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Thread: Crossing boundaries: I think I lost my bestfriend

  1. #1
    lunacreek
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    Unhappy Crossing boundaries: I think I lost my bestfriend

    I am 22 years old and this is my first year away at college. Since the first week of school I developed a great friendship with a guy from my 1 month wilderness orientation course. We have been there for each other through many similar experiences, such as, living under the same tent for a month, homesickness, our first college relationship and our first college heartbreak. After 7 months of loyal, platonic friendship I began to notice that I have more than

  2. #2
    MaJiK
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    I bet he is just as confused as you are. And apparently there is a huge lack of communication going on here. You have to talk to him and get him to open up to you as well about how he is feeling. You crossed the friendship line which is fine but now you have to talk to figure where, if anywhere, this is going or if not how you can get back to your friendship (which may just take some time). Good luck and keep us informed! =)

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    I have to agree. You guys have been secretly adoring one another for a while. Think of it as a champagne bottle opening AFTER it was shook up.

    You guys need to talk openly about what it is you want and expect. The more you can communicate yoru feelings for one another, the better you will be in the long run.


    Take it slow. You're going to be just fine!



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    SuperDave71
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  4. #4
    suzie q
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    hey lunacreek!

    i agree that you guys just need to have some communication about this. i also agree with the notion that he is most likely just as a confused as you are!

    deciding to take it further with a best friend can be really awesome. try to be as open and honest with him regarding what you're expecting from the relationship and at what 'speed' you're willing to take it.

    good luck and keep us updated!

  5. #5
    rhythm
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    I might be old fashioned or whatever and I hope this isn't offensive but........

    You were sleeping over with a guy in his bed and didn't expect it to turn sexual? Especially with as close as it sounds like you two got. If it were me and I had gotten this close to a woman, she was sleeping in my bed with me, I would assume that getting physical was next. He might have moved a little too quick from kissing as you would've liked but from the story, all the signs were there to progress. I'm thinking he got all nervous, hot and bothered and didn't know any other way to go but to race for the finish line.

    I've heard similar stories more than once. A girl thinks she can share a bed with a guy because they are such great friends thinking he won't try anything. Then he, of course, does make a move. Good for you to put the brakes on if you were uncomfortable. Most probably would've gone through with the act and hated that they did. This might sound callous or not trusting but this is how guys operate. Men and women are very capable of having completely platonic great friendships. But there are certain lines you absolutely shouldn't cross with a friend of the opposite sex because men and women are absolutely different. Just my $0.02.

    Aside from that. If you guys are into each either, take it slow and talk openly about what you all are feeling. If you want to slow it down in the sex department, say that. Cool out with the "just friends" sleepovers. He is probably confused too. I would be I think.

  6. #6
    xxSPHYNXxx
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    Hi lunacreek~

    You have been given great advice here...I can only reiterate that since the friendship line has been crossed, he is probably feeling just as awkward as you.

    Why not suggest something casual, hanging out and ordering a pizza? This way you both can get in a comfort zone and communicate! Get your feelings out that way you both will be on the same page.

    I wish you well~

    xxSPHYNXxx

  7. #7
    lunacreek
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    Thanks for all the awesome feedback! I really appreciate it.
    A question for rhythm and superdave. I need more honest male perspective

    If you were in his shoes, would you continue to avoid bringing it up? And why?
    And what if I were the one to bring it up. Would you evade getting into depth about the situation and give a short answer because your feeling uncomfortable?
    If thats what he turns up doing- would you get mad if I kept trying to presure you into talking about it?

  8. #8
    rhythm
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    Luna, I personally would probably avoid bringing it up for a bit. The fact that I would probably be uncomfortable, maybe a little embarrassed thinking I had pushed you a bit too hard could be a factor. I think if you bring it up to him honestly and say that you do not hold it against him that he rushed the physical part too much for you you guys can move past it. I can't imagine getting mad if you bring it up. Unless there is something wrong with him and he cannot for some reason talk about it. I tend to think he feels just as awkward, judging by his actions, as you are and maybe for different reasons.

  9. #9
    Leinad88
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    Quote Originally Posted by lunacreek View Post
    If you were in his shoes, would you continue to avoid bringing it up? And why?
    And what if I were the one to bring it up. Would you evade getting into depth about the situation and give a short answer because your feeling uncomfortable?
    If thats what he turns up doing- would you get mad if I kept trying to presure you into talking about it?
    People avoid things that make them feel uncomfortable and if he thinks that it will make YOU feel uncomfortable as well then he's even more likely not to say anything. The problem here is communication, the issue hast to be brought up eventually if you want to move forward with this.

    I don't see any problem with you bringing this up to him, in fact showing him you are more willing to talk about it might make it easier for him to open up as well. You have to tell each other what is expected or the whole thing will just end up being a big mess of confusion and misunderstandings which it seems you've already experienced a bit.

  10. #10
    lunacreek
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    Thanks guys. I will give it a little more time

  11. #11
    lunacreek
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    !!!
    So last night we talked. It was great. He was such a good listener and basically told me that he that other night was akward and he wishes It could have gone different. He told me that we should start over and that he agrees we shoud take it very slow. He ended by saying that there is pottential for us to have something good! It couldn't have gone better. Thank you guys for all your advice

  12. #12
    xxSPHYNXxx
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    Luna~

    Great to hear! Goodluck to both of you...

    xxSPHYNXxx

  13. #13
    MaJiK
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    YEAH! That is great news to hear! Congrats and keep us updated!

  14. #14
    suzie q
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    yay! i just caught up and that sounds promising

    let us know what happens - we like to hear good stuff here, too!

  15. #15
    xxSPHYNXxx
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    Luna~

    Can you give us an update? I agree, we love to hear great news!

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