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Thread: Hurt really bad

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    Default Hurt really bad

    OK. I know I just posted about the whole thing why my bf's reaction to the Disney program idea which I'm on board with all of your guys it being a great opportunity for me and I'm going to try to do it! But I have to post because I'm so hurt right now. It's partly my fault because I read it.

    I confess that after going a long time without spying on his online stuff I had this feeling and I know it was bad but I went with it. This morning I just looked up his facebook and read this conversation he's been having with this girl recently that he's been telling me about because he's trying to make friends and such. In the conversation he brought up me twice! And it's NOT good.

    "I have a girlfriend, but its kinda of a complicated relationship, I say that cause me and her doesn't really get along a lot of the time, we have too many differences, completely two different people, I know that I'm not going to get married or anything to her since of the differences so I don't know why I am still with her. but that's an entirely different story so I won't bore you with that.

    I don't want to sound like an atheist, cause I'm not, but I've
    been through a lot of things to change my perspective on life
    on how I perceive it... In a way I wish I could go back and wait
    until God shows me who, and I still hope he does, even through
    that's wrong of me to say even through I'm with someone, but I
    just don't see myself getting married to her, and so I know
    there will be someone who I would be madly in love with. and I
    know even if I found someone who I had lot of interests with,
    that would even be a huge connection. even getting along with
    you this much would be a huge connection, but that's just an
    example.... and if I found someone that I thought was amazing,
    heck, I might run away with that person, haha."


    I have a number of choice words that I really wish I could type right now but for the sake them being inappropriate I won't! I'm so hurt right now and I kind of wish I hadn't read it but at the same time maybe I was supposed to read it no matter how wrong of me it was.

    I'm crying. I don't even know what to write right now. I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell him that I read it because I just got through telling him all about the time that I read his stuff back in August. But he doesn't know that I knew his online stuff. What the heck is wrong with me for snooping?!?! I never want to do this again in my future relationship(s) that I probably will be going on to have based off of how things look like they are going to turn out.

    I know I'm pissed about this now and would have liked to have shared my future with him but the thing that hurts me most is that he is in a relationship with me when HE KNOWS that he doesn't want to marry me and he didn't tell me this!!!!!

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    TDG,


    I am so sorry you feel this way but I want you to realize something. Regardless of how you feel RIGHT now, you are free. You do not have to guess anymore. You are able to do what you need to do. As far as I am concerned you should be grateful to know that his mask came off and he is exposed. I know your heartaches. I know you shared alot together and I know you had a good past for the most part but you are done.

    Know that you deserve better than his "good enough". If he wasn't man enough to speak to you about how he feels then how can that ever be man enough for you? This is your window. You spoke once of why your life is stagnant and why positive changes have not been happening the way you hoped.

    Try and let go of the hurt and stand on yoru own two feet. You can do this. You are one tough spirit that CAN DO IT BY YOURSELF! I know this hurts but work through it and grow from it. Learn that problems just don't go away and that though things may not look in a positive light, you must look for the silver lining. Take this situation and understand that you are human. We all hurt and make mistakes. Don't let this situation weigh you down. Let the weight go and run with it. You can do anywhere you want, see what you want, do what you want and with whomever is lucky enough to come in contact with you.

    You may miss the good times you had but remember those are just memories. Hold on to the good times but DON'T LIVE IN YOUR PAST.


    Dry those tears and know that you have us right behind you to catch you when you fall or you feel weak. I find strength in you. Now, it's time to prove it to yourself.

    You are THATDOGGIRL.....see you roar!




    -Your Friend,



    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    oh gosh.

    i'm so sorry you are feeling this way and i'm sorry for the way you found out.

    dave said it all when he said there is no more guessing and wondering what he wants anymore. you have your answer. it may not be the one we were hoping for, but you have a definite answer and you are now able to pick up and start living a new life.

    this is supposed to be hard and it's supposed to hurt, but it will get better. look at all of the people here who have grown so much and moved forward after relationships that devastated them.

    i know you want to be with someone who is 100% in love with you and wants you the same way you want him and now you get to go out there and find him. you have nothing holding you back from all of your dreams that you talk about so often.

    allow yourself to feel the pain and ALWAYS remember that we're here for you. take comfort in knowing this will get better and there is someone better suited for you.
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

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    I'm sorry that you're feeling this way jess but I have to agree with dave. I've watched you struggle with this thing for a while now, we all have. I think it's time to make a choice as hard as it may be. He isn't treating you with the respect that you deserve and he isn't being honest with himself either.

    The Disney thing pissed me off, if there is something you really want to do no one should ever try to manipulate you to do otherwise. I'm guilty of this, my ex wanted to get her tongue pierced which I was very much against because of the health risks. As respectful as I was in trying to prevent her from going through with it (it's her life, not mine) it was still manipulative none the less. Looking back I should have just been understanding and told her "w/e floats your boat".

    Anyway this isn't about me but I was using that as an example. He laughed at you when you said you wanted to do the Disney thing...that is pure disrespect, and I can bet it's not the first time he's done something like that. Again, I know it's painful, I'm sure you've had your share of good times, but don't torture yourself being with someone who doesn't feel the same way or feel at all for that matter (it looks like he checked out a LONG time ago). You deserve a lot better than what he's been giving you, I think he could use some work on himself too.

    Try to keep your chin up, we're here whenever you need us!
    " Manifest plainness, Embrace simplicity, Reduce selfishness, Have few desires "

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    Jess, I'm so sorry to hear this.

    I agree with everybody here. I also have been following your struggle to keep the relationship going but this is indeed a big sign that he is just hanging arround untill he finds something better. It even looks like he is fishing again. Telling another girl these things is a huge red flag.
    I don't think you should put any more energy into this relation since there really are too many diffrences between the two of you.
    If you can't see the two of you getting old together than I would not waste anymore time with him.

    Go do the Disney thing, it will put much needed space and time between you so your heart can heal and than you will find someone who can really appreciate the amazing girl you are.
    You deserve so much better.

    We will help you get true it Jess.
    {{{big hug}}}

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    Jess~

    I too am sorry you are dealing with this...I do agree with what the others have stressed....it's your life now to do with what you can/want/need.

    We have been with you through very trying times, and watched/listened to your uphill
    battles. I agree with Dave, although you found out through his facebook you can now free yourself "completely", and move on to a happier/healthier environment, doing something that will benefit "you". Again, I have to agree with what Daniel stated....he was very condascending and disrespectful in the manner of the Disney opportunity. It was nothing more than him trying to "control" you and belittle you at the same time.

    You are a very bright young lady, you deserve to be treated as you treat him and I am sure you treat him very well. Although your heart aches, I recommend "starving the heart and feeding the soul" Take some time for you now. Focus on what you can do to achieve these goals you have...

    Know that we all care about you and love you....your a "treasure", don't settle my friend and don't live with regrets.

    Hugs,

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

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    {{{{JESS}}}}

    Damn, what bs for you to find out, I'm so sorry

    What should you do? Well, you don't have to tell him you've found it, because it wouldn't achieve anything,...he'll just lie his way out of it and then curse you for snooping. Take it as a lesson learnt and YOU make the decision to walk away from the relationship. Be the bigger person in this and let HIM go. If you tell him what you have found, it will somehow make him feel justifed in breaking up with you. I'm saying this, but knowing it's not easy. To walk away knowing something and not telling is tough, but sometimes you have to be the bigger person.

    Ya know, I did similar, I'd always snoop I never found anything but now I know I wouldn't have stopped until I DID find something. What kind of way to live is that??? I think that is more to do with insecurity than anything else. And if she (or he) gave us what WE need, we wouldn't have the insecurity in the first place. It taught me that I'd never snoop again, and hopefully you'll take the same lesson away too.

    He didn't tell YOU these things because he's a coward. He probably thought he was doing the right thing by not hurting you. After all, he would never have known you'd have seen his words, right? There's a great line in a song that I always remember, a song called "Driving with the brakes on" by "Del Amitri",.... "It's hard to say you love someone,.....and it's hard to say you don't" - not that that is particularly helpful, I know, but some people don't quite know how to say the words.

    People are sent into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The reasons are most often very valuable lessons, take that lesson with a head held high and know you are destined for better, happier times sweetheart.

    We're here Jess, if you need us.
    -Peace
    Dan

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    Thank you! All of you! For your wonderful words and advice. I'm staying strong. Had this happened to me last quarter I would have been too depressed and skipped class. Not to say that I am not upset because I very well am and I know that I'm going to have some ups and downs here but right now I'm choosing to be in control of myself. I went to class today and now I have a migraine but I atleast finished my assignment due in my next class but I might just drop it off and go home and rest until I feel better. Must have been a migraine caused by stress so it'll do some good to relax.

    I sent him a text and he was confused about everything I was saying and I said that he wasn't being honest with me. We don't have time to talk in person today and really, I don't see a point in dragging it out any further so I don't need that in person talk. Since he was so confused and thought he was being completely honest I sent him a message with exactly word for word what he said (the stuff I copy pasted above). So he can take that and do what he wants with it. He can be mad at me for all I care. I'm soooo done.

    ---------- Post added at 03:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:39 PM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Dan72 View Post
    What should you do? Well, you don't have to tell him you've found it, because it wouldn't achieve anything,...he'll just lie his way out of it and then curse you for snooping. Take it as a lesson learnt and YOU make the decision to walk away from the relationship. Be the bigger person in this and let HIM go. If you tell him what you have found, it will somehow make him feel justifed in breaking up with you. I'm saying this, but knowing it's not easy. To walk away knowing something and not telling is tough, but sometimes you have to be the bigger person.
    Eek. I read this too late but you know what. It still won't give him any upper hand. He may feel justified that I did something that is trust betraying AGAIN. BUT I found out the trust. I was honest with him about what I did. I can be at peace with myself knowing that I put in the effort that is needed in a relationship and I was willing to be open and honest and give it my best. I also know that no matter where I end up and who I am with I will enter it in the right state of mind! Him... I'm not so sure that he could truthfully say the same for himself because his pattern will just repeat. I've seen it from what I know about his past.

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    Hold that gorgeous head up high Jess, walk away now and let him wallow in his own self pity. Re-prioritise your 'stuff', and know now that FOR NOW, you only trust YOU 100%, and therefore you need to prioritise what is right for ONLY you.

    x
    -Peace
    Dan

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    That's what I'm gonna do. I start my first day of NC the second time around tomorrow. I've already walked away and now I'm ready to move onward and upward from here.

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    Jess~

    A question for all of us has to be "when is it enough"? Only "we" can answer that! For you it must of been seeing for yourself what he wrote on facebook....I don't understand why it is so hard for a partner to just "be" honest...or why it is so difficult to say "I am sorry".... Sorry always seems to be the hardest word....so sad!

    Often times we are put into what "we" feel is a position to play detective....my thoughts are and will always be....when I have to play detective "I am done"! I too am a person when things don't add up I have to find answers..."play detective" to help me to understand what in the hell is going on! Well, what I also know, don't go searching if you don't want to see/hear the truth. Once we see/find those answers although can and do become quite devastating, also "smack" you back into reality..no more what ifs, whys, etc....

    What I have also learned by doing this~although you may/do find answers how many more questions will it create? In the end....it doesn't matter. What matters is YOU. They are who they are.....take with you the memories but as always, leave the past there....in the past.

    This is all part of our journey...don't allow yourself to be engulfed in bitterness Jess. I know its not fair, just as I know "bad things happen to good people all the time" its life. Start focusing on and do what will make Jess happy...

    I hope your migraine goes away....and you feel better.

    xxSPHYNXxx



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    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

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    Nice words Pam

    Jess, we love you, and if you need to talk, add me to MSN and I'll ramble or listen or do whatever you need. The time difference means I may be going to bed, but if you need me, I'm here ok?
    -Peace
    Dan

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    Jess,

    I'm so sorry I'm just getting to this now!

    I agree with Sphynx in that, if you somehow feel a NEED to snoop through your significant other's things for whatever reason, then that's a pretty good indication that the relationship is NOT healthy and NOT going anywhere. And, the main thing you found out today is that your wasn't healthy because he WAS NOT COMMUNICATING WITH YOU.

    I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I'm proud of how well you're handling it, and I hope you continue to keep her head held up high knowing that you did the right thing for YOU. You've been struggling to make this relationship work for a long time, but I kept getting this feeling like he's just this dead weight that keeps you stagnant in some way. Honestly, from everything you've told us about him, and from what we know about you, I really don't think he's a strong enough guy to be with you.

    Dave is right - you're now free to do what YOU want, where you want to do it, and when you want to do it. Although I know you'll be hurting for awhile, knowing that you have that freedom will help give you the strength to heal.

    We're ALWAYS here for you when you need us - to cry, vent, punch stuff, whatever. You know that.

    {{{{{{JESS}}}}}}
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    you realize that this relationship has weighed on you for far too long! you are going to be fine

    i am so proud of you. the snooping may have made you feel bad, but (like kelley and pam said) if you felt that need to snoop, something wasn't healthy - the communication wasn't there. i'm CONFIDENT that this is unlike you, but you just wanted answers. now, you can move forward and be with someone that you don't even feel the need to do detective work on

    mini wave in celebration of jess
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

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    Thanks. I DO NOT like snooping and don't want to ever have to resort to it in my future. I'll know next time exactly what you guys said that if I feel that I have to snoop that's when I need to realize that the relationship isn't going to be right for me.

    I am glad that I did read what I read even though it hurt I'm just glad to know the truth so I don't have him as an excuse to hold on anymore. Now it's all about me and choosing to let go.

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