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Thread: Possibility of a temporary LDR...

  1. #1
    thatdoggirl
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    Default Possibility of a temporary LDR...

    Ah, good thing I decided to make a post since this section is a little empty. I'm not in a Long Distance Relationship BUT recently I've had an idea on my mind of something that I want to do that might require a long distance sort of a thing for a few months.

    Yesterday at my school I was looking at the brochure things they have about the Disney College Program and I grew more interested when I saw that they are recruiting for the Disneyland (California) location as well as the Disneyworld one. Basically, it's a 3 month internship where you work at the park 5 days a week and you take a couple classes that might count as college credit depending on your college. This would take place during the FALL quarter.

    I'm sticking with Liberal Arts at my college but they take all majors and I think it would be a great opportunity for me to gain more knowledge about marketing which will be helpful if I ever get my dream career of promoting films or working on films in some way. Also, Disneyland means a lot to me because I used to go there all the time when I was little with my dad because I used to live in California. With that in mind I also got connections, I know a good amount of people in California so I got a place to stay if I don't end up staying at the resort or if I do atleast I got people I can visit and places to go.

    All of this is really exciting to me and I really want to do this. I still have to get more details at a meeting and apply and be accepted before anything is definite and such but I decided to bring this up to my boyfriend today. His reaction to it was not so pleasant and I felt really crappy about it. He instantly told me how him and his friend looked up the thing online (which is the same thing I was watching today online) and he said that him and his friend were laughing at it because basically they want to hire people that will pick up the trash at the park and they are just going around to all the schools because nobody wants to do it.. blah blah blah. We were talking about this all while walking around the mall. I was really hurt by the stuff he was saying because it's something that I had just gotten all excited about and I felt like I was being shot down and mocked at even though I don't think he meant to do that but he just let his views on the whole thing out very strongly and it pissed me off. I had no response and shut up after that because I couldn't even think of what to say after that.

    He brought it up again at lunch and he was saying how if it's what I want to do then I should do it. We talked a little bit about financial aid and the costs and such. He didn't continue to say anything bad really. But the main reason I brought it up was because I wanted to discuss what he thought about the possibility of me being away for 3 months and would he be cool with that part of it.

    Didn't get around to that until I texted him tonight...

    Me: Ok sooo... putting aside me feeling crappy about the way you responded to the disney stuff. I do have a question.

    Him: Aww, alright.

    Me: If we are even still together by that time and I go away for 3 months what do you think would happen with us?

    Him: Probably what happens to everybody, feelings drift apart from not being able to see each other.

    Me: At least you are being honest but I think that's pretty ridiculous. I don't think I'd feel that way.

    Him: It would be something great to see each other afterwards but it's hard to keep linked without seeing each other.

    Me: There are other ways to communicate and such without seeing each other and it's not a permanent thing.

    Him: Yeah, that's obvious, but without seeing each other there is a big factor in feelings. That is something I know for a fact.

    Me: Yeah, usually for me not seeing you would make me miss you more.

    Him: Yeah it does. But there is a lot of stuff one goes through emotionally. I guess you don't understand there is like stages.

    Me: No, I do understand what you're saying. I asked a questions and got an honest answer out of it that the result would probably mean splitting up.

    Him: That I didn't say.

    Me: That's what happens when people drift apart.

    Him: Not all the time, but the point is that I didn't say that.

    Me: Ok...


    He changed the subject after that so that's where we got with the discussion. Should've saved it for an in person discussion but I think it would have ended up somewhat the same and maybe with me being more emotional just because it hurts me to think about because he's not sayingt hat we would split up but he's already got this view about being apart changing feelings and such. I've never done a long distance thing but I can imagine there would be a lot of emotions that go with it but I don't see why feeling for each other would fade away after 3 months. Even when we were broken up and did NC for a month I still had feelings for him and was still in love with him even though I was in the process of letting go at that time.

    I know I'm thinking ahead of myself since the thing isn't definite but it is a big decision and if we're in a relationship these things should be discussed. Guess I'm just looking for some feedback here.

  2. #2
    suzie q
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    hey jess

    well, first of all, this sounds like a great opportunity for YOU and you seem really excited about it!

    as for the relationship with your bf...
    we don't really KNOW what will happen, do we? so, what is thinking about what might happen helping you right now?

    i'd say take it one step at a time. i have realized that i often think of what might happen in the future more than i think about what's going on right now. what a waste! i don't want to miss out on today because i'm worrying about tomorrow.

    i make a lot of jokes with my bf about our break ups to sort of make light of it all, but i noticed that when i say things like "if we are together" or "if we make it," it seems to bring him down a little and, as a result, takes away a little of our happiness right now. i noticed you said something similar to your boyfriend and i think we should stop having that negativity because it can be the thing that results in a negative response from him.

    does that make sense? i'm tired!

    just try to focus on today; worry about tomorrow when tomorrow gets here.

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    Suzie is right, Jess. Take it one step at a time.

    However, it does sound like a great opportunity, and I think you should take it if it becomes available to you. I've done the long-distance thing twice - once for 4 years while we went to 2 different colleges, and then this last one, which was 2.5 years. It's not easy, and certainly not for the faint of heart, but we were always able to keep that close bond regardless of how long we went without seeing each other...mainly because we communicated, took joy in talking with each other (even though we both would've preferred to have been physically WITH each other), and tried to set a goal for when we'd see each other again - something to work toward.

    I don't think your boyfriend was being quite fair to you, and if he's trying to make you stay by scaring you with the thought of him losing feelings for you because of the distance, then that's a little bit sneaky. People who REALLY care about each other don't need to be in arm's reach of each other at all times. If you care enough about a relationship with someone, you're strong enough to handle adversity when it comes and support your significant other when it's obvious that they really want to do something that - horror of all horrors - may not involve you.

    Don't let his reaction stop you from doing what you want to do, and just take it one little bit at a time.
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