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Thread: dont want regrets

  1. #1
    jj1873
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    Default dont want regrets

    ok so i seen this girl a couple of times through a work mate of mine but never really thought anything of it..duno wot it was but i decided i wanted to get to know her better. Thing was id have to go through my work mate to try and get any sort of contact, as this girl wasnt my friend and id never see her..i told my work mate i liked her and asked her to find out if id have a chance... It seemed that i might, twice this girl walked my work mate into work after shed known i liked her, and twice id missed her..anyway on night when i was out, this girl i like seen me and shouted over to me but i stupidly ignored her and pretended i didnt hear her. She didnt realise i was doing it deliberately.. I instantly regretted this and managed to get her number from my work mate ( i asked her to, sak the girl i like if i could have it..)

    To cut a long story short, we text a bit and then i asked her out on a midweek date, she declined but suggested the weekend, come the weekend, she didnt reply when i asked about going for a drink..?

    Left it for a while and things seemed a little weird between me and my work mate now..?

    Anyway would begin to phone them both when drunk and talk crap and text and talk crap.. One of the weekends,i done this,I blew my top, complaining that i thought the whole thing was a piss take (me being set up with her number etc to simply be treated as a joke..) I done this because id asked, her if she was interested in getting to know me better, because i thought thats why i had the number etc but got no reply yet when i asked something else a few days later, i got a reply!? so i asked again "any answer to the previous text?" and got no reply...?

    Basically the whole thing has bee resolved to a degree now in that i apologised for going off at my work mate and to the girl i like aswell...they accepted the apology and my work mate had been weird up until friday there when we hung out for like 3 hours,, better and more so than when we where friends..The girl i like said it was alright and that i was a nice guy etc etc..ive text her a little since then..just to ask a few questions bout sumthin random...but really where do i go from here, what way can i go about ressurecting this if you like, getting to know her better..i dont want to regret that stupid mistake of ignoring her in the pub!!!!!!!

    any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

    cheers

  2. #2
    Slick
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    Hello friend

    My male point of view tells me to advise you to let it go ...there is no point is pushing this any further, and also, there is no point in regreting something as casual as dogs barking at the moon ....you already appologized for the drunken-munkey late night phone calls, and you made your intentions on wanting to know her better, clear as daylight ....anything past that is called pushing, friend and it won't get you nowhere

    In my opinion you are over reacting either over some girl to girl joke, either over something that never existed in the first place ...i mean, you and this girl you liked, didn't even had a date and you're talking about it like you just got dumped by your high-school sweet-heart ...i mean, cheer up man, there are plenty of fish in the sea outhere and your social ring extends beyond some prickster co-worker and her friend...so you are probably a bit shy and got scared when she called your name in a bar....so what ? it's not like you insulted the Queen of England , and she better know that bars/clubs/pubs = noise/loud noise/a lot of muffled voices, so if you really want to talk to someone you don't just yell his name , you go sit in their sight of view...anyway, you got dead drunk later on , and started texting/chatting them both while blood was in the booze (or the other way around)...again, it might be rude if you insulted them , but hey, it's not like capital punishment mistakes and you later appologized for it ....Let it be, stop pursuing this illusion, if she wants to get to know you better, she'll find a way to show it ....and my advice is to cut the intermediars also ...if you have something to say to somebody, do it yourself, not by other peoples mouth (i get it, you are a bit shy , no problem there friend...but it was unnecessary to ask your coworker for her permission to give you her number...think this girl never had guys hitting on her and asking for her phone nr before ? )

    I get the feeling you are asking more about Dating 1.01/Seduction advices, rather then Breakup/Healing ones, and i hope i'm right ,because what you had can barely be called a "relationship", but it can be called a full "first date/first encounter miss fire"...So, no biggie if you're into dating tips, back to square one :

    -as a general dating tip, it is a good thing that she offered an alternative to your midweek invitation (she didn't blow you right off the bat), but then again it's a major red flag that she played dead in the cornfield (aka radio silence) when the time to honour that invitation came -> Her words said "Sure", her actions said "Nope"
    -again, as a general rule, after a push-away (the one above) the wisest thing to do is to react as nothing happened, show that her negative response didn't scratch your image or behaviour in any way-> there are other girls outhere, she's just one of the many
    -now you might try to pursue this again, but doing it in the same way will lead you down in the mud for sure....i already mentioned that using a third person to intermediate a date is kind of a "No No" (it worked in mid-school and maybe junior high-school, and i know, women do this more then men do)...if you really want to try your luck again , you need to let a few weeks pass by (calling you a "nice guy" is not a good sign, trust me on that one ;) ), and then use a more "Manly" approach ...like calling her and asking her out for a cup of coffee/tea/whatever, no more coworker ...if she says "yes", you're good to go, if she says "No" or throws some excuses, count your losses and let her be ...it's not the end of the world , you know ? it doesn't mean that she's an evil monster/cruel woman/player, it just means she doesn't feel attracted to you ...there's no point in hating her/calling her names/building a grudge there

    Cheers, Mike

  3. #3
    jj1873
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    amazing response. im stunned. thank u so much.

    I dont think shes a horrible monster type person at all..if she says no.

    I have had some texts since but i just dont want to slip in hey u up for sumthing..id rather let it lye for a wee while till i see what the score is..like maybe ill bump into her in a bar or something..u know..

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    JJ -

    From what I've read, the fact that she has dodged your question about whether she would like to get to know you better is very telling. If her answer was "yes," then she would have no problem saying so. However, the fact that she's avoiding the question implies that either she's not as interested as you are, or that she's not too sure.

    Honestly, I think the ball's in her court at this point. You've made it clear how you feel about it; however, she's still dodging. My best advice is to hang back, give her some space, and let her come to you. The more you push for an answer from her, the more you're going to push her away. Give her some space and be patient - girls appreciate that.

    Kelley
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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