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Thread: I have a bit of a dilemma

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    Exclamation I have a bit of a dilemma

    Well, for starters, I've been doin great, I've def had more time for myself, I'm doin really good, I hit da gym again, I'm gettin ma self in shape again, I'm doin a lot of the things I had forgotten I loved to do and life is just smooth sailing for me rite now, I am very thankful for it!

    However, I do find myself checkin up on ma ex every now and then...I dont like dis habit I got goin on...and I'm not sure how to handle it, I try to convince myself dat shes moved on, and dat shes datin some guy who's a loser most likely but watever, point is..I still care and I don't mind it too much but I jus really don't wanna care! because I'm doin great! so y am i still checkin her myspace out???

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    Hi Swimfan,

    What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. It's natural to be curious and wonder what the ex is doing etc. Initially you can't help yourself, but in time you simply won't do it anymore. If it bothers you, then you need to make a conscious effort NOT to look, and to try and force your thoughts away from her if they start. Once that thought process begins,....distract yourself with something else. Again, in time you won't need to force yourself because your thoughts will rarely go there.

    Fake it till you make it
    -Peace
    Dan

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    I agree with Dan as it is a natural behaviour of mourning/grieving parteners to still care about the former one ....the urge to check will fade in time . I also advice you to think positive thoughts only Swimfan...it is her life after all and assuming the worst about the quality of her new partener (aldough natural in a egoistical way) is not a constructive stepping stone if you wish to have a friendly relationship with her in the future

    Cheers, Mike
    "What you won't let die, won't let you live "

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    thanx u guys I think I'll give it a try and make it a habit to distract myself with other things...like PROM!

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    Sounds like a plan
    -Peace
    Dan

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    I did what your doing in the past and always sooner or later got involved again, only to go through all that pain once more. This time its been 6wks. I know the area he works in and I could easily see him. I won't however because I know it will only prolong the pain. In your case its myspace. Don't check on her, force yourself.. You are doing well in other areas but this is giving into your addiction. With any addiction you must stop cold turkey. Today is difficult for me. I have today off and could easily swing by his work area, but what would that accomplish? Nothing and I would hurt more than I already do. I keep telling myself that tomorrow will be better. Positive self talk is important. Be proud of what your doing for yourself right now. Be completely selfish. sending you hugs and my best wishes. stand proud!!!!

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    Thanx Ruby, I'm tryin my best to not click over to her page, I figure she made up ma mind for me a long time ago when she started to ignore me when I was tryna make things better with her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Swimfan View Post
    I do find myself checkin up on ma ex every now and then...I dont like dis habit I got goin on...and I'm not sure how to handle it, I try to convince myself dat shes moved on, and dat shes datin some guy who's a loser most likely but watever, point is..I still care and I don't mind it too much but I jus really don't wanna care! because I'm doin great! so y am i still checkin her myspace out???
    It's because you still need time to heal. Don't expect to get over her in a month or so. For starters, don't check up on her Myspace or anything related to her. YOU NEED the time apart to see the situation for what it really is. All I can say is, try to have better self-discipline on your part. Learn to accept that it will take time to get over her, but at the same time, remember that it is not okay to hold onto those emotions you still have for her. Learn to let go of any kind of hope for second chances. It's best things be done this way.

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