I recived a letter

[Alla]

So this is the letter i received today after i said i am sorry for telling him that he is selfish, self centered, messed up etc. Should i just ignore it or should i tell him that i was right of what i think about him. (my story is under: help i am lost) Please tell me what you think and thanks for advice.


here is his letter:

Its not like I was evaluated by an expert that I trust so it would mean something to me, it was only a joke of a bad taste and that is how I took it but if you insist on talking about it then it means you meant it to hurt and here is how I feel about it, I feel you just said what you feel about me, you are just not used on someone telling you “NO” and I spotted that in you then gave you that chance to get even but you still hold the grudge, you read a book, big deal take it easy I am not selling our friendship for cheap talk but I also expect you to be more considerate in what you say especially that you have shown a great deal of signs that you don’t know me at all and it does not matter, we only need to know enough to maintain this friendship, take it easy you seem to think too much..way too much.

[OhManINeedCoffee]

Alla -

I'm having a LITTLE trouble following his letter, but I don't know what all was said in your last conversation together.

Off the bat, I feel like he's trying to put the blame on you for things. I'm going to repeat what Mike and Suzie said in your other thread: You have done NOTHING wrong! You were being HONEST and trying to COMMUNICATE. Don't ever second-guess yourself for that.

Second of all, my advice is to simply not answer his letter either way. He's deliberately trying to hurt your feelings, and he's hoping you'll take the bait because it'll make him feel "powerful" to know that he's had this effect on you. Anyone who says, "I only need to know enough about you to maintain a friendship" is NOT WORTH BEING FRIENDS WITH. I know it's hard, and I know you care for him, but I advise you to simply disappear. What he wants is a reply - don't give it to him. If he's going to be as disrespectful to you as he seems to be in this letter he sent you, then my best advice for you is to just walk away with dignity and self-respect - don't sink to his level. I also strongly advise you to go full-on N.C. with this guy. Making yourself unavailable will protect YOU from being hurt by him, and it will probably have a much more profound effect on him than replying to his letter.

Replying and telling him that you'd been right all along about his self-centeredness (and I think you might be right) may seem like a good way to make him aware of this, but, as someone who's had to deal with people like this before, the best thing to do for YOU is to just leave it. Always remember what Dave says: If you don't do anything, you can't SCREW ANYTHING UP!

I hope that helped a little.

[Alla]

Thank you. I just don't get people like him. Are they messed up or what kind of people they are. they want to hurt other people for no reason at all. When i walk away he sends me nice letters wants me back, when i am there he treats me bad. What's wrong. If he doesn't want me why does he say he does. I have never met anyone like this before in my life. Most people around me liked me, respected me, wanted to be around me. I use to leave man, but with respect and fair way. I have never been addicted to anyone, and i can say this is addiction. I have never been treated worst in my life, and i still love him. I loved before but for the good manners not for bad once. I have never been left before in my life. I just don't know how to handle this kind of behavior. And i feel bad that he thinks all these things about me. I totally don't hold grudges, and i didn't look for sex in the relationship, i wanted to keep him as a friend. Does he see something i do and i am not doing or does he hear something that i don't say. But again what is the point to explain anything if he is the way he is.

[OhManINeedCoffee]

It sounds like he has a thing for control and power. He manipulates and lures someone in, and then once that person serves his needs, he's "done" with them. While I'm no psychologist, everything you've said about him has reminded me of a typical narcissist.

Basics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

[Slick]

Hello Alla

"[I]Its not like I was evaluated by an expert that I trust so it would mean something to me, it was only a joke of a bad taste and that is how I took it but if you insist on talking about it then it means you meant it to hurt and here is how I feel about it, I feel you just said what you feel about me, you are just not used on someone telling you