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Hi, flipper, and welcome!
We all get insecure when we can't reconcile our own attitudes about sex with our partners' pasts. We don't like to think of our partners being with other people. In a way, I think doing so somehow can make us feel as though we're less "special" to them. Are you thinking that perhaps because she has had sex with more people, because it may be that several of those people "didn't mean that much to her" in the first place, that she doesn't think that sex (i.e., with you) doesn't mean anything special to her?
One thing to remember is that your wife's sexual past has nothing to do with you. It's hers - not yours. At this point, whoever has come before shouldn't even matter. It's obvious that you two have different attitudes towards sex, but keep in mind - she married YOU. She CHOSE to spend and share her life with YOU. And with this in mind, how can your intimacy together be cheapened, regardless of who she had been with long before you? If she chose to be with you, then obviously she values you more than anyone else she may or may not have been with.
I do agree with Hunter - if you keep pressing her to talk about this, showing her that this bothers you, suggesting that you might be judging her for things she simply can't change now, is it any wonder that she isn't comfortable talking about it with you?
I'd like to ask, what is it about this issue that is affecting your daily life so much? I know you said that you feel that because she had been with men who perhaps didn't deserve it (that isn't your call, though), somehow your life with her is lessened? Why is that exactly? I understand that this is a painful thing for you to live with, but this doesn't necessarily have to be an issue for you. It's HER past, HER issue. If it's not something that's a problem for her, then why is it one for you?
The "meaning" and significance of sex changes depending on how we feel about the person we're with. I loved my ex - sex meant something totally different with him than it did with, say, the person I'd had a short fling with who ended up not meaning very much to me.
If you think some sort of counseling would help, then go for it. But always remind yourself - she's with YOU, and she wants to be with YOU. Obviously her intimacy with you is extremely important to her.
- Kelley
"Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card
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