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Thread: stuff that freaks me out.

  1. #1
    suzie q
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    Default stuff that freaks me out.

    i started thinking about my relationship with my bf a few minutes ago and decided to just vent about the stuff that is freaking me out now...

    our relationship has not been exactly stable and now a baby is involved. though we've both becoming pretty excited about it, what if it doesn't work out? i mean, i know he'll be responsible and do the right thing, but i'm not only scared of what that will do to the child emotionally, but (selfishly) what that will do to me.

    and i'm starting to think of all the things that could come between us again.

    and the insecurities begin...
    we've had the conversation about his ex and how i am not comfortable with them hanging out because i think it's ridiculous that a married woman would invite a man over to her house for dinner and a movie while her husband is in iraq. apparently they had dinner at her place while we were broken up and hung out a few times. he tells me that the only reason he didn't talk to her while we were together is because it bothered me, but continues to tell me they are only friends and he doesn't feel anything romantic toward her. i'm taking his word for it that nothing happened between them physically because i can only trust what he's saying unless i know better.

    i'm having an extreme moment of insecurity, which i've recognized is internal and will never be 'fixed' by anyone but myself. he's having dinner with his mom tonight and his grandma thursday for his birthday (to which i wasn't invited) but the little thought slipped to me that he could be having dinner with anyone - even his ex - and i wouldn't really know.

    i'd like to get rid of these negative thoughts because he respects and understands why i would never want him to go over there; we have spoken about that. i also know that it's to easy for me to find out he's lying and he would know that becasue i talk to both his sisters frequently, but i can't get rid of these insecurities.

    all of this on top of his mom not really accepting that i'm pregnant and not really wanting anything to do with me. his family has come between us on numerous occassions. it has seemed as though he's standing up for me and our relationship, but what if he gets overwhelmed by his family?

    what if i become less attractive in his eyes during the pregnancy? what if moving back in with him makes him freak out again?

    i'm practicing thought stoppage and reminding myself to stay positive. he has never lied to me, afterall. he's hurt me, but he's been honest the whole time.

    do i express these insecurities? i don't want him to feel as though i'm accusing him of anything, but i my emotions are all over the place.

    i realize this whole thread was a bit of a rant...

  2. #2
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    Hiya, Suzie!

    It's okay to be freaking out right now - you're going through a HUGE life change, so, naturally the insecurities are going to come back in. But here's my 2 cents worth:

    As far as the stuff with his ex goes, from what I've read in this post, he has given you no reason not to trust him. If he has never lied to you in the past, why would he start now? I think you can take his word for it that he's not seeing his ex at all.

    As far as being overwhelmed by his family, that is a valid concern, though I don't think that it'll happen. And dealing with those family members who aren't quite on board with what you guys are doing yet may be the reason why you weren't invited to his birthday stuff - If they're not going to embrace this the way you guys and your families have, then perhaps he doesn't want to subject you to that.

    The truth is, his family is going to have to accept this eventually - this is happening whether THEY like it or not, and if you guys are happy and excited, then they should do what a family is SUPPOSED to do and be happy and excited FOR you guys.

    As far as finding you less attractive - BAH HUMBUG! If he loves you, and loves the fact that you're having a baby, there's really no way he'll find you unattractive as a result. Especially since, from what I can tell, you look like you're going to be one of those adorable pregnant women you see. My cousin is one of those - I know what i'm talking about. Plus, there's that whole boobs getting bigger thing you'd mentioned in another post....

    I hope some of that helps you a little bit. You're going to be an awesome mom!

  3. #3
    MaJiK
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    Quote Originally Posted by suzie q View Post

    what if i become less attractive in his eyes during the pregnancy?
    I will let Rhythm handle this one - ooooh he loves a pregnant lady! =)

    As for these insecurities they are not going to go away anytime soon and with your emotions on a roller coaster they might get worse. You might want to talk to him about some of them just let him know your emotions are crazy with the pregnancy and that you really want to get some things off of your chest - especially about you moving back in together.

    His family will more then likely in time get used to the idea, know they can't change things and then at that point will let themselves get excited - after all they are getting a grandbaby! (Is that the only reason to have kids? kidding! =)

    Mostly accept the things you cannot change and try not to stress out about everything. =) Easier said then done I know!

  4. #4
    rhythm
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    I agree with everything that has been said here.

    As far as finding you less attractive. I will definitely field that. Men, real men not boys, find everything about their woman attractive. There is nothing more womanly in this world than carrying your child inside of you. For this reason, I cannot think of anything hotter than my woman carrying my child. It is a definite turn on. No man thinks his partner is ugly while she is carrying his child.

  5. #5
    suzie q
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    hey guys!

    last night, steven was very affectionate and sweet to me. i asked him if he'd still wanna do it with me when i get all big and pregnant, hahahhahaha, and he said, "you'll be just as sexy as ever!"

    haha. i know that's silly, but it calmed me down a lot. i feel like he could tell i was feeling down because of the way he was acting last night and this morning.

    he didn't get to go to dinner with his mom last night because he had to work a little longer, so they rescheduled for tonight and she's asked me to come along. i think i'll feel a little uncomfortable, but i know it's best that i go and not try to avoid the inevitable.

    i feel better today, aside from the 'morning sickness' - which should be renamed 'all day sickness' - but as far as being in good spirits, i'm as good as it gets right now!

    you guys rock.

  6. #6
    MaJiK
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    Yeah - that is good to hear! I bet tonight will go well!!

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    thatdoggirl
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    Hey. I'm catching up on a TON of posts here but I'm glad things are going better and that you talked with him about some things. It's good to hear that his mom invited you this time. Just go into it with positive thoughts.

  8. #8
    xxSPHYNXxx
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    Hi Suzie~

    Wasn't able to read your post last night but I am glad your doing better today. On a great note, his mother did invite you to come along. I hope you enjoy yourself, stay in those fabulous "good" spirits!

    xxSPHYNXxx

  9. #9
    MaJiK
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    But now I want to know how dinner went???!

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    I second that!

  11. #11
    suzie q
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    oh! haha, i forgot to update that part!

    his mom was all smiles the whole time and i actually don't care if it was fake. haha, it felt warm and i was a little nervous going! her husband told me congratulations as soon as i sat down; he is such a nice man and the reason i believe she decided to reevaluate the situation. she asked me how i've been feeling and gave me some advice on fighting off the sickness. when we left, she actually hugged me and said congratulations.

    the whole dinner obviously made me happy, but i know it made steven feel a lot more relaxed and relieved.

    his sister posted my second ultrasound pic on facebook and his mom commented "he looks just like his dad..." and i thought that was pretty funny.

    overall, the situation seems a lot better -- besides the fact that i have already hit $1500 in medical bills! my insurance sucks a lot, but i've hit my deductible, so it should be a breeze from this point on, i think...

    money is just money, so i am trying not to stress about that and realize that i'm really, very lucky to have the support and love i have!

  12. #12
    xxSPHYNXxx
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    Suzie~

    I am glad that dinner worked out so well.. She is trying and its going to take the needed stress off of you especially since you have been advised to rest and elimintate stress.

    I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

    xxSPHYNXxx

  13. #13
    superconfused
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    Suzie!! I'm glad everything went well. You're right, money is just money. I really think its the small stuff that really matters anyway. We all want you to be happy and healthy, well BOTH of you now!! I'm glad everything is going well for you!! Take care!!

    -Joe

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    Suzie -

    I'm glad everything went well, and it seems as if she's genuinely trying for you guys. That's a VERY good sign. If may be a little "forced" for her now, but it sounds like she's going to be totally on board with this in time. I'm really glad that you have one LESS thing to be stressed about. The medical stuff? Yeah, that'll get taken care of one way or another, so no need to stress about it. I hope that morning sickness gets better!

    I realize I'm posting at, like, a billion o'clock in the morning, but out of desperation to breathe I took some non-drowsy Sudafed (only thing we had), and sleep is NOT coming easily! Think I'll skip that tonight...

  15. #15
    MaJiK
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    YEAH! I am so glad to hear that it all went well!

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