer was interesting, I thought: "You go out with normal, average people, and that will never work for you. You're not a normal, average person." He meant it as a compliment.

    In other news, despite all my efforts, I got sick. My throat hurts and I think someone stuffed my entire head with cotton. Yeesh!

  7. #22
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    I figured I'd update on this whole uncomfortable situation. I took pity and started talking to my friend again. He's glad that we're talking again...I find myself feeling rather neutral about it, but I suppose it's just my natural wariness. We don't talk as often, and I'm no longer going to talk to him about any of my relationship issues.

    He's created more drama for himself again (for once, not because of a chick), but basically what that means is he IMs me mainly to talk about himself. I don't have to say much other than, "That's too bad." "Yeah, I can understand that."

    It feels strange that I've suddenly cooled off so much toward him - at one time I really did value his friendship. Is this normal?

  8. #23
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    Kelley...NOTHING about you is normal! BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! :1-he_he:


    -SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

  9. #24
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    LOL!

    Come on, Dave. I put my pants on 4 legs at a time just like everybody else...

    :-D

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    Nah I think it is normal. I have been good friends with people in the past that have ended up not being good for my life. At that point you have to let them go. Sadly the older I get the easier I find it to let people out of my life that only take away from it instead of adding to it. I think it just comes with life!

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    I agree, it is a normal progression....

    Majik stated it perfeclty...."to let people out of my life that only take away from it instead of adding to it"

    Your parameters have changed...with that, so has the friendship!



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

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