lol flattery will get you everywhere
Thank you for kind words :blush:
Well written! That was all kinds of awesome mate. I concur with everything you said, especially with your second point about not understanding how NC could be the answer. Two thumbs up my friend, it feels amazing to heal and be happy again doesn't it?
Dan, thank-you SO MUCH for those words. You are one brilliant man!
You need to think of this like a drug addiction, because it is EXACTLY the same. Remove the drug from an addict and they are in turmoil. Giving them the drug will relieve the pain but only temporarily. Staying away from the drug completely for the first month or so is HELL, but after that the addiction loses it's hold,...wow,...you see the light at the end of that tunnel.
This totally helps me out when a day comes where I start to 'regress'. I try to keep telling myself of how unhealthy it is to have such an emotional dependence on my ex.
Although, you are too kind when you say, "You know, if you and your ex were meant to be together, you WILL be, neither heaven nor earth can stop that." In my honest opinion, I've been thinking and I'm a bit confused about that "meant to be together" stuff. To me, it's about making serious decisions that determines if you'll be together, i.e. you CHOOSE to commit to each other. And for me, if my ex came back to me saying that he grew up and changed and that he realized that he loved me, I'm sorry but I am absolutely positive that I wouldn't take him back (even though I loved him more than anything). Reason being, people must live with the consequences of their actions. He left me and told me all of these awful things that I could not believe. But my goodness, his actions just proved he didn't love me. But anyways, for me, I don't believe that people can suddenly love you again out of nowhere, or remember they loved you and that suddenly sparks the feelings again. It's much better to move on and not think of you & them getting back together. I haven't spoken to my ex since four months ago, and I love all of this free time I have alone. It gives me time to re-think what I want out of life.
Who knows what hand fate will deal us,.. my point is noone knows. In 2-3 or even 10 years time, fate may throw two people together who never thought they would see each other again. Totally different circumstances, both had many experiences which have helped them grow emotionally, spirtually and learnt many lessons along the way. In the time that has passed, old wounds have healed and chatting seems 2nd nature....
Just one scenario, you hear that kind of thing all the time. I understand what you're saying though because I feel the same. She has hurt me more than I ever thought someone could hurt another. Besides anything else, I would never be able to trust her again. That being said, I have no idea how I will feel in 2-3 or 10 years. So many things will have happened to me during that time, I can't say how it would be if we met again then.
I believe that sometimes it is possible to meet the right person at the wrong time. Too young, too inexperienced, too messed up, too self obsessed, too self critical, too 'fill-in-the-blank'. Of course, it is much more likely that we will meet someone new and 100% more compatible than our ex's. But it's not unheard of for couples to get back together years down the line and never have expected it.
Things are raw right now, for everyone on this forum, but perspective changes once we have moved on. People can and have fallen back into love and sparks can be re-ignited, it's happened to friends of mine and they are blissfully happy 14 years after they broke up under horrible circumstances.
I totally agree with you that it is much better to move on, but moving on simply means moving on from your pain and situation. If you happened to rekindle with an ex years down the line, you would be starting a fresh relationship. A place where you have moved on from past hurts and pain. All I am saying is,...it happens, and if fate happens to throw you back with an ex at some point in the future, you never know where it will take you.
For now, and for all of us here, we MUST move on from the pain we've been dealing with, there is no choice in that. However at some point, when fully healed we can proudly announce how we have moved on. Whatever happens after that point is unwritten.
Hi Dan you look well and hapier,
Another great post and i totaly agree with what you are saying again before me and my ex split up she used to say we met too young and i think thats part of why we split in the first place she was ten years my junior so we had a age gap thing and i met her when she was just 17 and we was together up until she was 22 so i guess she wanted to date others has she was missing out on things, i dont know.We must have been at different stages in our lifes.
I like the idea of being drawn together again in the future u never know im like you and others on the idea of things happening for a reason, so you never know.
Im pinning for her again tonight its like she's thinking of me and i am conected to her and can still feel that she has feelings somwhere for me still, i dont know propably a load of twaddle, but its weird when you ok for a few days then bam you start thinking of her again. Do you get that or am i mad ?
Anyway good luck and keep smiling.
You're not mad Stephen, I think that is very normal. I would go for weeks being fine and then have a seriously bad day out of nowhere. I also used to feel that connection thing like she was thinking of me too. I'm not sure what that's all about to be honest, but either way,... does it matter? You need to let go of those thoughts my friend because they will not serve you. Whatever is going on in her head is not important right now,.... only what goes on in yours, and that needs NOT to be thoughts of her.
You're doing tremendously well mate. One thing I would also say is about the pining. I felt the same, but when I analysed that pining, I realised that I was pining for what could have been and the companionship I had,...rather than really her. Take the focus away from her, as soon as you feel that pining, pull yourself out of it and distract yourself.
You can do this buddy, if I can, anyone can
On a sidebar....I too love the picture my smiling happy friend!
Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end
Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
Just been re reading this Dan and when i look back at what you told me and how i felt and how much now i feel a lot lot better,Thanks a lot mate for being there and the other guys,you know who you are.You are all assets to the forum.
To the the newbies listen to this guy he knows his stuff.
you are so right about everything. thanks for sharing, its 5 wks for me and I'm in a better place than when it first happened. When we are so close , we loose objectivity and presective. we are hypnotized by the involvement with the other person. we can't see whats right in fromt of us. when we pull back we see the picture much more clearly. i have a long way but cold turkey is the only way to break the addiction. we must focus on ourselves in order to pull ourselves free. I'm happy you are better. thanks for the inspiration. hugs
---------- Post added at 08:26 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:23 PM ----------
hey Stephen, Dan is a great guy and he knows his stuff because he has and is living it. Its great that we all can help each other.
If my words can go any way to helping another deal with the kind of pain I went through, I am delighted to post my experiences and what I have learnt. I don't do this for recognition, just purely because I will never forget the absolute hell I was living for several months. I wanted someone, ANYONE to give me all the answers (which, we know, we'll never have), but I remember that to read other peoples experiences, how THEY coped, what I needed to do to stop feeling such utter agony helped me tremendously.
Thank you for your kind words, you'll never know how much it pleases me to know I have helped others deal with their pain. For something so great to come out of something so horrendously traumatic is extremely enlightening to hear. Bless you.
Last edited by Dan72; 05-17-2009 at 03:50 AM.
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