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Thread: Can he do this?

  1. #16
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    Silver~

    I believe your sons reaction to you telling him was a defense mechanism as he doesn't want to believe his father could do such a thing...then he turned his anger towards you.

    I still believe this must come from his father, I hope you all do sit down and have this conversation.

    Please let me know how it goes.

    Huge hug.

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

  2. #17
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    Thanks my friends,

    I agree I made the mistake of telling my son after all. And I didn't tell it to him the right way because I did it ruched, because he didn't want to listen.

    My son didn't go for the haircut anymore this morning so I didn't go to his office anymore and the meeting didn't happen. The longer I wait the more I don't want to deal with it. I must do it quick. I hope I can find the currage to do it this weekend.

    I agree that my son doesn't want to hear anything bad about his dad and that's why he got so defensive.

    I do agree that we should stay in contact with my ex a little but I don't want it to be as before anymore. Him calling me EVERY day for 3 years and questioning me as if I was being intervieuwed. He wanted to know every thing I did everyday, It was as if I was an ant under a magnifing glass. I was divorced but he was still acting as a jealous husband. Because of that I could not date anyone in fear of his questions and reactions.
    I only want to speak to him if it is about the kids.

    My parents are looking to give me an extra job in the company so they can give me a raise. My mother asked me yesterday how much I was making excactly and she and my dad are going to talk about it. Have not heard anything yet.

    Keep you updated,

    Thank you so much for replying to my post, it means a lot to me that there are people out there that care about me and want to help me. It is because of you guys and my family that I didn't loose it yet, because I really feel overwhelmed sometimes, affraid I wont be able to take care of my two kids on my own.

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    Silver -

    Again, I'm SO sorry you have to go through this - it's a horrible situation all around.

    I agree that your son's anger was a defense mechanism, and that he didn't want to hear anything bad about his father. I can sort of understand that - from what you've said in previous posts, he's been defensive about his dad for awhile. Since they're so close, it makes sense.

    I definitely agree that this needs to be done quickly. Your ex cannot and SHOULD not dump all of this responsibility on YOU, and it's ridiculous that he's doing so. You're right - your son needs to hear it from HIM. If he hears it from someone else, then to him that'll be just one more person badmouthing his father.

    Please keep us updated on how all this goes!
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

  4. #19
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    Kelley- I totally agree with you.
    Chickend out again to arrange a meeting today though, and tomorrow I will be away on a trip to some creek.
    A friend is giving a farewell party there. They are moving to live in Holland

    Monday I'm supposed to bring him a puppy. My dog had puppy's in January and he had asked me the best one of the litter. Every time I asked him if I could bring it over he asked if I could keep it a little longer. Yesterday I asked my son to call him and ask when he's going to take the puppy and he said I could bring it Monday. I'm also going to give him the jewelery he had asked me to keep safe for him.
    It will be a good oppurtunity to talk to him then.

    My son is free from school Monday and my daughter will be off early so I will go there after I pick my daughter up from school. I'm really nervous thinking about it and I think I will make some notes on what I want to talk to him about.

    You will hear from me monday.
    Hugs

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    Silver~

    I hope all went well yesterday....can you update us?

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

  6. #21
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    I had written an update yesterday, but now I don't see it (?) so I will write it again.

    Monday I dropped my son off at his office. Didn't drive up to the building. Just stopped at the entance. My son took the puppy and the jewelery with him.
    Some time later my son called to ask what kind of feed I used to give the puppy and I gave him the information. So he's going to keep the puppy.

    When I went to pick my son up, he brought the jewelery back with him. His dad send the message if I could keep it with me because he lives close to a bad neighbourhood and he is affraid for a break in. At first I didn't want it and I said to give his dad the message to put it in another safe place like the bank or one of his brothers, but my son said not to make a fuss and keep it for now.

    So I took it and put it back in my house. I don't want to be that person that fight with eachother through their kids. "Tell your mom this and tell your dad that..."

    I don't think I'm going to have that talk with him anymore. It will only create a lot of tension and it will backfire on the kids.
    I noticed that he does keep in contact with his kids. He takes the calls of my son and my daughter too. Only he doesn't take the initiative anymore.
    I think that if he goes through with his plans to marry another woman with kids that he will tell them since they are in contact.
    I also told my daughter that she can call her dad whenever she wants, how long she wants, but that she will have to do it on her own. I will not pressure her to call him or remind her to call him and she must never ask him for anything. If he gives her something or asks if she needs something only than can she accept.

    The contact between my kids and their dad is the most important thing for me and I don't care if he gives me child support or not. I will mannage somehow. My parents asked me a list of the montly bills and they said they will give me a raise(I work in the family company). It will not be much because my two brothers, my sister, and two nieces also work there and I can't get to high of a salary, since that would not be fair to them.

    I will see how my life goes. I will have to live on a tight budget and I don't mind that, but it will take some getting used to for the kids. They will have to learn to live a diffrent life and it will be a little hard in the beginning but they will learn.

    I will keep you updated.

  7. #22
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    I agree, don't have that talk with him, if the situation arises I am sure he will speak up. I think it was very good for you to encourage your daughter to call her father whenever she would like...I am sure it was a "relief" to hear you tell her too. In regards to the child support...I think its still too raw right now...don't make such a huge decision in regards to that right now...set that aside and do what is right for the "kids"...why should you let things get 'tough', tight for you when it is "his" responsibility/obligation to help care for "his" kids too? You both created those beautiful children, you "both" are responsible for their well being. You aren't asking for YOU this is for "both" your kids.

    Hugs my friend.

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

  8. #23
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    Thanks Sphynx,

    I'm sure that if his money problems clear up, he will start giving the kids stuff/money again. He has done that before. He just never liked being ordered or forced to do things. The more I'm going to force him to pay child support, the less chance I will have he will give them anything ever again. So, I 'm just going to leave him allone. He wants space, wants to put an end to his old live and start new so I let him because that is what I wanted all the time, only he was the one that couldn't let go yet.

    I only could be his friend but that was not enough for him. He was trying to win me back with all the gestures, but now that I have moved into my own house he knows it is deffinitely over, I will never return. That's why he is reacting this way. I think he is trying NC to get over me. I think it is about time, now I also can move on.

  9. #24
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    Silver~

    You have friends all over the world...A huge on that comes from Indiana, USA

    Remember that ok? Your a wonderful person and mother as well...Too bad you didnt live closer I would pack you in my car and take you to my daughter's softball game which Im leaving for in like two minutes!

    Hugs

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

  10. #25
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    Thank you so much Sphynx.

    I feel so happy I have you as my friend. I would have loved to go with you to the game.
    Hope she wins again!

    Hope you are doing a little better?

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    Silver~

    Your so welcome! Yes they won...they are off to a fabulous start 3-0...They won yesterday 7-0 and today is a huge conferece game..its such a gorgeous day out, wish we could be planting our community garden.....

    I am doing better, each day it does get a "tad" easier, and once you realize "hey, I was awesome before our relationship, I will conquer this and be that much stronger" your on your way! It just wasn't meant to be...so today is day 4 and life is "good"!

    BTW....she has five games next week and five the week after...take your pick/picks!

    HUGS

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by xxSPHYNXxx View Post
    once you realize "hey, I was awesome before our relationship, I will conquer this and be that much stronger" your on your way! It just wasn't meant to be...
    Great words SPHYNX!!
    I really admire your strength. Even though you must be terribly heartbroken, you still come on the board and help others out and hardly complain about your own pain.

    You are very strong. Keep it up, you're on day 4, the first week is the hardest.
    You are going to make it. I'm 100% sure

    Congratulations on your daughters team winning!!:clap1:
    Hope they keep it up.
    Really wish I could go with you!

  13. #28
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    Friends are truly amazing.....its not often I am sad, but when I am friends always cheer me up and help me through....I find with myself, once I make a decision I follow thru as in "when I am done, I am DONE"....I am sad for a few days, I allow myself to grieve the situation then I have to say ok, "enough is enough".. and set my goal that each day will get a "tad" easier than the one before.

    For everyday we spend sad its one less day we can have back in which to smile and be happy! A quote I wanted to share that brought a smile to my face...

    If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes." - St. Clement of Alexandra

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

  14. #29
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    Yes, that is a great quote, thanks for sharing it .

    You have such a great attitude in life. I find it very inspiring. You are an amazing person SPHYNX.
    I'm glad to have found you as my friend.

  15. #30
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    Thank you, right back at you my friend~

    Hugs,

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

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