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Thread: inability to 'perform.'

  1. #1
    suzie q
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    Default inability to 'perform.'

    okay, this is really embarrassing for me to talk about and i know my bf would kill me if he knew i was talking about this with other people...

    sometimes when my bf drinks, things don't always work when we're being intimate; i understand that and just chalk it up to the alcohol. he and i have been more than friends for a LONG time, so i've had my share of experiences with him and enough to know this is an issure that he has when he's been drinking.

    however...

    last night, it just sorta stopped working.

    being the overanalyzing woman that i am, i felt like it must be me. maybe something i did 'turned him off' or maybe he no longer likes the sight of my body since i've put on some weird weight and bloating during my 9 weeks of pregnancy.

    does anyone have anything to say about this? know anyone that this has happened to, or reasons it may happen?

    it was really awkward. we both just sort of turned away from each other and said goodnight. he seemed really frustrated with me and distant afterwards.

    i know this can be a really uncomfortable discussion, but any advice/input would be helpful anything to make me believe it's not me!

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    Was he drinking last night Suzie? I just want to be sure I am correct on this one.


    -SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

  3. #3
    suzie q
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    not even one drink!

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    Ohhhhhhhhh I see. Well, let's chalk this one up to stress. As long as it is not a 'regular' thing....

    Keep us posted. Don't worry about it...I am sure he will 'rise to the occassion' soon enough.


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    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

  5. #5
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    Suzie -I am a woman but I know how embarrasing it can be for a man and he must feel awfull. The reason can indeed be stress and you really should not make a big fuss about it anymore.
    He is distant because he feels ashamed and the more you focus on it the more stressed he will become causing this to happen again.
    I really don't think it is because of the way you look. Men know that a woman will look like that when they are pregnant and they know it is only for a while. They really aren't turned off by that especially if it is their baby the woman is carrying so don't worry about the way you look at all.

    Just act as if you have forgotten the whole thing, don't pressure him, he will be ok again.

  6. #6
    suzie q
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    thanks

    i definitely haven't brought it up to him because i know he's probably a little embarrassed. i got to thinking about it and i know he's been under a lot of stress trying to get the house ready for the baby. he's done a really great job keeping his cool - considering his temper! - and i'm really grateful for all he does.

    i was feeling a bit insecure yesterday, but i feel much better today

  7. #7
    xxSPHYNXxx
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    Suzie~

    Good to hear...Hey, did you ever think of maybe preparing him some Oysters Rockafeller?

    HA

    Hugs,

    xxSPHYNXxx

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    Haha, Suzie, I think you can chalk this one up to stress/exhaustion. Maybe give him a relaxing evening with just the two of you NOT talking about/worrying about all the baby stuff. Doing that stuff once in awhile works WONDERS.

    I remember being disappointed a lot during the last visit I had with my ex. He was stressed and distracted with having to sing at his friend's wedding. As soon as all that was over with, I kinda made it a point to do some "adult pampering" for him, and it worked.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

  9. #9
    suzie q
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    thanks guys!

    we are actually going out tonight for my mom's surprise birthday party @ the beach shack (restaurant) and i know he'll be happy to get out of the house for the night and relax. he's probably looking forward to a nice cold beverage, while i'm looking forward to all the food! something for everyone...

    my hormones are all over the place, so he could probably use some 'pampering' also. he has definitely put up with a lot of moodiness and has, surprisingly, done it with grace and a level of understanding that i'm not sure i'd have with myself. hahaha.

  10. #10
    zedtech
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    OK I'll admit it... it's happened to me w/ my ex - stop laughing! :o :p

    I was under a ton of stress at work while dealing w/ some family issues. It happened 3 or 4 times and after it would take me longer than usual to "finish". :confused(1):

    It had nothing to do w/ my ex at all... I was just more stressed out than I thought I was. It frustrated me to no end, especially the first time it happened because I had never experienced that before. I always made it up to her though ;)

    Yeah that's right! There I said it :smilielol5:

  11. #11
    suzie q
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    well, i LOVE the use of your smileys in that post, zed. hahahaha.

    thank you i am not a guy, so i don't know what's 'normal' as far as that goes.

  12. #12
    thatdoggirl
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    Well, if you think about it from a girls perspective aren't there times where you just aren't feeling it... where it has nothing to do with your partner but could be a number of other factors like stress and such where you just don't get turned on even though you want to. I've had that happen to me on occasion but it's just guys wouldn't be able to tell that sort of thing unless the girl orgasms every time or something (which is not the case with me at all but that's a whole other story. LOL). But yeah, my point is that it's nothing to worry about unless it happens a lot and is really having an impact on the relationship.

  13. #13
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    I can't remember the last time I "just wasn't feeling it"!

    But yeah. I think we always have to keep in mind when our partners are having difficulties, it usually doesn't have anything to do with us. Oddly enough, I found out not long ago that, for my ex, it was often body image issues. It makes sense now, thinking back to specific incidents, but at the time I was so insecure (and still can be) that I couldn't imagine it it NOT being about me. He'd told me that he was intimidated by my "physique." I was (and still am, from the looks of it) in better shape than he was.

    Glad all the lifting weights has counted for something!
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

  14. #14
    suzie q
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    kelley, you're hilarious.

    i am pretty rarely not in the mood and if i'm not in the mood, we don't do it. hahaha.

    going on body image stuff - he actually made a comment about how he's getting fat. he is SUPER fit and has an awesome body, but he hasn't been going the the gym lately and hasn't been eating well. i take credit for him not eating well since i do the grocery shopping and i've been eating some pretty crappy stuff lately; he is unable to resist sweets! i hope he doesn't feel bad about his body because i think he looks great, of course.

    i have to admit, i like hearing everyone elses tales from the sack; it makes me feel more human.

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    We should totally start a "Tales from the Sack" thread. LOL
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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