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Thread: Crossing into dangerous territory

  1. #1
    chickenwing
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    Unhappy Crossing into dangerous territory

    Hello.. I need some advice on a sticky situation. Work with me here and I'll explain the scenario... and try not to judge(!!!), I just need some dang advice!:eek:

    There are three people... we'll call them "Laura," "Amy" and "Tyler".
    Laura and Tyler have become close friends and roommates over the last few years and, within the last year, "friends with benefits (FWB for future reference)." Now things between them are becoming, dare I say, unsatisfying... but Laura has realized she has real feelings for Tyler.

    But then Amy, who has been a mutual, platonic friend of the two for several months, is invited into bed with Laura and Tyler after a night of drinking--and accepts the invitation. During the fun beneath the sheets, Tyler mostly pays attention to Amy instead of Laura. And even afterward on multiple occasions, when the three are hanging out together, Tyler gives more attention to Amy, while Laura feels left out. Keep in mind that Amy is a mutual friend of Laura and Tyler... but now Amy and Tyler are starting to hit it off and Laura is unhappy about it because she likes Tyler also, and has that history with him.

    My question is: is Amy unjustified in getting with her friend Laura's fizzling FWB after she was invited into bed with them and slept with Tyler? Do you think Laura was asking for it by allowing Amy and Tyler to have sex? Opinions please.. ask questions if you need more info...

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    Chickenwing,

    Hello and welcome to theLoveLogic. What a sticky situation I must say.

    The way I see it is that "Tyler" is merely bored with Laura. They have been together a while and were foolish enough to invite another into their bed. Drunk or not, three is always a crowd. Tyler is NOT committed to either girl so in his own head, he is doing nothing wrong. Just because he is paying more attention to Amy doesn't mean anything in my book.

    What guy doesn't like something new? I say you stop looking into it and realize it was a mistake to be the third party. Drunk or not, both argreed to it because something was either missing in the sex department or it was getting old.

    Amy is merely the "new and improved" ingredient UNTIL Tyler finds something better.


    Just my two cents worth...


    Thanks for joining us and we are here to help..not judge.



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  3. #3
    chickenwing
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    I can't argue that 'Tyler' isn't doing anything wrong, seeing as there is no commitment on anyone's part and it was all out of some spur-of-the-moment horny decision.

    Edit:
    And there is also a large age and weight difference between Amy and Laura--Amy being the lesser of both of those variables--so, you can't blame a bored guy for going after that now can you... the way I see it, Tyler and Laura have a long history that they will have a hard time escaping from for as long as they're roommates, and I also feel like Tyler resorts to Laura simply because he has no other romances going on and Laura's just so readily accessible.

    P.S. still welcoming anyone's input on this..

  4. #4
    Slick
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    Heh...what can i say.....had some trios in my time and it's all fun and games untill someone looses an eye (real feelings are involved).

    As for the Alcohool Excuse, i say it's pretty immature to blame this kind of thing on a innocent sisterhood of beers, as it goes like this :

    -for the guy : hey man, if you got the erection , you still had some juice in the pumpkin (brains in one place)
    -for the girls : if you spotted another pair of breasts in that bed and you got a positive Id they weren't your property , it means you were sober enough to think about the consequences


    Then again, what did Laura expected ? Tyler having two sets of tools ? trios are like changing cars each lap in a race ....can't drive two cars at the same time ....you can tow the second one , but you're still driving the first
    I say Laura had feelings for Tyler from day one (or bang one), but always dragged along and avoided or lacked the courage to ask him to take it to the next level ....it might be out of pure comodity as beeing roomates, she always had him around...her mistake was betting on that trio to make him realize she was better, instead of starting a discussion, as the whole trio thing backfired on her.

    Amy just followed her interest , i'll even bet a few beers she knew tyler and Laura were intimate before the trio , but i can't say she's to be blamed if she claims him as a stable partener later....for the moment she's enjoying her 15 minutes of fame as she's better than the other girl ....later on she'll probably get dumped when something superior appears
    As for the tyler guy ....don't blame the seller, blame the buyer...bet a few beers again he has no feelings for Laura, as being roomates she was always available

    cheers mate !

  5. #5
    chickenwing
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slick View Post
    I say Laura had feelings for Tyler from day one (or bang one), but always dragged along and avoided or lacked the courage to ask him to take it to the next level ....it might be out of pure comodity as beeing roomates, she always had him around...her mistake was betting on that trio to make him realize she was better, instead of starting a discussion, as the whole trio thing backfired on her.

    As for the tyler guy ....don't blame the seller, blame the buyer...bet a few beers again he has no feelings for Laura, as beeing roomates she was always available
    Well put. That rings true to me. Oh and, who's blaming it on the alcohol That was just a little motivator.

  6. #6
    Slick
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    Wrote this after your edit ....on the long run i must say (my take on this) things look grim for all of them :

    Laura - if she tries to turn him into a stable partener, she will fail ..she lost her advantage (yes, sex is a powerful weapon) , pushing and cornering him will result in him leaving , and she'll be left alone , broken-hearted
    -must say it's a no win situation for her...i belive tyler and amy are aiming for something serious , and she'll be left aside anyway

    Amy - if she wants him as a serious partener, she'll always be haunted by that trio as feelings emerge later on ...it will continue to hit her as a boomerang , raising suspicion , mistrust and disgust, eventually bringing the whole wall down

    Tyler - for the moment he has the upper hand ....but if he's aiming for something serious he'll be in for one hell of surprise ...no matter what Amy says she wants from their future relationship, she' fell inlove with the guy playing both sides, the player , the property of another, and the weirdness of the situation ignited her atraction ...tyler , pursuing the serious approach , will show love, compassion , act nice, all in all blow that image away bit by bit, this beeing the end of him in her eyes

    Well that's my take on that one and what the future brings

  7. #7
    chickenwing
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    So what do you people think about the stigma of a girl liking the same guy as her friend, given these circumstances of the 3sum and all? If Amy and Laura talked and came to the understanding that nobody has a claim on Tyler and neither should feel like they aren't allowed to like him, but Laura was there first, is it still morally wrong for Amy to get involved with this guy?

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    If all three people involved in this situation discussed it before hand, if both ladies came to the agreement that nobody had the claim on Tyler, and everybody was consenting before this even began, I still don't know if I'd say it's "morally wrong" for Amy to like him. It's never good to say that you "aren't allowed" to like someone, because, in my experience, that just makes you like that person more. My question is, how does Tyler feel about Amy? Does he genuinely like her, is he interested in something serious with her? Or is she just sort of an "upgrade" from Laura, and he's just "having fun"? If you know the answers to this, it would be helpful.

    I'd hesitate to use the phrase "morally wrong." It's never "morally wrong" to like someone (unless it's Hitler or Pauley Shore). I think I'd use the term "messy." It sounds like this whole threesome thing has made for a VERY messy situation - like Slick said, that's what happens when "real feelings" come into it. It's one thing if everyone's in it for the fun of the experience, but when someone starts developing unrequited feelings, and the other two (presumably) develop feelings for each other, you're in for a bumpy road.

    Like Dave said, we're here to help and not judge. As long as everyone consents to it, I withhold all judgement.
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  9. #9
    chickenwing
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    Quote Originally Posted by OhManINeedCoffee View Post
    My question is, how does Tyler feel about Amy? Does he genuinely like her, is he interested in something serious with her? Or is she just sort of an "upgrade" from Laura, and he's just "having fun"?
    I wish I had an answer for that. I know that would probably solve any confusion on my part about what to do in this situation...

  10. #10
    Slick
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    what's moral have to do with love ? we've all seen how this works a few times ...not to judge but i'll bet that beer again you are Amy or some someone close to her anyway...as for Laura claiming anything on moral grounds, that belongs to the soap opera world..."you can sleep with him but you can't have him ?"...what is this , Muppets on strings ? ...In the real world , beeing with someone in a serious relationship , won't grant you he'll stay with you forever-and this is a normal situation ...what else can be said about this ambigous situation where a few factors played a major role ? sleeping with someone deosn't mean they'll be there forever, and even if they'll stay for a long while , they'll only stay for what they got ...nothing else

  11. #11
    chickenwing
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    Slick, I like your advice. Thanks!

  12. #12
    chickenwing
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    Yesh, yesh... I heard some stuff that I think I needed to hear, and the rest is up to me. The question What should I do now? is becoming less daunting and confusing. Thanks everyone
    but if anyone else feels like adding anything, my ears (or eyes?) are open.

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