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Thread: The No Contact Challenge -SuperDave71

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    Come on Susie... I want you to understand how this works.


    Think of it this way. When you already have what you need, it is EASY to take advantage of it since it is always there. Once that thing you once cherished but took for granted is gone...you panic. He is doing the same thing. He will eventually tell you he will change or that he will "do better" to prove to you that he means well but after a few weeks, he will go right back to doing what he has done before which is take advantage of you.

    We are telling you this not because we are assuming we "know him"...we are telling you this because we have seen this over and over and over again on this site. Listen to what the members say. They have been in your shoes. (including myself) We offer free advice (take it or leave it) because we do care about you. Sometimes the advice is hard to stomach but we mean well in our intensions.

    You may have 20 phone calls a day when all is said and done but he could NOT make the time to come see you? He proposed via text message? He put you off over and over again? Ask yourself this: How does ANY of that show you he loves you? If you DID love him as much as you claim you do....you wouldn't be here asking questions you already know the answers to.

    We are here if you need us. Stay strong!


    Take care,

    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    Default The No Contact Challenge -SuperDave71

    Hi guys thanks for replying. I wanted to update. He called yesterday and i answered. Stupid i know. Anyway he said he wanted to talk and said he wanted to see me. I told him i am going to college and he said he would meet me after. When i finished college at 9 pm, he text asking when i want to meet. I said i was already at home. He said he was going to come over. Anyway he came after 20 minutes. He talked to me in his car, saying how much he loves me and wants to make it work, how he knows he was an a...hole, blah blah blah. I told him how am i supposed to believe him when he never does anything he says he will do. Anyway he was promising all sorts. I said i am not sure about this. He went home after 1,5 hours. Now i know i shouldnt be doing this but i need to know what to think. I checked his facebook. I found messages to women again asking them out, this one girl from the gym where he goes, he sent her a message on the same day he came to talk to me asking her out for a drink. I just feel like sending him a picture of it and telling him thats it. I thought maybe he was gonna make an effort and i found this. I know he doesnt know so he thinks i will never know but i am sick of him messaging loads of women. Anyway kinda good to know this really. Glad i found out now rather than thinking it could work and finding this later.

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    Hopefully you will understand the quote that says "Midnight promises gone by dawn".

    Now you are beginning to see him for what HE IS not for what you WANT him to be.


    Keep your chin up.


    -SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    Not sure if this post/thread is still alive, im on NC with my ex girlfriend for about 10 days now. She texted me today asking how i was doing but I resisted responding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by timm12 View Post
    Not sure if this post/thread is still alive, im on NC with my ex girlfriend for about 10 days now. She texted me today asking how i was doing but I resisted responding.
    And for this you deserve respect!

    Erl

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    Erlaad is right.

    It's hard to resist the ex texting/social media messaging/calling you. The only time you should respond, is when you feel totally un-fussed, feeling like you wish them well and don't mind if they suddenly stop responding/calling, as you'll just carry on as before. Nothing goes on hold for them, you feel friendly interest and concern as you would any person you know, however you also don't need to push them for details or care if they are with someone.

    Even years later, old feelings can still be there, embers burning in the dark.

    "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman

    Of course my argument to Neil would be Leo Tolstoy "“Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone. Love is God, and to die means that I, a particle of love, shall return to the general and eternal source.” and “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Thank you for the kind words i appreciate them, im just having a real hard time letting go, she moved on to someone else in less than a month of us being broken up and tells me she loves him after being together for a week. It was really just so random its weird shes never been the type of person to do something like that, I guess something just ticked in her head and she decided it was best for her to move on. I guess i'm better off without someone like that. Ill be continuing no contact, but she has asked for me to give her her things back, ill hopefully be able to do that without seeing her. I just need to stop thinking about all of this. I lost track of the NC days and i texted her back about getting her things so ill just start new today on day 1.

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    timm12,

    I have to say, I think you are lucky. I feel you escaped from someone who is unworthy of your life & love. I feel you deserve better and I would ask if you know that yourself or if you doubt it? IME frequently people who choose (unconsciously) partners who treat them poorly, have low self esteem, insecurities, doubts. IMHO when you look inside and know and love yourself and believe you are worthy of a partner who will treat you with respect, trust, caring, understanding and communication; then you will find the external love you seek.

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Ah, I'll have to side with Tolstoy. People only say love is awful when it ends...like they're surprised that it can hurt so much. That's what you sign up for! That's why loving people takes more courage than avoiding it at all costs. No offense to Neil Gaiman, but his approach is a self-centered, angsty one to me.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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