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Thread: Hurt really bad

  1. #16
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    Jess~

    As hard as it is to swallow, the truth will "always" set us free....its the letting go "completely" that is the "hardest" part but when we are ready we do so.....

    I hope you are doing better today.

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

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    Boy do i love cowards ...read the story , not a good insight ...i agree with what everyone said above , and going NC is the wiser choice here ...one thing i would have added was to confront the ******* , not letting him get away with it (but going NC with him asking himself "what the hell did i do?" is a good alternative)...now before everybody starts throwing tomatoes at me for saying that , the only reason i would have advised you to confront him , was to completely jump out of that window Dave mentioned....the human mind works in funny ways , in time it will hit you back , that this thing wasn't dealt with properly...from my male point of view , reading what he wrote there , was just cowardice and fishing for pity ...heck , if he thinks that will impress some girl , he is dead wrong ...and i hate when people bring God into their relationship

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    Slick, I agree with everything you wrote 100%. We were both up late last night arguing in text and today the same thing but I told him that it's important to me to end this properly and talk about this face to face. So we're going to talk about it the right way.. in person. Not saying that it won't be painful and I can't say that I won't be angry and such because I am human but at least we will have settled this all in a better way. I've read and thanked everyone in the no contact challenge as well for their advice/words of wisdom. I need to let go and get my head together and heal my heart.

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    Hey, Jess

    I'm glad you're going to meet with him in person. If he can only talk about this via text message and doesn't have thecojones to discuss this with you in the flesh, then he's got problems.

    I know you made a mistake logging into his Facebook account, and I hope he changes his password quickly so you won't be tempted. Don't beat yourself up too much - you just do everything you have to do in order to close the door on this. You're right - it's gonna hurt, but I think you've got the right attitude, and of course you've got us floating around like those shoulder angels/devils (a la "Emporer's New Groove").

    Quote Originally Posted by Slick View Post
    the only reason i would have advised you to confront him , was to completely jump out of that window Dave mentioned....the human mind works in funny ways , in time it will hit you back , that this thing wasn't dealt with properly...from my male point of view , reading what he wrote there , was just cowardice and fishing for pity ...heck , if he thinks that will impress some girl , he is dead wrong ...and i hate when people bring God into their relationship
    Hell, yes (yes, Slick, we actually AGREE on something! Let's throw a party, yeah? )

    You'll do great, Jess. And you know we'll be here when it's all over.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    Jess~

    I wish you well and I hope you get the closure your seeking/needing.

    As Kelley said, we will be here when you get back. Head up ok?

    Hugs,

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

  6. #21
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    Boy did I have a weekend. I didn't really know what to say here for a while and then on my drive home I thought of what I was going to say here and now I've watched a movie commentary and chatted with some friends and my mind is completely thrown off so I'll just go with whatever comes to mind.

    Friday he came over and we talked. I got some explanation to things I was questioning about all that happened. We pretty much laid everything out that needed to be said. So there was nothing left to say but he stuck around. My heart took over at some point and my emotions were crazy. We ended up laying there cuddling for a while til he had to go and I broke down crying. I was soo stupid but I just couldn't hold it in. He held me and asked what? We ended up kissing and I walked him out.

    This weekend I was really depressed. It didn't help to be stuck at work at a job where I'm literally isolated especially on Easter when NO ONE came by.. not a single person. I broke down earlier at work too and I cried in the bathroom incase anyone drove up. Luckily no one did. I also have been pretty bad because I texted him about this and we talked a little through text.

    On my drive home I began to realize what I have decided to do for me right now. Not all of it goes by the rules of No Contact and I don't choose to do No Contact at this time. I am, however, choosing to stop focusing so much on him and this situation. I want to work on myself like I'm supposed to be and I should always be focusing on myself even in a relationship so that I don't lose myself. There are tons of things going on with me that have effected my overall happiness in life besides this whole relationship thing. I'm at a point in my life where I've grown so impatient about everything and have no idea where I'm headed. So I need to make a change and a mission for myself.

    I've already motivated myself with school this quarter. Now I just need to motivate myself to be happy and not compare my happiness within to what I succeed in because I CAN be happy even when I FAIL, especially when I fail. I just have to stop mopping around. I don't know what my future holds and I have to stop worrying about it.

    I'm going to start a personal journal and I'm also going to start making little projects of importance to myself to work on every single day. Nothing big, nothing crazy.. just small steps each day to improving the things I want to improve about myself.

    As for the ex, we're both extremely confused right now and I know he has no idea what he wants and he's got a ton of things he is going through that he has to deal with on his own. I can't expect anything to work when we both have issues to work out with ourselves. I'm not doing no contact BUT I'm not going to be needy and continue to initiate contact either. I want to continue a friendship for now unless I find that it effects me too much and if we do hang out it will be limited time and I have to set my own boundaries...which also means I'm not adding him back to facebook because I know that is something that takes away my focus. I'm just going to keep living my life and stop focusing on him and what's going to happen.

    I know a lot of you would have a ton of stuff to say in response and maybe disagree with some things. I'm prepared it. But this is just what I've come up with for myself and I actually have felt quite peaceful and calmed and I finally feel like I'm going to be okay no matter what through both the hardships and the good times.
    Last edited by thatdoggirl; 04-12-2009 at 09:20 PM.

  7. #22
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    Hey girl , relax ...nobody's going to point fingers here for you choosing what you belive it fits your lifestyle right now ...we are not a cult or a sect (or are we you little devils ? ) ) punishing members who go their own way ...we just offer support and personal input on given situations ...the choice is up to you, as you are up there on that stage and the spotlight is on you ...Focusing on yourself is never a bad thing , as i've always said this is the main reason why i recomend going face to face in the first place ....as painful as it was , it was the first big step towards getting up one way or another , and building self-confidence...the only thing i might see wrong here , is you beliving to much on that wind of change ...from a male point of view , what happened was in no way a "full-time repair" but just a "quick fix" or a patch-up...and please don't try to rationalise his behaviour ...can't remember him saying something about the troubles or the load of stress in your life as the cause of relationship problems and your behaviour ,in that email (or whatever it was)....No bad intentions here, but the fact that the other girl probably wasn't so impressed about his life-problems and didn't jump in his arms right-away , thus leaving him with what he got before (you) as his only solution for now , means in no way that this is a rediscovery of love or clear skies ahead ...for the moment he just got away with it , and he slicked himself out of a self-created mess ...it was backstabbing in the first place , as it is now again .....i might be wrong , but then again , most times i ain't

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    Thanks.

    I am in no way defending his actions. He knows what he said, he regrets it but he still wrote all those things. I have no fears or worry over that girl because I'm sure she sees right through it and she's never even met him, probably won't ever either. I know I can't rationalize his behavior especially because he is irrational himself and this emotional cheating thing whether he recognizes it or not is something he's always dealt with. I've seen the pattern based off what I know of his past and I know it's something that I can't change.

    The only things I can change is me, FOR me, and ONLY me.

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    hey there!

    the most important thing here is that you do what you think is best for YOU. only you know what is best at this time and we're here to support you. we want you to be happy and move forward in a way that is beneficial and positive for your future.

    i agree that limited time together is best. you are both confused and don't know what you want and it can be a billion times more confusing keeping in contact with one another. again, only you know what is best and it looks like you've really considered and thought about this.

    i'm sorry your weekend was so difficult , but remember today is a new day . there are going to be some really tough times and there are going to be some days where you feel great; the bad times pass like the good ones do.

    GIGANTIC HUGS!
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

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    Hey, Jess -

    I agree with everyone else - what's important is that you do what you KNOW is best for YOU, and it sounds like you're taking proactive steps to do that. Yo'ure tougher than you realize, and regardless of what happens with him in the future, you're going to be fine.

    I'm sorry you had such a rough weekend, and I hope you're feeling better today! Your ex does sound like he's confused, not sure what he wants, and when that happens it's best to take some time for the both of you to get your own heads together. You're right - the only thing you can change is YOU, and when you let go of all that other stuff you can't control, it's a huge weight off.

    You take care of you and keep that fabulous red head of yours up!
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    Jess~

    None of us here are here to be the judge and jury...we are here for support. We offer our advice/opinions and it is up to you how you want to process and use them.

    We are all different, we have different situations/circumstances that happen, based upon those situations we all handle them differently...Some choices/decisions we make work out, others may in fact make matters worse....As long as we are making those choices/decisions for "us" and not the partner, and "trying" all we can do is try again....

    I believe that its not about "being right" its about doing what is right....not compromising your morals and values, staying true to YOU!

    With that said, take baby steps.....take time to figure out what will be in the best interest of you to accomplish what it is in life that you want/need <goals, etc.> You only live life once, as I say don't live with regrets!

    We are all here to support you Jess...

    Hugs,

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

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    Jess,

    As the others have said, noone here is going to condemn you for a single thing. All everyone wants is for YOU to be ok. Sometimes we can't always do everything exactly 'by the book', and whatever works for one person doesn't always work for another. The point is, you have to do whatever makes Jess happy, not us, not 'him', but you.

    Sorry this is brief, I'm being harrassed by friends to get to her house NOW as she wants to order pizza, so I must leave before I am strung up by my unmentionables to the nearest tree.

    *NOTE TO SELF* Never get in the way of a woman and her pizza

    We love you Jess x
    -Peace
    Dan

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    WOW girl - that is am emotional roller coaster you have been on! Just make sure that he doesn't weasel his way out of this. Those things said are how he feels and it can't be taken back or changed. You both seem like you could benefit from moving on from this relationship. Good luck with everything!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dan72 View Post
    *NOTE TO SELF* Never get in the way of a woman and her pizza
    Yes! Anything to do with women and food and you better get her to that food right away or you're just asking for trouble.


    Quote Originally Posted by xxSPHYNXxx View Post
    With that said, take baby steps.....take time to figure out what will be in the best interest of you to accomplish what it is in life that you want/need <goals, etc.> You only live life once, as I say don't live with regrets!
    Thanks. That is exactly what I'm doing. Sure I've made tons of mistakes and stumbled here and there but I don't regret a thing and what's the most important is that I am able to pick myself back up and keep on smiling.

    Quote Originally Posted by MaJiK View Post
    WOW girl - that is am emotional roller coaster you have been on! Just make sure that he doesn't weasel his way out of this. Those things said are how he feels and it can't be taken back or changed. You both seem like you could benefit from moving on from this relationship.
    Yeah, it's been crazy with all the ups and downs. I'm finally at a point where I'm okay. I can't change the way he feels. If he feels one way or another that's on him. No way am I going to let him weasel his way out of this. One BIG thing I've learned from this forum is that ACTIONS speak louder then words. There is no way that we'd have a HEALTHY relationship with the way that things are right now and maybe it really this was the last time that we were in a relationship but I honestly just don't know the answer to any of that and I'm not supposed to assume things anyway. So it's no longer important to me to take guesses as to what's going to happen, it's important to me to go with what I know and I know that I need to focus on MY wants and MY needs in order to have the happiness that I want within myself in my life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thatdoggirl View Post
    it's important to me to go with what I know and I know that I need to focus on MY wants and MY needs in order to have the happiness that I want within myself in my life.
    You said it all right there! ;)

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