Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 24

Thread: inability to 'perform.'

  1. #1
    Silver Member
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Level completed: 89%,
    Points required for next Level: 23
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 23
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Arm of Law
    suzie q's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    835
    Points
    5,127
    Level
    45
    Blog Entries
    19
    My Mood
    Sleepy
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default inability to 'perform.'

    okay, this is really embarrassing for me to talk about and i know my bf would kill me if he knew i was talking about this with other people...

    sometimes when my bf drinks, things don't always work when we're being intimate; i understand that and just chalk it up to the alcohol. he and i have been more than friends for a LONG time, so i've had my share of experiences with him and enough to know this is an issure that he has when he's been drinking.

    however...

    last night, it just sorta stopped working.

    being the overanalyzing woman that i am, i felt like it must be me. maybe something i did 'turned him off' or maybe he no longer likes the sight of my body since i've put on some weird weight and bloating during my 9 weeks of pregnancy.

    does anyone have anything to say about this? know anyone that this has happened to, or reasons it may happen?

    it was really awkward. we both just sort of turned away from each other and said goodnight. he seemed really frustrated with me and distant afterwards.

    i know this can be a really uncomfortable discussion, but any advice/input would be helpful anything to make me believe it's not me!
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

  2. #2
    Administrator
    Points: 78,139, Level: 100
    Points: 78,139, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%,
    Points required for next Level: 0
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Your first Group25000 Experience Points10000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points1000 Experience Points
    SuperDave71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Memphis
    Posts
    1,565
    Points
    78,139
    Level
    100
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Cheeky
    Rep Power
    122


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Was he drinking last night Suzie? I just want to be sure I am correct on this one.


    -SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

  3. #3
    Silver Member
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Level completed: 89%,
    Points required for next Level: 23
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 23
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Arm of Law
    suzie q's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    835
    Points
    5,127
    Level
    45
    Blog Entries
    19
    My Mood
    Sleepy
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    not even one drink!
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

  4. #4
    Administrator
    Points: 78,139, Level: 100
    Points: 78,139, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%,
    Points required for next Level: 0
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Your first Group25000 Experience Points10000 Experience Points5000 Experience Points1000 Experience Points
    SuperDave71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Memphis
    Posts
    1,565
    Points
    78,139
    Level
    100
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Cheeky
    Rep Power
    122


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Ohhhhhhhhh I see. Well, let's chalk this one up to stress. As long as it is not a 'regular' thing....

    Keep us posted. Don't worry about it...I am sure he will 'rise to the occassion' soon enough.


    -Your Friend,


    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

  5. #5
    Gold Member
    Points: 6,849, Level: 54
    Points: 6,849, Level: 54
    Level completed: 50%,
    Points required for next Level: 101
    Level completed: 50%, Points required for next Level: 101
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Silverstar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    South America
    Posts
    424
    Points
    6,849
    Level
    54
    My Mood
    Happy
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Suzie -I am a woman but I know how embarrasing it can be for a man and he must feel awfull. The reason can indeed be stress and you really should not make a big fuss about it anymore.
    He is distant because he feels ashamed and the more you focus on it the more stressed he will become causing this to happen again.
    I really don't think it is because of the way you look. Men know that a woman will look like that when they are pregnant and they know it is only for a while. They really aren't turned off by that especially if it is their baby the woman is carrying so don't worry about the way you look at all.

    Just act as if you have forgotten the whole thing, don't pressure him, he will be ok again.

  6. #6
    Silver Member
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Level completed: 89%,
    Points required for next Level: 23
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 23
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Arm of Law
    suzie q's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    835
    Points
    5,127
    Level
    45
    Blog Entries
    19
    My Mood
    Sleepy
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    thanks

    i definitely haven't brought it up to him because i know he's probably a little embarrassed. i got to thinking about it and i know he's been under a lot of stress trying to get the house ready for the baby. he's done a really great job keeping his cool - considering his temper! - and i'm really grateful for all he does.

    i was feeling a bit insecure yesterday, but i feel much better today
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

  7. #7
    Platinum Member
    Points: 5,719, Level: 48
    Points: 5,719, Level: 48
    Level completed: 85%,
    Points required for next Level: 31
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    xxSPHYNXxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    1,001
    Points
    5,719
    Level
    48
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Happy
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Suzie~

    Good to hear...Hey, did you ever think of maybe preparing him some Oysters Rockafeller?

    HA

    Hugs,

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

  8. #8
    Super Moderator
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Level completed: 38%,
    Points required for next Level: 312
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 312
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Your first Group5000 Experience Points1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    OhManINeedCoffee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    1,615
    Points
    15,538
    Level
    80
    Blog Entries
    10
    My Mood
    Goofy
    Rep Power
    123


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Haha, Suzie, I think you can chalk this one up to stress/exhaustion. Maybe give him a relaxing evening with just the two of you NOT talking about/worrying about all the baby stuff. Doing that stuff once in awhile works WONDERS.

    I remember being disappointed a lot during the last visit I had with my ex. He was stressed and distracted with having to sing at his friend's wedding. As soon as all that was over with, I kinda made it a point to do some "adult pampering" for him, and it worked.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

  9. #9
    Silver Member
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Level completed: 89%,
    Points required for next Level: 23
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 23
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Arm of Law
    suzie q's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    835
    Points
    5,127
    Level
    45
    Blog Entries
    19
    My Mood
    Sleepy
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    thanks guys!

    we are actually going out tonight for my mom's surprise birthday party @ the beach shack (restaurant) and i know he'll be happy to get out of the house for the night and relax. he's probably looking forward to a nice cold beverage, while i'm looking forward to all the food! something for everyone...

    my hormones are all over the place, so he could probably use some 'pampering' also. he has definitely put up with a lot of moodiness and has, surprisingly, done it with grace and a level of understanding that i'm not sure i'd have with myself. hahaha.
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

  10. #10
    Junior Member
    Points: 3,481, Level: 36
    Points: 3,481, Level: 36
    Level completed: 88%,
    Points required for next Level: 19
    Level completed: 88%, Points required for next Level: 19
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    zedtech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    190
    Points
    3,481
    Level
    36
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    OK I'll admit it... it's happened to me w/ my ex - stop laughing! :o :p

    I was under a ton of stress at work while dealing w/ some family issues. It happened 3 or 4 times and after it would take me longer than usual to "finish". :confused(1):

    It had nothing to do w/ my ex at all... I was just more stressed out than I thought I was. It frustrated me to no end, especially the first time it happened because I had never experienced that before. I always made it up to her though ;)

    Yeah that's right! There I said it :smilielol5:
    Rich

    For the newcomers:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu-QjTNtDz8

    Feeling down? Think about and be grateful for what you do have, not about what you don't have.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8slB-mYCPw

  11. #11
    Silver Member
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Level completed: 89%,
    Points required for next Level: 23
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 23
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Arm of Law
    suzie q's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    835
    Points
    5,127
    Level
    45
    Blog Entries
    19
    My Mood
    Sleepy
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    well, i LOVE the use of your smileys in that post, zed. hahahaha.

    thank you i am not a guy, so i don't know what's 'normal' as far as that goes.
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
    Points: 9,102, Level: 64
    Points: 9,102, Level: 64
    Level completed: 18%,
    Points required for next Level: 248
    Level completed: 18%, Points required for next Level: 248
    Overall activity: 42.0%
    Overall activity: 42.0%
    Achievements:
    Your first Group5000 Experience Points1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points
    thatdoggirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1,010
    Points
    9,102
    Level
    64
    Blog Entries
    18
    My Mood
    Happy
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Well, if you think about it from a girls perspective aren't there times where you just aren't feeling it... where it has nothing to do with your partner but could be a number of other factors like stress and such where you just don't get turned on even though you want to. I've had that happen to me on occasion but it's just guys wouldn't be able to tell that sort of thing unless the girl orgasms every time or something (which is not the case with me at all but that's a whole other story. LOL). But yeah, my point is that it's nothing to worry about unless it happens a lot and is really having an impact on the relationship.

  13. #13
    Super Moderator
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Level completed: 38%,
    Points required for next Level: 312
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 312
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Your first Group5000 Experience Points1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    OhManINeedCoffee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    1,615
    Points
    15,538
    Level
    80
    Blog Entries
    10
    My Mood
    Goofy
    Rep Power
    123


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    I can't remember the last time I "just wasn't feeling it"!

    But yeah. I think we always have to keep in mind when our partners are having difficulties, it usually doesn't have anything to do with us. Oddly enough, I found out not long ago that, for my ex, it was often body image issues. It makes sense now, thinking back to specific incidents, but at the time I was so insecure (and still can be) that I couldn't imagine it it NOT being about me. He'd told me that he was intimidated by my "physique." I was (and still am, from the looks of it) in better shape than he was.

    Glad all the lifting weights has counted for something!
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

  14. #14
    Silver Member
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Points: 5,127, Level: 45
    Level completed: 89%,
    Points required for next Level: 23
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 23
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Arm of Law
    suzie q's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    virginia
    Posts
    835
    Points
    5,127
    Level
    45
    Blog Entries
    19
    My Mood
    Sleepy
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    kelley, you're hilarious.

    i am pretty rarely not in the mood and if i'm not in the mood, we don't do it. hahaha.

    going on body image stuff - he actually made a comment about how he's getting fat. he is SUPER fit and has an awesome body, but he hasn't been going the the gym lately and hasn't been eating well. i take credit for him not eating well since i do the grocery shopping and i've been eating some pretty crappy stuff lately; he is unable to resist sweets! i hope he doesn't feel bad about his body because i think he looks great, of course.

    i have to admit, i like hearing everyone elses tales from the sack; it makes me feel more human.
    "be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


    "live fully today so you won't have to regret tomorrow that you didn't live fully yesterday."

  15. #15
    Super Moderator
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Points: 15,538, Level: 80
    Level completed: 38%,
    Points required for next Level: 312
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 312
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Your first Group5000 Experience Points1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    OhManINeedCoffee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    1,615
    Points
    15,538
    Level
    80
    Blog Entries
    10
    My Mood
    Goofy
    Rep Power
    123


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    We should totally start a "Tales from the Sack" thread. LOL
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •