Lost a "friend" right now and I'm angry...

[thatdoggirl]

I guess I'm glad to say that I think the only grieving stages I'm going to go through about this guy who chooses to not be my friend will be ANGER for now and then soon acceptance! I just feel I have to get this out somewhere because I'm upset about it.This guy friend of mine has crossed the line in two separate ways.

I met him in a class last spring. He was pretty cool and nice and everything. We sat next to each other and he was in my class project so we all met up a couple times for that.

After the quarter ended I decided to hang out with him one day in the summer. He didn't have a car so I picked him up and we went to the mall and I took him back to his place. He had a movie so I decided to stay to watch that. I was living with my boyfriend at the time and I didn't mean to give any wrong impressions and he knew I had a boyfriend and all of that. At the time he knew that my boyfriend and I were having issues because it was back shortly before the first break up. He sat on the couch and I sat in a chair for perfectly good reasons.

He started saying some things and hinting towards liking me and getting the impression I was there for other reasons but I said that I wasn't. He suggested a couple things and he asked if I was completely 100% faithful to my boyfriend and I said of course yes I am. The movie continued but it was a weird and boring movie that seemed to drag on. He also said that he wouldn't smoke pot around me but lied because he got up to go to his room and smoked some back there while I was in the living room. He came back out and sat on the couch again and after that he just seemed in a daze and kind of pissed off and was falling asleep. I told him I better get going so cya.

I didn't talk to him after that because of how rude it was and he had crossed the line by just simply thinking and suggesting things to me. I was mad and didn't want to be his friend. Then about a week or so later he began apologizing to me and such. I was cautious and didn't talk to him to much for a while. But over a short time I forgave him and we became friends again but I knew in the back of my head that it wouldn't be a smart idea to hang out with this guy because of what happened and because of his drug issues. But he was fun to talk to on facebook and yahoo messanger because he's always rambling about interesting stuff. We've had a lot of great discussions about life and religion and such. It's why I enjoyed when he talked to me on there. Months and month go by just talking to him every once in a while.

Then recently in this past month he's said that I don't have to be scared to hang out with him again just because of that one time. He even suggested seeing a movie sometime and I was kind of maybe-ish on it. A lot of time had passed and so I was thinking well.. maybe. We didn't end up hanging out though.

The other day he was talking about how there is some prescription that he is running out of and that if he quits cold turkey it could be fatal. Of course it wouldn't be fatal but he just doesn't want to go through the withdrawals. He told me he was going to just basically start rationing it til he can get 30 bucks from someone to pick up a new prescription. I suggested just quitting cold turkey since he has been wanting to get a job and he needs one. But of course he's addicted to who knows what all. And lately he had been acting a little loonier then usual I guess.

So today he asked if I could give him I ride to walmart and I asked what for? He said to pick up his prescription. I said that I couldn't sorry. He knows that I was sitting around doing nothing so he took offense to the fact that I wouldn't give him a ride because he thought I was just being lazy and didn't give him a reason. So he thinks I'm flaky and self absorbed. He took me off his friends list and blocked me so I couldn't give him an explanation to my reasoning that I gladly help out my friends and give rides when needed but that my reason is because I'm not going to give him a ride to pick up a drug that he may or may not be abusing and also that I wasn't sure if I could trust him with what happened the last time. I have no way to get ahold of him other then his mom's cell phone but that would be pointless.

It's not worth it! He's not worth my time. I'm just angry over it but there is nothing I can do. Guess really he wasn't a friend if he is just using me to try to convince me to help him get his drug. I don't need to be a part of that.

I am not self absorbed or lazy or flaky. I help my friends out when they need it and have given people rides when they really NEEDED it for something important and healthy. I do not keep people in my lives purely for my own entertainment.. that is ridiculous! I'm a good person and my friend Dan says I have a heart of gold and I believe he is write. Hehe.. it makes me smile when I think of him saying that to me. I love my friends!

[OhManINeedCoffee]

Jess - What a weirdo!

First of all, You are one of the least flaky, self-absorbed, or lazy people I know! If he wants to blame you for his problems, he's not going to get very far.

Second of all, I don't know what his prescription is, but unless it's some kind of barbituate he's developed a dependence on, quitting cold turkey is NOT fatal. Withdrawal symptoms suck (I take a prescription medication every day, and I get unpleasant symptoms if I skip a couple of days - but it's more to do with feeling crappy than about to die). Unless he has epilepsy or something, I don't know.

You're right - it's totally NOT worth it, and I can't believe he would treat you like that. He sounds like the kind of guy who was hanging around in case you became "useful" for him. Since you didn't offer sex or enable him to get drugs, then what's the point of having you as a friend?

Furthermore, this whole thing with him blocking you and not wanting to talk to you - this is a mind game. I've seen it a million times, and I guarantee you that he WILL try to talk to you again. Right now, he's "punishing" you for not eing agt his beck and call. He's hoping you'll learn your lesson, and feel lost without him as your friend.

My freshman year roommate in college was the same way - I know it when I see it. She'd "punish" me by giving me the silent treatment for not paying enough attention to her, not smoking pot like she did, and not having sex with anyone other than my boyfriend. Little did she know that it was a great form of punishment for me - she never stopped talking about herself and it was such a relief when she put on the silent treatment. I could finally hear myself THINK. She'd panic and try to get all "nice-nice" with me when I started hanging out with the person who soon became (and still is - her name is also Jess, incidentally) my best friend.

The best way to deal with this crap he's giving you is NOT to play back. And I think you're doing a good job so far of not playing back as it is. It doesn't sound like you really need him in your life, anyway. From what you've said in this post, he doesn't bring that much to the table except amusing ramblings from time to time.

I'm angry on your behalf, too! There are very few things in this world that legitmately ANGER me to the point where I'm all ready to fit the redhead stereotype. Immaturity and rudeness are the main ones, because there's no excuse for either of them. Period. Your "friend" has double-whammied and embodied both of those today. Want me to beat him up as soon as I'm done ripping the arms off of Niki's ex?

[thatdoggirl]

Haha.. OMG! Thank you so much for this post! You really made my day. You're right, with these people it is just a game. If he comes crawling back to me later I'll remind myself that. NO CONTACT for this dude.

And you're right that I don't need him in my life at all. He's not that much of a loss for me when I really think about it. He pisses me off but really he didn't offer much to the friendship other then being a fun person to have interesting discussions with from time to time and most of the time that talking was initiated by him. I have a ton of friends more important to me then this guy.

[rhythm]

ManINeedCoffee said it all. No reason to hit all the same points. But sounds to me that having someone like this in your life adds no productive benefit. I am glad you didn't get to be closer friends and there be an emotional connection you have to deal with. Definitely nip this in the bud. You are not on earth to be used for someone else's gain.

[SuperDave71]

Tell the guy to get a job, buy a car and pay for his own meds.

I mean...isn't that what REAL men do anyway?

What you are worried about is how you look..not what transpired. Chalk this up as experience. Sounds like he is being way selfish and childish at the same time.

What have you really lost? In my eyes, a boy who needs to be validated by a pretty woman with a car. Leave this guy alone. If he is going to be THIS childish, he needs to do it alone.


Take care,



SuperDave71

[myfavoriteword]

HAHAHAH kelley. listen, he is having a birthday party on friday night. i will give you the address and a baseball bat and i'm leaving it up to you to crash it and really make it a...party. =)

anyway, jess, kelley said everything. from what you said it seems like this kid wasn't really a close friend of yours, just someone you enjoyed talking to every once in a while. but his behavior is so immature that you really shouldn't humor it by giving it a second thought. the funny thing is that after knowing that you have a problem with his drug use, he thinks you'd be fine enabling him by taking him to get them?? idiot.

when he unblocks you (i can't believe that's what it's come down to. doesn't it remind you of 7th grade?) i still think you shouldn't talk to him. he called you selfish and self-absorbed. that's ridiculous because he is the one who's selfish because he stopped talking to you because you won't let him use you. i'm pretty sure you were just venting and that you really already know how to handle the situation with this d-bag.

[xxSPHYNXxx]

Jess~

First thing I did was roll my eyes.....GEEZE, he actually did you a huge favor, what would of happened if you gave him a ride <wherever> and he decides to take some "feel good" happy pill and who knows what happens after?

I agree with what has been said, what kind of "friend" does this? EXACTLY, NONE!
Classic example of fried brain cells....DOH

Lose his facebook, myspace, phone/text number and any other kind of communication that enables him to be able to contact you...your a fabulous person, don't waste another minute being angry, its that many more minutes you lose of being your happy self!

Hugs,

xxSPHYNXxx